Really Something
by callmemrsmiller
Summary: Nick doesn't want Middle School Dance Rules, he wants to know whats on those damn cards. How far will he go to find out? Or will he finally give in to that voice in his head which keeps telling him to man up and talk to Jess? No that would be too easy. Short story set after 'First Date' as Nick continues to struggle with his feelings for Jess and what he really wants. Nick x Jess
1. Chapter 1

**I literally must have watched 'First Date' like five times and as much as I get why the writers are doing with Nick & Jess, trying to build a real, believable relationship between them (which shall of course last forever) I can't deny my little shipper heart was in pieces with that final scene!**

**So I have come up with this little idea of what could maybe happen next. Its set between 'First Date' and 'Bachelorette Party'. **

**I originally thought it was going to be a oneshot but it just seems to keep getting longer and longer so who knows where it will go! I've pretty much finished up with it so just editing now, will hope to get the whole story up before Tuesday's episode. Fingers crossed!**

**Its obviously a Nick/Jess story but also has Nick/Schmidt friendship because those guys are just awesome together. Trying to keep the mix of comedy and drama which make New Girl so amazing.**

**Hope you like it! Feedback is love. **

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Nick stumbled into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes blearily as they struggled to adjust to the afternoon rays of sunlight streaming through the enormous loft windows. Nick was exhausted; he'd barely slept, replaying the previous night's events over and over his mind. His 'date' with Jess had been a disaster from start to finish, from his complete meltdown when he asked her to dinner, to the never ending jaywalking tickets for which Nick would probably need to sell a kidney to pay off and Nick's personal highlight the reappearance of Jess's 'Fancy Man' (not to mention Nick's ultimate man crush) Russell. It was Russell who had ruined it all, with his infuriating comment and ridiculous game. Who the hell did he think he was, telling them to write down what they thought about their 'situation' and then not even telling them what the other wrote. Nick could still see the expression on Russell's face as he read the back of their valet cards in his mind, a look of complete and utter disbelief. Nick had no idea if it was because what they had wrote had been on the same track or polar opposite, hell he didn't even know what Jess wrote!

You should have just asked her, an angry voice snapped in his head, or at least manned up and told her what you wrote. You had you're shot man, sitting there next on the street; she asked you outright how you felt and you just choked, Nick Miller's signature move. Nick groaned loudly as he slid onto one of the bar stools, letting his head rest against the cool metal of the counter.

"Nick people prepare food there; take your head off the counter…" Schmidt barked appearing from his bedroom, heading straight for the coffee pot. "…who knows what disgusting germs are stored on that unkempt mess you call a face."

Nick merely groaned again as he rolled his head to one side, still keeping it against the counter. "Nice Schmidt. Just because I don't use overpriced magic lady creams on my face…"

Schmidt slammed the coffee pot down, "I'll have you know my new eye cream was just voted _Shave_ magazines male grooming product of the month." He said proudly.

"You brought a magazine called _Shave_?" Nick asked in horror.

"Correction Nicholas I have a subscription." He replied taking a sip of his coffee. "Originally I thought it was a publication dedicated to a very specifically styled one of my most favourite interests; shaved…"

"JAR!" Nick yelled against the counter.

Schmidt sighed, "Relax Nick, Schmidt don't discriminate, I enjoy the natural ladies as well."

"Jar. Jar. Jar." Nick said lightly banging his head against the metal.

"Jeez what's up with you, you seem extra cantankerous today grandpa." Schmidt said shoving a dollar in the jar before taking a seat next to Nick. "Your date with, what was her name…oh yes _Yolanda Winston_ not go well?" he asked sarcastically.

Nick got up immediately and busied himself opening the fridge, pouring some coffee, going back to the fridge. Trying to act natural and nonchalant and failing miserably, he could feel Schmidt's judgemental eyes glaring at him.

Nick shrugged, "It was a bust. No big deal."

"Really?" Schmidt pressed, "But you were all excited and hopping around this place like a love sick puppy yesterday."

Nick spun around and glared at him, "I do not hop. It wasn't even really a date, it was just a casual hang…err drinks thing…"

"Nick you let me dress you." Schmidt said simply.

Nick had no come back to that, he just returned to his pointless kitchen wanderings, opening cupboards and staring into them, praying Schmidt would just drop it and go away.

"Where did you meet her again?" Schmidt asked airily.

"Wh…I…err…" Nick stammered, he could feel the sweat start to form down his back, he hated that he was so bad at lying. "Work. I met her at work." He said not looking at Schmidt.

"Really? When?" He asked, Nick did not fail to note the glee in his voice, he knew he was torturing Nick.

"She's err…I was…" he felt himself growing hotter and sweatier, the tell-tale mark was soon to appear on the back of his t-shirt. He turned to face Schmidt, keeping his back firmly hidden from view. "She's a delivery woman, she delivers things…boxes of things…she brings me lemons." He said wincing. "So I said hey baby how bout you and me turn those lemons into lemonade and go out sometime." He said with a wink and a point. Did he actually just do that? He should put money in the jar for sure.

Schmidt grinned, "How charming. When you said you met at work I thought maybe she was just a customer."

Nick nodded lightly, "No, no…" before turning back to his cupboard searching game adding quietly, "…that would have made sense. Quick thinking Miller."

Schmidt's grin grew wider, "It's probably for the best anyway." He said reaching out for the newspaper.

Nick slammed the cupboard door and turned back to him, "What makes you say that?"

Not looking up from the paper Schmidt replied, "She seemed all wrong for you."

Nick's forehead creased in bewilderment, "What? How can you say that? Je…" He started to say but stopped himself immediately as Schmidt's eyes darted up to his. "You never even met Yolanda."

Schmidt rolled his eyes and turned the page, "True I have never met _Yolanda_ but I know _you_ Nick."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Nick asked, anger rising in his voice.

Schmidt closed the paper and sat up, looking directly toward Nick. "Look Nick you're my best friend, my amigo. You, me and Winston we're the three bro-sketeers…"

"I've asked you to stopping calling us that." Nick interjected.

Schmidt ignored him, "…but you have _beyond_ a terrible history with women, there are men on Death Row who have healthier relationships than you." Nick stared at him affronted but Schmidt waved his hand. "Look most of its not your fault but least face facts here, you're irreparably damaged."

"Wow Schmidt I think you should start volunteering at a suicide helpline, you really know how to lift a guy's mood." Nick growled angrily taking a large gulp of coffee.

"Nick its ok for me to say this stuff I'm your friend and I care about you…and most importantly it's true." Schmidt continued. "You're the king of self-sabotage."

Nick opened his mouth to rebuke his friend but that little voice popped up in his head saying 'Told you so'.

"You start off ok; things are all hopeful and rosy…for about five minutes." Schmidt said. "But then you get in your own head and start questioning every single thing and you morph into this crazy irrational nut-job who just gets more and more neurotic until everything implodes and you end up alone, again, drunk, not showering or wearing pants."

Again Nick had little to say to disprove Schmidt's comment, living together for ten years meant he had been there to witness the breakdown of every single one of Nick's relationships and he knew it hadn't been a pretty sight.

"And things would have been a million times worse with _Yolanda._ Say the date had gone well and you guys hooked up it would be like the end of the world when it fell apart, which it most definitely would." Schmidt said seriously. "Imagine having to deal with all the crazy break-up drama, all that pain and still have to be around each other every single day…you know at _work_." He said but Nick could have sworn he nodded towards Jess's bedroom. "Things would never be the same. You know I'm right."

Nick lent back against the counters edge as he let his usually emotionally inept roommates words sink in. Was Schmidt right? Would things be irrevocably damaged if he and Jess dated and it didn't work out? Why couldn't they just go back to being friends and roommates, it wasn't an impossible idea. They had made out twice and been on the worst date in history and things weren't weird between them…not really. Who are you kidding pal? The self-righteous voice in his head chimed in, they were beyond weird as their late night encounter in the kitchen last night had demonstrated.

Despite occurring within the hour of their curb-side agreement for 'Middle School Dance Rules' from now on, there she had been with a damn jar in hand, straining and moaning in front of him. Was she just trying to mess with him? He opened it for her, of course he did, he knew there would never be even the smallest thing he would ever refuse her. Then they had had a moment, or at least he thought they had. She had thanked him and he had took a drink of his beer, her eyes flared as he did so, a mixture of fear, craving and something else, almost like she was daring him. Though she whispered from him not to Nick gargled his beer just like she had told him turned on her earlier that night, he just couldn't believe it was true. He watched her reaction intently, Jess shut her eyes and breathed heavily, it seemed to be too much for her. The intense and pulsating power between them in that moment was more charged and evocative than any before. Nick could see it had affected her, he wanted to reach out, to touch her, to pull her close to him and say to hell with the Middle School rules but he needed a sign from her. His heart sank when she said she was going to sleep, maybe that move wasn't her kryptonite after all then.

Frustrated and genuinely saddened he walked the short distance to their doorways. They turned to one another and stood face to face, just as they had done so a few months ago when Nick had started all this. When he hadn't thought about what he was doing, about what it meant or what would happened next he had just known what he wanted in that exact moment and took her. Standing here with her now he felt so unsure, everything was blurry and messy in his mind, he looked at Jess. It was now or never, if neither of them made move they knew it would be over, the door would be closed for good. He wanted to kiss her again. He didn't want three foot rules and no funny business crap. But what did _she _want? Just ask her dammit, the voice roared in his head. But then Jess whispered her goodnight and turned away and Nick knew his last chance was gone. Chicken shit, the voice in his head growled.

"Like I said it's for the best." Schmidt said calling Nick's mind back to the present. "Sometimes these things just don't work out. It's like me and CeCe."

Nick looked at his friend and saw the sadness that swept through his eyes as his said her name. Nick felt a deep burst of sympathy and compassion for Schmidt despite the fact he had just spent the past few minutes ripping apart Nicks entire character. He couldn't imagine how hard it must be to watch the woman you love marry someone else. He thought about how Schmidt hadn't told CeCe how he truly felt until it was too late and now he had lost her forever. Then a truly terrifying image flashed in his mind, of a crowded church sometime in the future with Jess in a beautiful white dress, saying 'I do' to some faceless figure as Nick sat watching, alone in the crowd. Nick felt his heart twinge at the thought of Jess with someone else, anyone else but him. That was when he knew he couldn't give up, not yet, not until he knew how she really felt. He just had to know. He had to get those damn cards!

He slammed his cup on the counter, "You know what you're right Schmidt." He said patting him on the shoulder lightly.

"I'm glad you've seen sense Nick." Schmidt replied returning to perusing the newspaper. "Now let's just put this whole silly dalliance behind us and get things back to normal around here. I'm thinking of buying a new crepe pan and…wait, where are you going?" Schmidt said turning to Nick.

Nick had grabbed his hoodie from the couch and was wiggling his feet into his sneakers as he stood by the door, rummaging through the pockets of Schmidt's numerous different jackets. "Need to borrow your car Schmidty."

Schmidt jumped up in horror, "Absolutely not! I just had it valeted I don't want you driving my baby and having her smell of old spice and broken dreams!"

Nick ignored him as he had located what he needed. "Aha! Got them. Thanks man." he said with a nod as he opened the door.

"What? No, stop! I said stop!" Schmidt yelled chasing after him but Nick was already in the elevator, he gave Schmidt a small wave as the doors closed, separating them.

A few seconds later the doors pinged open and Nick stepped out into the lobby only to be abruptly thrust to the ground.

"Thieeeeeeeef!" Schmidt cried as he landed atop of Nick, slapping his hands at him wildly.

"Schmidt what the hell are you doing? Get off me you idiot!" Nick yelled pushing him off.

"Give me the keys Nick." Schmidt demanded through ragged breath, he must have taken the stairs three at a time Nick thought.

"No Schmidt I need your car mine's currently experiencing a gas shortage." Nick said straightening himself up. "It's really important."

"Where are you going?" Schmidt asked.

"I can't tell you." Nick replied.

Schmidt scowled, "It's not anything illegal is it Nick? I don't want you using my vehicle to move any ill-gotten gains or loot!"

"Loot? What are you a pirate now?" Nick asked incredulously. "Look Schmidt its nothing illegal ok, it's just something I have to do."

"Fine. Then I'm coming with you." Schmidt said crossing his arms defiantly.

"No, no!" Nick protested.

"It's my car Nick so if you want to use it I'm coming with you."

Nick rubbed his hands down his face; he was too tired for this now, "Fine. But I'm not telling you where we are going or why. And you can't say a word when we get there, not a single one Schmidt." Nick said as they made their way out to the street where Schmidt's car was. "In fact how about you don't say another word from now on out ok?"

Schmidt glared at him, "You cannot silence a man in his own vehicle Nick, it must be against my civil rights or something!" He yelled as they got in the car.

Nick got in the driver's seat and started the engine. "Whatever, let's just go."

Schmidt did up his seatbelt and turned to Nick, "I'm telling you now, this better not have anything to do with _Yolanda!_"

Nick didn't answer him; he just rolled his eyes and pulled out into the street. So far his plan was off to a great start.

* * *

"I knew it!" Schmidt screamed as they pulled up to Russell's house. "What the hell are we doing here Nick?"

Nick didn't answer as he opened the window and pressed the buzzer on Russell's front gate, waiting for a response on the intercom. Nothing came. Nick pressed again but still no response.

"Obviously no one's home Nick." Schmidt said tugging on Nick's arm. "Let's just go home."

"No!" Nick growled. "I have to talk to Russell."

"Why?" Schmidt asked.

"Because…" Nick yelled pushing the buzzer again. "…because I love him Schmidt, yep me and Russell we're a couple."

Schmidt scoffed loudly, "Pur-lease, as if _you _could bag a guy like Russell."

Nick glared at him but didn't respond, he just kept pushing the buzzer over and over again.

Schmidt pulled him back, "Nick stop that! You'll break it!" he said as if Nick were a child. "Nick what the hell is going on?"

Nick rested his arms and head against the steering wheel and sighed, "I just need to talk to Russell…"

"Well we can leave him a note or something and I'm sure he'll call you Nick, Russell's nothing if not polite." Schmidt replied.

"No…it has to be today." Nick said firmly.

"Nick tell me what's going on? Is this about Jess?" Schmidt asked simply. "Nick?"

Nick sat up, without saying a word got out of the car. He walked up to the large black iron gates which separated him from Russell's compound like home. He stood there for a moment, hands on his sides as he surveyed the imposing structure which stood before him.

"What the hell." He said to himself as he stepped forward, placing one foot on the bottom of the gate he pushed off the ground with his other, his hands clutching tightly at the hard iron of the gate as he started to climb.

"Seriously?" Schmidt called from behind him.

Nick turned to look at him, the entire gate seemed to sway at the slightest movement of his body. "I'm going in Schmidt."

"Get down from there you idiot." Schmidt demanded. "You don't do this Nick; you practically have a coronary if you have to climb the stairs."

Nick wanted to yell and tell Schmidt to shut up but he was struggling for breath as he clambered ungracefully up the gate.

"You look like a disabled monkey! Get down!" Schmidt yelled.

"No I can do this…" Nick spluttered as he pulled himself upwards, he was nearing the top now, not too far, then he would just hop over and jump down. He shot a quick look over his shoulder and suddenly became aware just how high Russell's gates were. The gate swayed again, more violently this time, Nick started to feel light headed. "Whoah…I…" The gate swayed again.

"Nick for the love of god stay still!" Schmidt yelled.

But the more Nick tried to stay still the more his body seemed to struggle and the more the gate seemed to sway. "Schmidttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt ttttttt." He cried out. "This may have been a bad idea!"

"It's a terrible idea." Schmidt snapped. "Ok, just stay where you are." He said approaching the base of the gate.

"Where the hell am I going to go jackass?" Nick yelled.

Schmidt didn't respond instead he started to climb the gate, however unlike Nick Schmidt made it look easy, placing his feet in the right places and pulling his body up with ease. He had reached Nick in no time.

"How the hell did you do that?" Nick asked him, giving full turtle face.

"I go bouldering every week." Schmidt answered. "Which you know if you ever bothered to actually come to the gym with me when I ask."

"I don't trust gyms." Nick replied, "What the hell is bouldering?"

"It's like free rock climbing, no ropes!" Schmidt said. "I'm pretty awesome, no surprise there."

"Whatever. Just help me get over will ya?" Nick said as he tried to pull himself to the very top of the gate.

"What? No I'm bringing you back down to sanity Nick!" Messerschmidt yelled.

"No, I'm not getting down Schmidt." Nick groaned as he finally managed to pull his upper body upwards, clinging onto the gate's edge. "Just help me."

"Then you'll tell me what the hell all this madness is about?" Schmidt asked.

"Fine." Nick relented.

Schmidt smiled and shuffled down the gate a little beneath Nick and pushed his body upwards over the gate.

"Schmidt why are your hands on my ass!" Nick cried as he struggled to maneuverer his body over the gate.

"Do you want my help or not?" Schmidt said as he pushed Nick further over the gate, "Now just swing your body round, grip onto the edge of the gate and the drop down ok?"

"What? Swing…grip? Wha…" Nick stammered as Schmidt gave him one final push and flung him over the gate. "Schdmidtttttttt!" Nick cried out again as he flew through the air, landing with a heavy and painful thud on the hard gravel of the driveway.

Seconds later Schmidt appeared at his side, having done some sort of crazy ninja gymnastic manoeuvres to get over the gate, landing with an Olympic style finish.

"What the hell was that?" Nick croaked as he rubbed his chest.

Schmidt lent down to help Nick up, "Why didn't you swing and grip like I told you?"

"Because I had no idea what you were talking about Schmidt!" Nick moaned straightening himself up before making his way down the ridiculously long driveway to the house.

Schmidt skipped after him, "So are you going to tell me what's going on with you and Jess?"

Nick ignored him just carried on walking but Schmidt didn't give up, "What was so bad on your date that you had to go all Cirque du Soleil on Russell's gate?"

They had reached the entrance to the house now; Nick stopped and took in the scene around them. Now they needed to figure out how to get inside the actual house, Nick doubted Russell was the kind of guy would have a hide-a-key under a plant or anything. He probably didn't even have a key at all, probably something way cooler like retinal scanners or a hand recognition pad.

"Nick don't think you can just ignore and I'll shut up, you know that won't work. You _are_ going to tell me everything about you and Jess! And right now!" Schmidt yelled grabbing Nick. "Nick I…"

"Schmidt look would you just please shut the hell…" Nick began to yell waving his arms angrily as he turned to face him, his eyes went wide instantly filled with total fear.

"What Nick?" Schmidt asked anxiously.

Nick shook his head and tried to mouth something to Schmidt whilst taking a few light steps backwards.

"Nick…what the hell are…" Schmidt began.

Nick shook his head more violently and grabbed Schmidt, covering his mouth with his hands, slowly turning Schmidt's head to view the scene behind them.

There at the edge of the driveway stood three massively tall and muscular built Doberman Pinschers, ears pricked, teeth bared and all of their eyes set firmly on Nick and Schmidt.

Schmidt clung to Nick instantly, whispering in total panic, "Oh my god…Nick…what do we do?"

Nick literally gulped at the sight before him, "I don't know Schmidt…"

Schmidt edged slowly backwards, stepping behind Nick. "Do something!" he hissed. "They're looking at me like hungry sharks!"

"Don't say sharks Schmidt!" Nick snapped, not needing to be picturing one of his greatest fears as he faced off with a pack of Dobermans. Maybe he could try and scare them away, become the Dobermans? Or maybe that only worked on coyotes he thought, the memory of Jess chasing off the coyote in the desert flashed in his mind. How was it possible he could not stop thinking about her even in the craziest situations? He suddenly became aware Schmidt was now standing completely behind him, gripping Nick's body tightly. "What are you…are you trying to use me as a human shield?"

Schmidt shrugged, "It'll be better if they get you first Nick, you'll taste all horrible and greasy like a bad burrito where as if they get a slice of this prime kosher meat," he said pointing to himself. "They'll tear me to pieces."

"Jar!" Nick said a little too loudly as one of the dogs let out a ferocious bark.

Nick and Schmidt both yelped, clinging onto one another with greater frenzy.

"Ok, ok…relax." Nick hissed at Schmidt, slowly trying to edge away. Nick kept his eyes firmly fixed on the dogs as he moved backwards, Schmidt still wrapped around him. "Nice scary doggies…stay…stay…good bloodthirsty monsters…"

"Who do you think you are? Cesar Millan?" Schmidt scoffed in Nick's ear.

"What?" Nick whispered, still moving slowly away the dog's growls seeming to get angrier.

"The Dog Whisperer." Schmidt hissed a little too loud. "My show you _always_ delete on the DVR for your stupid turtle programs."

"Schmidt this is not the time for that discussion!" Nick yelled pushing Schmidt away from him, arms flying everywhere as Schmidt cried out falling into the bushes.

The dogs seemed to take their sudden raised voices and actions as a sign of aggression and launched at them immediately, teeth fully bared and barking terrifyingly.

Nick grabbed Schmidt's hand and yanked him to his feet, covered in leaves and mud. "Runnnnnnnnnnnn!"

Nick dragged Schmidt away from the front courtyard to the back of the house, through the garden where he had attended that fancy cook-out party with Jess last year, hurdling over garden furniture and destroying endless collections of plants. Nick felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest, these dogs were super-fast, Schmidt was practically carrying him along, yelling curses about Nick needing to lose some serious pounds. Finally they reached the terrace doors, which of course were locked. Nick looked for another way in, an open window or secret entrance to Russell's batcave but nothing.

"Quick this way!" Schmidt yelled running over to the stone barbecue at the edge of the terrace.

Nick followed and watched as Schmidt jumped up instantly on top of the barbecue and began scaling the trellis which seemed to scale the entire length of the wall, all the way to the roof. More climbing, great Nick thought as he watched Spider-Schmidt climb, but the three sets of terrifying gnashing teeth below him seemed to trump his new-found hatred of climbing. He scrambled clumsily after Schmidt, struggling to breathe.

"I bet you wish you had come bouldering with me now?" Schmidt called down to him condescendingly; he was practically at the top.

"Shut…up…Schdmit." Nick growled through gritted teeth and fraught breath.

Schmidt had reached the top of the trellis and slid himself over to the flat roof ledges of the house. He made it look easy. However when Nick reached the top the gap from the trellis to the roof didn't look so small, in fact it looked like a ginormous cavern, with three hungry dogs waiting for him at the bottom.

"Come on Nick." Schmidt said nodding his head towards the ledge where he now lent back, catching his breath.

Nick shook his head, "It's too far."

Schmidt rolled his eyes, exasperated. "Well you got no choice, jump Nick. Unless you wanna go back down there with _them_."

Nick shot a glance at the still barking beasts below and took a deep breath. "Ok, ok, here goes…one, two…three…ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed launching himself forward and landing violently on top of Schmidt. "I did it, I made it, I'm alive!" Nick yelled still atop of Schmidt.

"Yes, yes wonderful." Schmidt said pushing Nick off of him. "Nick you better have an absolutely mind-blowing explanation as to why I am currently sitting stranded on a roof bruised and battered covered in mud and god knows what, hiding from a pack of rabid animals. And if lie to me I am going to toss you back down there for Lassie's psycho cousins to eat!"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So I'm starting to think I was a little over ambitious with setting myself the Tuesday deadline to get this whole story up! I can't help it I just can't stop writing Nick and Jess! ****  
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**Thanks for all the amazing responses to this story, I'm really glad people are enjoying it. I also promise that Jess WILL be in the next chapter.  
**

* * *

So Nick told Schmidt everything, from the start. Schmidt knew about the first kiss of course, that had all come out with parking spot and no nail oath drama but Nick filled in the details he had kept secret. He told him about the moment between them behind the iron curtain that night, the awkwardness and tension which followed their first kiss. He told him about the specifics of the Jess pain-pill confession and the hot make out session which had ended up destroying his fish tank and flooding their apartment. He told him about the disastrous date, all the confusion and awkwardness that had occurred and of course Russell and his stupid game. About Jess's decision for Middle School rules and the moment they had shared in the hall before bed last night. He told him about all the charged moments and longing looks, all the mixed signals and uncertainty that hung between them for months.

"So that's about it." Nick said leaning back against the hard wall of the house. It felt good to put it all out there to someone else, to say it out loud, even it was Schmidt.

"And?" Schmidt said.

"And what?" Nick replied.

"Well apart from Russell's guest appearance last night and the truth that my fish tank was attacked by your hormones and not those meth addict burglars again…" Schmidt said, Nick still couldn't believe he had gone for that excuse. "…You haven't told me anything I didn't already know."

Nick gave him a confused look.

"Nick, I live there too remember? All your secret little looks and eye-sex sessions…" Schmidt shuddered.

"We do not have eye-sex!" Nick protested.

"Please, every time she asks you to open a jar or pick up a heavy box you practically mount her with your pupils." Schmidt snapped. "Jess is lucky she wears glasses or she'd probably be with chubby grumpy child by now."

"Jar." Nick said, then he heard his words. "Aha, so you see the jar thing too? I knew she did that on purpose."

"Only to you Nick." Schmidt corrected. "She doesn't ask me to open Jars or Winston to help her put up a shelf. She only ever goes to you."

Nick didn't say anything. Schmidt was right, Jess always did come to him for help, he always told himself it was because they were friends and because their other two roommates were pretty much useless. But maybe she wanted him to help her, maybe she needed him? Nick liked that idea very much.

"Look Nick I get it, you like Jess, but what I don't get is why we're here." He said pointing around to their less than ideal current location. "Why is so important for you to get those damn cards back?"

"Because I have to know what she wrote, I have to know how she feels!" Nick yelled.

"Oh yes and of course there are absolutely no other ways or means for you to find that information. It's not as if you could call her, or text, or email, Facebook, Twitter…hey Skype's always fun, a little web cam action?" He said. "I mean it's not like you live in the same apartment and see her every single day…oh wait! Boom!" Schmidt roared in Nick's face.

"I can't ask her! I…I just can't…" Nick stammered angrily, awkwardly standing on his feet. "I need to know how she feels before I talk to her."

"Nick what the hell are you doing, sit back down." Schmidt said. "Jessica Day is not worth throwing yourself off this roof…besides with all that extra padding you're carrying you'd probably just bounce."

Nick ignored Schmidt's barbs. "No, I came here to get those cards and that is exactly what I am going to do!" He said looking up at the window a little to the left of the ledge where they sat. "I need to know if she feels the…" he said, almost to himself as he bent down and tried to pull one of the tiles off the ledge. "…cause if she doesn't…I don't think I could…" he said as he finally yanked one terracotta tile free. "Yes!"

Schmidt watched wide eyed and concerned as Nick stood on the edge of the ledge close as he could get to the window. "Nick what are you doing?"

Then there was a loud crash and the sound of shattering glass as the tile exploded through the window, landing inside with a light thud. Nick turned to Schmidt and smiled broadly, "Perfect."

"Perfect?" Schmidt asked incredulously. "Have you lost your mind Nick? We are literally breaking and entering into the home of our roommates ex-boyfriend so you can steal some stupid notes on the back of valet cards as if they're the Holy Grail to see if she maybe kind of likes you! This is insane, it's like the Goonies meets Fatal Attraction!" Schmidt yelled trying to force Nick to sit back down. "Which, incidentally I feel it is my duty to remind you as the only sane person here you have no idea if they are even in there! Russell probably threw them away! We'd probably have more luck going through his trash than breaking into his house!"

"Good thinking Schmidty, we'll look there second. Can you give me a boost?" Nick asked quite calmly.

Schmidt stared up at Nick in disbelief, "Can I give you…are you serious? No I will not give you a boost! I want no more part in this insanity Nick." He said getting to his feet, dusting off his jeans. "And I want that made perfectly clear to the police when they arrive to take you off to the nut house."

"Dammit Schmidt will you just help me!" Nick screamed in Schmidt's face.

"No Nick, not until you tell me why." Schmidt demanded, "Not until you tell me why this beyond ridiculous card situation has sent you completely insane!"

"Because I think I'm in love with her!" Nick screamed turning back to face Schmidt who was clearly taken aback by his outburst. Nick immediately collapsed back against the wall, sliding down against it silently as closed his eyes and rubbed his hand down his face.

Schmidt remained standing above him, "You think or you know?"

Nick looked up at Schmidt and let out a tired sigh, "I know. I'm in love with Jess." He said quietly as he drew his legs to his chest, resting his head on his knees. "That's why I gotta know what she wrote on that card Schmidt, I gotta know how she feels."

"Ay yai yai!" Schmidt exhaled before sliding down next to Nick. "I knew it! I've seen it…we all see it, there's this…there's something between you two." Schmidt said.

Nick didn't answer. He had nothing else to say, _something_ was right.

"I knew this was going to happen from the start…" Schmidt yelled. "That was why I came up with the oath in the first place. Dammit Nicholas!" he said slapping Nick on the back of the head like he was his mother.

"Ow Schmidt!" Nick said rubbing the back of his head. "The oath? That was like two years ago Schmidt! This thing with Jess and me has only been happening the last few months." Nick insisted.

Schmidt scoffed at his words, "Come on Nick be real, even you cannot be this slow. This _thing_ has been going on since Jessica Day moved her pretty little butt into the room across from yours and you rushed to that restaurant to rescue her and caused your testicles to question their validity when you sang Dirty Dancing to her…"

"So did you and Coach!" Nick protested.

"Only because you made us! It was all you Nick! From that moment on, it was game over, you were a goner." Schmidt said simply. "Which is why we needed the oath, something to keep you in line, I never thought in a million years you'd actually go for it. You _never_ make a move Nick."

"I know, I think it was the trench coat." He muttered. "It's just its different with Jess…I can't help it…I can't stop…"

Schmidt sighed and stood back up, reaching his arm out to Nick, "Get up."

"What?" Nick said still sitting on the now damaged ledge.

"I'll give you a boost." Schmidt said simply.

Nick stood up slowly, "But what about everything you said earlier? About me being the king of self-sabotage? That I'm damaged and this will never work and just ruin everyone's lives?"

"Oh no that's definitely going to happen. Nothing's changed there." He replied.

"Then why are you helping me?" Nick asked.

"You're my best friend." Schmidt said before he lent his hands on his knees creating a step for Nick to reach up to the broken window.

Nick looked at his friend and smiled, sometimes he really struggled to justify why he had remained friends with Schmidt for ten years but then there were times it was easy to see. Nick made mental note to buy him a cookie tomorrow. "Thanks…" he said quietly.

A few moments and awkward manoeuvres later and they were finally both inside the house. They were in a bathroom, probably one of twenty in this place Nick thought. They quietly opened the door and crept out into the hallway, it was enormous, like a hotel. They assumed no one was home given there had been no response to all the commotion and noise they had made so far but still they moved carefully. Schmidt actually dropped and rolled along the floor at one point, making odd hand gestures which Nick assumed were met to be Navy Seal style but was pretty sure were just nonsense and most likely offensive in most cultures.

"Schmidt what the hell are you doing?" Nick sighed. "Get off the floor."

Schmidt shook his head as they approached a corner, signalling for Nick to stop. "This is black ops stuff Nick. We need to come up with a plan, think strategically, really get into the mind of Russell. It will be easier for me, having actually known what it feels like to experience success but I can help… Nick what are you doing?" he snapped as he looked up at Nick who was in the process of opening every door they passed.

"I have a plan Schmidt." He said closing one door of a linen closet and then opening the next which lead to another bathroom. "Open every door until I find Russell's bedroom."

Schmidt scoffed, "You have no vision or discipline Nick. You would make a terrible secret agent, you're such a Neanderthal."

"Yeah well you're not exactly James Bond either." Nick snapped. "Now will you stop being a dumbass, get off the floor and help me look!"

Schmidt stared at Nick affronted but steadily got to his feet then a peculiar smile spread across his face. "You know I think you could be onto something there Nick."

"What?" Nick asked exasperated.

"A Jewish Bond. It's exactly what the franchise needs, bring a little c_hutzpah _to the role." Schmidt said seriously.

"Good god will you just shut up and help me look!" Nick roared.

Schmidt relented, "Ok, ok…James Bond I would have totally found the cards by now."

Nick turned and glared at Schmidt who thankfully didn't respond. They searched the next few doors in silence, they found guest bedrooms, closets and numerous bathrooms until they finally reached Russell's bedroom.

Nick knew instantly this was Russell's bedroom, it was like the Presidential suite of some fancy hotel, it was grand, masculine and mature, like Russell. Nick thought about his room back at the loft, his unmade bed surrounded by beer bottles and dirty clothes, posters on the wall like he was still in college. Nick had never felt so pathetic in all his life.

"Wow check out that bed." Schmidt said as he moved closer to Russell's huge wooden four poster bed, it looked like something Henry VIII would have slept it. "I bet this bad boy has seen a lot of traffic. Jess never said it was so…" Schmidt said turning to Nick and seeing the look of pure rage on his face. "But you probably don't want to think about Russell and Jess…in the bed…you know….doing the…" he didn't finish his sentence but instead finished visually, performing the most forceful crotch thrust Nick had had the misfortune to see.

"No." Nick growled, doing anything in his power to keep from looking at the gigantic bed. It's much bigger than yours, the taunting voice in his head said. Nick shook himself, "Look Schmidt you look in this room ok, check his jackets and pants pockets for the cards."

Schmidt nodded, "Ok, what colour was he wearing?"

"He was wearing suit." Nick shrugged.

"Of course he was wearing a suit Nick this is Russell we're talking about, I asked you what colour. Black? Grey? Pinstripe?"

"I have no idea Schmidt it was a suit! A fancy stupid fancyman suit ok! Just check them all if you have to!" Nick snapped, "I'll check downstairs."

And then Nick left the room as quickly as possible, not able to stand another minute in the room he knew Jess had been _with _Russell. As he reached the top of the stairs he heard Schmidt scream out in pure elation which Nick understood to mean he had located Russell's closet. Nick ignored him and made his way to the room he was convinced held the answers he so desperately needed.

Nick entered the study silently and cautiously, like he was entering a library or church, it felt like a sacred place. Nick surveyed a room to which he had previously felt such a connection and warm memory. As he stood here now and thought of his time as President Miller he felt completely ridiculous, like a little boy playing in his dad's work stuff. He shook the thought from his mind and set about his search. He checked every draw, file and cupboard twice over but found nothing. He was sure Russell would have put the cards in here. Maybe Schmidt was right, maybe he didn't care and just threw them away.

Nick collapsed into the comfortable brown leather chair behind the desk and rubbed his eyes in despair. He swivelled the chair around and took in the book case in front of him, full of books, trophies, awards and plaques of commendations, as well as exotic looking ornaments from all the travelling he had done. God that was a lot of books, Nick thought to himself, how could one man need so many books? Nick bet half of them weren't even real, just those fake cardboard ones that put out on displays in department stores to make it more homey. Then Nick had a sudden brainwave, he jumped out of the chair and immediately starting pulling books down on their side, expecting the bookshelf to swing open any minute and reveal Russell's hidden room. Nick tried more and more books but still nothing happened.

"Come on!" He growled. He grabbed the wooden duck from the shelf. "At least give me a clue man!"

"Maybe I can be of assistance?" A cool calm voice asked from behind him.

Still clutching the wooden duck in his hands Nick turned around to see Russell standing in the doorway to the study. He didn't look too surprised to see Nick here.

"Russell I…" Nick said but had no clue where to begin. "What are you doing here?"

"I live here Nick." Russell answered simply.

"Right." Nick said. "Sorry."

"And you Nick, are you here for something in particular or did you stop by just to catch up with Donald." Russell asked moving forward, resting his briefcase on the desk.

"Donald?" Nick asked, confused.

"The duck." Russell said nodding to the wooden animal trapped in Nicks grasp.

"Donald Duck. I get it…cool name." Nick said feeling so stupid. At least he wasn't wearing Russell's clothes this time, small mercies Miller.

"My daughter picked it out." Russell replied coolly, his expression gave absolutely nothing away.

Nick placed the duck on the table. "I came for the cards Russell."

Russell nodded. "I know."

"Do you still have them?" Nick asked hoping the anxiety was hidden in his voice.

"Yes."

Nick could not help but let out a small sigh of relief. "Can I have them?"

Russell surveyed Nick for a moment, "Does Jess know you're here?"

Nick scowled, "What? Why, what does that have to do with anything?"

But Russell didn't answer Nick; he just pushed his own question once more. "Jess, does she know you came here? Does she know you want the cards?"

Nick was starting to get pissed now, what kind of game was Russell trying to play now. He just wanted to get the damn cards and get out of here. "No, ok? She doesn't know I came here."

"I see." Russell replied with a curt nod.

"Look Russell are you going to give me the cards or not?" Nick snapped, with little clue what he would do if Russell refused. Maybe he would throw Donald at him.

But Russell half-smiled, "Yes Nick I'll give them to you, they are after all yours. But first I want to talk to you, please take a seat."

Nick sighed and went to sit back down in the brown leather chair.

"On _this_ side of the table." Russell corrected him.

Nick hovered in the air for a second above the soft leather, "Right, right of course…" he mumbled before scurrying around to the other side of the desk, watching as Russell took his seat with poise and self-assurance Nick couldn't possibly muster. They sat in silence for a moment, Nick waited for Russell to begin, he felt like a kid who had been sent to the principal's office.

"Nick firstly I want to apologise to you for my behaviour last night, it wasn't appropriate for me to interfere in yours and Jess's evening." Russell said regrettably. "Secondly, I assume you and Jess chose not to share your feelings with one another seeing as you have broken into my house in order to get the cards back?"

Nick nodded, not letting his eyes meet Russell's.

"Can I ask how the two of you have left things?" Russell asked.

"Fine. Things are fine." Nick shifted uncomfortably in his seat. His was getting really angry now. "Look Russell why are you doing this? Why did you even make us do this stupid thing in the first place?"

Russell sighed, "I'm not sure, when I saw you two together last night you reminded me of someone I used to know and…" he paused for a moment. "But you're right Nick it was not my place." He said standing up and walking over to the bookcase. He stood there for a moment surveying the books before carefully selecting a thin volume and pulling it towards him.

"I was right! You do have a secret room behind there!" Nick yelled pointing to the bookcase as he waited for it to part and reveal Russell's secret compartment.

However again this didn't happen, instead Russell sat down clutching the thin book in his hands. "You thought my bookshelf was a secret doorway? Seriously? Do you think I am some sort of Bond villain Nick."

Nick shook his head in protest, ignoring the Bond comment. "No, no of course not, that would be crazy and stupid."

Russell didn't answer but opened the book to a middle page. Nick finally saw the two small pieces of paper which had consumed his mind all day.

"What is that?" Nick asked nodding to the book.

"It's a book of French poems, Jess gave it to me." Russell said not looking at Nick for the first time. Nick noticed the sadness in his voice as he said her name; it seemed Jessica Day had power over more men than just Nick Miller. Russell held the cards in his hands, "Nick before I give these to you, will you answer one more thing?"

Nick groaned, he just wanted the damn cards already, "Sure, whatever."

"Obviously I know what you wrote on your card, I know how you feel." Russell paused. "Jess has lived three feet away from you for the better part of two years now, you're together day in and day out, why couldn't you just walk over, knock on her door and ask her how she feels?"

Nick didn't answer, it was the same question Schmidt had asked him, it was the same question that smug and superior voice in his head kept asking. Why couldn't he just ask Jess?

Russell nodded at his silence and simply handing him the valet cards. Nicks hands actually shook as he took them. He didn't know whether he should just get up and go, he didn't really want to do this in front of Russell, but then he reminded himself Russell had already seen them and Nick couldn't wait any longer. He turned over the first card noting his own scruffy scrawl of words, tucking it behind the other he saw Jess's card. The appearance couldn't have been more different than Nick's, her script elegant and graceful like her. Slowly he took a deep breath and read what she had written.

'_Rare as is true love, true friendship is rarer.' _

_I don't know what will happen but I can't imagine my life without Nick. He's my best friend. _

Nick read the words over and over and then again. What did the quote mean? Nick had never heard it before. Trust Jess to throw in a total curveball. She couldn't imagine her life without him that made Nick's heart pound; he couldn't imagine his life without her either. He prayed there would never come a day she wasn't in it. She had called him her best friend and that had surprised him, truly, she always referred to CeCe as her best friend. But then she had written that she didn't know what would happen between them, she wasn't sure. And Nick suddenly felt all the happiness he felt at her other words evaporated. He had hoped her words would give him certainty one way or the other as to her true feelings but he felt just as lost as before.

Finally after what felt like an hour he looked up to Russell, "The quote…"

"It's a French poet and writer, Jean de La Fontaine, he's in this book." He said tapping the book lightly on the desk.

"Right." Nick replied quietly, no wonder he had never heard of it, he pretended not to be annoyed Jess had made a reference to something he would never had understood but Russell knew instantly. Awkward silence fell between them as Nick read the words again, the more he read them, the more confused his mind became.

Finally Russell broke the void, "Nick…"

"Who did we remind you of?" Nick cut him off looking up from Jess's card. "You said when you saw us together we reminded you of someone, who was it?" although Nick was pretty sure he knew the answer.

"Me and Ouli." Russell answered.

"You and your ex-wife?" Nick snapped. "You think me and Jess are like you and your ex-wife?"

"Not as people no, but your…relationship." Russell explained. "The want and the passion, the tension and strain, the continual on and off. Nick we did it for twenty years and it was exhausting." Russell paused as Nick glared at him, "Nick I have no doubt in my mind of how much you care for Jess, your note is proof enough of that but like I said last night you don't know what you truly are to each other because you're so much already. You are probably the single most important people in each other's lives and if you take that step further, everything will change. Trying to sustain a relationship with anyone is hard but when that person is as Jess is to you is so difficult. You can end up losing everything."

"Is that what happened with you and Ouli?" Nick asked.

Russell nodded, "We were each other's entire worlds for so long, it was mad, deep passionate love and then slowly it just…fell apart and now we can't even bear to be near each other for more than five minutes."

"Just cause that happened to you doesn't mean it would happen to me and Jess." Nick snarled.

"Perhaps not." Russell said. "But like I asked you before Nick if you are so sure about Jess why couldn't you just talk to her? Find out how she feels from her."

Again Nick didn't answer; he glanced down at Jess's card in his hands.

"You're scared Nick, I understand. You're scared of what she'll say, that she won't feel the same as you or worse that she will." Russell said. "That she will feel exactly the same way and then you will have nothing stopping you from finally having everything you want and then all you have left is the fear you will lose it all."

Nick looked up; it was like Russell was inside his head. This is what it had always come down to, Nick wasn't good enough for Jess and he never would be, that's what stopped him from truly going after her. He thought back to Schmidt's earlier words, _'You're the king of self-sabotage'_, and it was true. Nick had always managed to mess things up for himself, law school, jobs, relationships, he always found a way to wreck things that were good for him. He told himself that Jess could make him better; he wanted to be better for her but what if he made her worse? What if he dragged her beautiful sparkly rainbow and sunshine life down into his dark and dismal world? What he if made her as broken as he was? He couldn't bare it if did that to Jess.

He looked around the room, at all the images and examples of Russell's immense success in life. If he couldn't make it work with Ouli with everything he had to offer, what chance in hell did Nick have?

"Nick? Are you ok?" Russell said.

Nick nodded but didn't say anything.

"Look Nick I'm not saying you and Jess shouldn't try this, all I'm saying is you need to talk to her, you need to it out." Russell said. "You can't just jump into it not knowing what's going to happen."

Nick nodded, "Yeah ok, well thanks…for these." He said holding up the cards as he stood. "I better go."

Russell stood up and walked around the desk, he held his hand out to Nick, "I wish you all the best Nick, I really do."

Nick shook his hand and thanked him again. He quickly shoved the cards in his pocket, as though he was scared Russell would take them back. He turned to leave when he was met with a horrifying sight.

"I know Russell was kinda a boring douche but _man _does he have style. Look at this baby!" Schmidt yelled appearing in the doorway wearing what appeared to be Russell's silk robe.

"Schmidt!" Nick yelled. He had completely forgotten he had left Schmidt loose in Russell's closet.

"Is that my robe?" Russell asked angrily.

Schmidt nodded.

"Please tell me you are wearing underwear?" Russell pleaded.

Schmidt looked up sheepishly and lifted the robe, "Do Russell's count?"

Nick hung his head in despair and clung tightly to the cards in his pocket.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey! Sorry for not putting the chapter up sooner.**

**Finally Jess appears lol after all this is a Nick & Jess story. But of course I can't leave Schmidt out, he's just too good not to use!**

**I'm just finishing up with Ch 4 & 5 so hopefully I'll be able to get them up this week as well! **

**Hope you guys are still enjoying this. Thanks for all the amazing responses.**

* * *

After Russell had chastised Schmidt for playing dress up in his wardrobe they had been abruptly ejected from the house. As they stumbled down the drive, Schmidt on Doberman watch, Nick not seeming to care but lost in a world of his own. Schmidt asked if Nick had got the cards. Nick had nodded but gave Schmidt a look that said 'not now.'

As a result the car ride back to the loft was taken in near silence, Schmidt sensed this was not the time intense questioning. When they finally pulled up to the apartment, Schmidt turned off the engine and turned to Nick.

"Look man I don't know what happened back there and you don't have to tell me…" he said genuinely. Nick shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "…but the cards, Jess's card…was it what you wanted?"

Nick's hands instantly tightened around the cards inside his hoodie pocket, he hadn't realised until now he had held them in his hands the entire journey home. He slowly edged them out of his pocket and glanced down at the elegant beauty of Jess's script, the words _true friendship_ visible. Nick shoved the cards back in his pocket and got out of the card without a word or look to Schmidt.

Schmidt called after Nick and quickly followed him, just making the elevator in time.

"Nick…you…" Schmidt said through ragged breaths.

Nick didn't look speak or look to Schmidt as the elevator rose to the fourth floor. They stepped out into the hall still in silence, except for Schmidt's struggled breaths. As they reached the door Schmidt scrambled for his keys Nick stretched his arm out in front of Schmidt blocking him from the door.

"Schmidt I appreciate everything you did for me today…" He said quietly still not quite meeting his eye. "But when we go through this door it will be like none of it ever happened ok? Not what I did, what I said…none of it ok?"

Schmidt sighed, "Nick you can't just pretend…"

"Promise me Schmidt." Nick insisted. "As my best friend, promise me you won't say anything…to _anyone_." Nick glared.

Schmidt waved his hands in defeat, "Fine, fine but let me just say for the record this is a _terrible_ idea and will blow up in your face."

"Noted." Nick said dropping his arm and allowing Schmidt to open the door.

Nick followed him inside, his hand still firmly on those stupid little cards in his pocket and his mind on Russell's words of wisdom. _"You're scared Nick, I understand. You're scared of what she'll say, that she won't feel the same as you or worse that she will." Russell said. "That she will feel exactly the same way and then you will have nothing stopping you from finally having everything you want and then all you have left is the fear you will lose it all." _Nick wasn't scared, he was absolutely terrified.

Nick Miller was terrified of Jessica Day and not just because she had given him not one but two black eyes before. He was terrified of the feelings she ignited in him, terrified that he would never be enough for her and most of all terrified that the darkness within him would extinguish her immaculate light. Nick needed to clear his head, keep all thoughts of Jess far from his mind. He soon discovered however it was not going to be that easy, as he rounded the corner into the kitchen Nick was greeted by possibly the worst sight imaginable right now, Jess standing there with a jar in hand. _Seriously? _He asked with a look to the sky, someone up had a real problem with him.

"Hey guys!" Jess said warmly looking up at them, thankfully putting the jar on the counter as she took in their straggled appearance, "What the hell happened to you guys? You look like the first to contestants kicked off Survivor." She said not able to stop from grinning at her own bad joke, her nose crinkled and eyes gleamed she looked so endearing and it pissed Nick off.

"Out." He said not looking at her, just going straight to the fridge and grabbing a beer and then continuing to stare aimlessly into the fridge.

"Where ya been? Let me in on the action fellas!" she said jokingly, trying to hide her uneasiness at Nick's sharp response.

Schmidt slid onto the bar stool opposite Jess, "We were out doing man things Jessica; you know hunting, gathering, etc, etc. Your feeble feminine mind would not understand."

Jess looked at Schmidt unconvinced, if they didn't want to tell her fine, it was probably something stupid anyway, it always was with those two. "Whatever caveman Schmidt. _I _have had a crazy day trying to get everything ready for CeCe's bachelorette party…" she began then looked up to her roommate. "Sorry…"

But Schmidt shook his head, "Don't be, CeCe's getting married, it is what it is. Just don't ask me to be the stripper. It would be such a cruel trick to play on Cecelia to let her enjoy all this…" he said rubbing his hands up his chest. "…one final time before she has to settle for Mumbai's answer to Bilbo Baggins."

"Schmidt! Jar! Over there…" Jess said pointing to a pile of bags at the end of the counter. "Are all the dirty party favours and games, I really had no idea how many types of penis shaped paraphernalia and vibrators there are…the like seriously some of them have more features than my phone."

Nick nearly spat his beer out at her words. She could not be talking about this, he could not hear this.

Schmidt looked at Jess suspiciously, "Come on Jess don't play the innocent with us, we're all friends here...share, this is a safe space." Nick wanted to punch Schmidt right in the face.

Jess shrugged, "Never needed one."

Nick needed to get out of here now.

Schmidt nodded, "Ah I see you prefer to go old school." He said waving his hand.

"Ewww Schmidt, Jar!" Jess yelled before picking up the jar of sauce and continuing to struggle. "God damn…jars!" she said through uneven breaths Nick could not help but turn to face her, the sounds she was making, it was torturous. "Uhh…"

Nick wanted so desperately to reach out and rip that damn jar from her hands, cover her mouth with his…he took one step forward when he suddenly became aware of Schmidt standing between him and Jess.

"Here let me do that." Schmidt said taking the jar from her feeble hands.

Jess let out a tiny sigh of relief, "Thanks Schmidt."

Nick looked to his friend and also gave him a small nod of gratitude. Nick couldn't stop his face falling into turtle mode though as he watched Schmidt mount a one man war against the jar of pasta sauce.

"Don't mention it, this is man's work." Schmidt said as he did his best to twist the lid off, his face straining in the most unattractive ways. "Its…arghhhh…all in the arms…like this…" he said grinding his teeth as he continued to twist and turn the jar. "Ok this is ridiculous; this is harder to get into that a nun's panties!"

"Jar." Nick and Jess both said at the same time, looking to one another, this was the first time their eyes had met since Nick had entered the kitchen. Jess gave a tiny smile but Nick just looked away, leaning back against the counter returning his attention to Schmidt's fight.

"Yes jar, god damn jars I hate them! This thing is defective!" he said slamming the jar back on the counter. "Argh…I give up."

"What about my pasta?" Jess moaned.

"Order in Jess." Schmidt replied heading to his bedroom. "Your _penne __al'arrabbiata…_" he said in a terrible Italian accent. "is always dry anyway."

"Bah!" she yelled throwing a dish cloth at him as he left. Jess turned back to the still closed jar on the counter. She shot a brief look up to Nick, who did nothing but drain the rest of his beer (forcing his mind to control his mouth and NOT gargle) and then open the fridge to get another.

Seriously? Jess thought looking at him; he was going to be that petty. What was his problem? He had opened a jar for her last night and it had been fine. Ok maybe not fine, more like insanely hot, awkward and sexually charged but he had still done it. What had happened between now and then to turn him into such an ass? Whatever, Jess said, she didn't need him to help her, she didn't need any man, especially Nick Miller, she was a strong and independent woman, she could open her own jars.

Nick watched Jess wrestle with the jar for a few moments, he knew there was no chance she was going to get that lid off but he wanted to see how stubborn she was, how far she would push herself before she just gave up and asked him, till she admitted she needed him. It was a strange power struggle between them but he was certain he would not give in this time.

Jess had even less success with the jar than Schmidt, she gripped her hands around the lid and tried with all the strength she could muster but nothing, it didn't move, it didn't even seem looser. She could feel Nick's eyes boring into her the way they had done last night but this felt different, last night as he watched her she could feel the heat and desire that always seemed to flow between them lately. Now as he stood watching her she could still feel the desire, she doubted that would ever go away, but she also felt anger and frustration. She didn't care what his problem was anymore, all she wanted to do was open this damn jar and pour it all over his stupid turtle face.

After a few moments more Nick finally took in the sad scene before him as tiny Jess Day fought and lost to a jar of sauce. What was he doing? Just open the jar you idiot the voice in his head snapped. He pushed himself away from the counters edge, beer in hand.

"Jess, let me help you." He said, trying to keeps his voice even.

"No." she spat turning away from him, "I can do it."

Nick let out a frustrated sigh, "Give me the jar Jess." He wasn't asking.

Jess scooted further away, "I don't need _your_ help Miller." She said darkly taking a deep breath as she gave the jar one massive twist; she began to feel light headed.

"Jess you look as though you're about to burst! Let me do it!" he demanded reaching out to take the jar from her.

"Get your hands off my jar!" Jess yelled slapping his hand away.

Nick shook his head, "For god's sake why can't you just admit you need my help? Why are you so stubborn?"

"Me?" Jess asked incredulously. "_I'm _stubborn?"

"Yes you." He said pointing at her. "Miss Jessica-I-think-I-know-best-about-everything-Day." 

Jess scowled, "Oh yes cause that's so worse than Mr Nick-I'm-so-angry-I-don't-like-anything-fun-and-I- have-a-turtle-face-Miller."

"Hilarious Jessica." Nick snapped.

"I thought so Nicholas." She bit back still grappling violently with the jar.

Enough Nick thought, he slammed his beer bottle on the counter and grabbed Jess by the shoulders spinning her, forcing her to face him. Jess did her best to fight back.

"No…no, me and my jar don't need you!" She yelled, waving her free arm frantically at him, trying to slap and push him away from her.

"Ow, Jess will you stop…stop hitting me woman!" he yelled doing his best to contain her, he did the only thing he could and pulled her body close to his and wrapped his arms around her. Jess's free arm was pinned to her side whilst her face and the jar were pressed against Nicks heaving chest. Nick quickly became aware this close proximity was in serious breach of the Middle School Dance Rules but he found that he didn't care. Jess still fought against his grasp but he tightened his grip on her, then said lowly, "Jessica…give…me…the…jar…now."

Jess lifted her face up from his chest, her blue eyes lit up with fury as she glared at him. Her mouth pursed into a perfect and all too inviting pout. Slowly Nick felt her free arm struggle upwards and rest against his chest, he felt his heart thunder at her touch, then he felt a hard shove against his body as she pushed him backwards.

"No!" She roared, glowering angrily at him.

Nick's entire face screwed up in rage, "You are so frustrating! You drive me insane!" he yelled, reaching out once more for the jar.

"No, Nick…get off!" Jess yelled back and they returned to their ludicrous struggle.

Finally swatting her hand away Nick had his grip on the jar, he tugged it towards him but Jess would not let go.

"Let go." He demanded.

"No." Jess said and he could have sworn he saw a glint in her eye as she defied him.

"Jessica…" he said tugging on the jar again.

"Nicholas…" she retorted only tightening her grasp.

Nick pulled harder, so did Jess, the tug of war continued until the heat and sweat on their hands caused the jar to slip upwards out of both their grasps. They both watched silent and open mouthed as the jar sailed through the air, in what seemed like slow motion, away from where they stood before it connected with the hard metal of the counters edge, exploding instantly, covering all of Jess's shopping bags in pasta sauce.

"Noooooooooooooo!" Jess yelled rushing over and taking in the horrible scene before her. "Oh my god." She said quietly falling to the floor.

Nick stood back for a moment silently, not sure of what to do next.

"God dammit Nick!" Jess hissed as she began to sort through the bags, everything seemed to be caked in sauce.

Nick stepped forward, "How is this my fault? You wouldn't give me the stupid jar!"

Jess turned her head to answer him, a fiery glare in her eyes when Schmidt appeared in his doorway, his hand covering his eyes.

"Are you two naked?" he asked.

Jess shot him a confused look, "What, no…why would we be naked Schmidt?" she asked returning to her sorting.

Nick glared as Schmidt as he took his hand way and saw the disaster seen before him, "What in the name of Martha Stewart is going on in here?"

"Nick happened." Jess spat, not looking at him.

Nick moved closer to her, "Again I ask how is this my fault? You were the one who refused to ask for my help!"

"I told you I didn't want your help but you wouldn't take no for an answer!" She yelled.

"No means no Nick." Schmidt said unable to suppress a chuckle but Nick's stare warned him not to push him.

"And now look what you've done!" Jess cried out, her voice becoming choked with tears. "Everything's ruined! The decorations the party favours…it's all ruined."

Nick took in the sad scene before him, of Jess sat crying on the floor, upset by something he had done, upset by him. He felt terrible, she was right it was his fault; he had flat out refused to help her, then practically thrown the jar across the room, and for what, all to prove a point, that she had no power over him? Well that had gone perfectly. He bent down beside her and picked up a few pieces of the broken glass, pushing them away from her.

"Jess…" he began but she cut him off.

"Why do you have to ruin _everything_ Miller?" she spat the words with such venom Nick actually felt a chill run through him. He had never heard Jess speak so coldly to someone. He looked in her eyes and saw they were now black and icy, filled with her tears.

Nick tossed the glass back on the ground and stood back up, making a move to walk away. "Whatever Jess."

Jess literally sprung up where she sat and screamed after him, "Aren't you even going to clean it up?"

Nick shrugged, pulling his hood up over his head, "Not my problem."

Jess narrowed her eyes at him, "Cause that's the Nick Miller move right? Start something but never finish it!" she yelled waving her arms wildly, "Heyyyyyy I know I'll be a lawyer! No maybe I'll start a novel! Let's just smash a jar and leave it all over the place for Jess to clean up!" she said doing her impersonation of Nick, which always turned into a scrunched up faced old man. "I'll ask someone on a date and…" she began but stopped herself.

Nick stopped and turned back to her, "And what Jess?"

Schmidt stood awkwardly, snooping through the sauce covered penis items, he whistled lightly but neither Jess nor Nick paid him any attention.

Nick edged closer to Jess now, only inches apart, "What were you going to say Jess? And what?"

Jess looked up darkly at him; she took a light breath and said lowly, "And choke."

Nick took a step back, he felt as though he had just had the wind knocked right out of him. The smug voice in his head couldn't resist cheers of 'I told you so'. Nick hated how Jess well knew him that she was the only one able to see right through him and call him on his bullshit. He hated how somehow she was always right.

And he knew in that moment he she was right; he did somehow manage to ruin everything. Even something so simple as opening a jar he had managed to completely destroy her stuff and make her cry. He looked in Jess eyes and saw the coldness fade away to be replaced instantly by regret and sorrow, now he had made _her _feel bad. Boy Nick Miller really was something.

Jess cleared her throat, holding back from fully breaking down. The genuine apology clear in her words, "Nick…I'm sorry that wasn't fair…"

Nick didn't give her a chance to finish; he just turned towards his room.

"Where are you going?" Jess yelled after him. "Nick we need to talk…"

"No Jess we don't. Ever." He spat nastily as he reached his door, gripping onto the door handle so tight he might rip it off. "You wanted three feet on the floor, well you can have as many feet as you want I'm done."

"What? Nick don't be so stupid." Jess aid as she rushed after him, she reached out for his arm but he pushed her away.

"Go away Jess." He said opening the door. "Just leave me the hell alone." He snarled as he slammed door in her face.


	4. Chapter 4

Nick spent the remainder of the night locked away in his room, doing anything he could to possibly occupy his mind, to keep it from thinking about Jess and what a total fool he was.

He tried to block out the sounds as Jess stomped around the kitchen yelling about what a jerk he was and that she was through will all his stupid games! He tried not to listen as Schmidt helped her clear up, doing his best to calm her down and convince her to talk to Nick. Jess nearly exploded at this suggestion and Nick was pretty sure he heard her throw something hard at Schmidt causing him to yelp like a dog. After a little while he heard light but definitely angry footsteps approach his room, he felt them stop outside his door and held his breath for a moment. Was she going to come in? Did he want her to? That was a ridiculous question, of course he did. Nick got off his bed and hovered behind his door, convinced he could hear forced, irritated breathing on the other side. He waited for her Jess knock, three little light taps of her knuckles or maybe considering the mood he had put her in three pounding fists on his door but they never came. He heard the shuffle of footsteps and then the crashing sound of her door closing.

Nick suppressed an anguished groan and threw himself face first on his bed. At first he tried sleep, willing his eyes to close and just forget this whole day but he knew that would be impossible. So he tried to read, he flicked through some sports magazines not taking in a single word. He then tried the novel he had started six months ago and yet was still only halfway through chapter three. He moved to his desk and thought about going back to his own novel, trying to finally get the damn thing finished but then Jess's face appeared in his mind, yelling at him tears in her eyes. He slammed the laptop shut and grabbed his iPod, flinging himself back down on the unmade sheets with a defeated sigh.

As soon as he pressed play his eardrums nearly burst as the sound of Metallica exploded in his ears. Nick forgot he had been listening to this when he had been trying to fix a leak in the bathroom the other day, Nick liked metal for DIY it was usually when he was able to let out all his anger on some poor defenceless object. Angry fixing Jess called it, it rarely worked and more often than not made the problem worse but it was Nick's way. Nick thought he was angry enough for tonight, he set it to shuffle and lay back, desperately trying to force Jess's hurt face from his mind. His iPod however seemed to have other ideas as the first song came on.

_Whitesnake – Is This Love?_

Eugh, Nick thought, pressing the skip button.

_Lifehouse – You & Me_

Skip.

_Kings of Leon – Use Somebody_

Nick grasped the iPod tighter in his hands and skipped to the next song.

_Ed Sheeran – Give Me Love_

Seriously? Nick thought skipping the song practically punching the button.

_The White Stripes – Fell In Love With A Girl_

Skip.

_The Black Keys – Too Afraid To Love You_

For the love of god Nick thought, there was something wrong with this thing! He skipped to the next song and swore if it was Adele that would be it; he would jump right out of his bedroom window. But it wasn't Adele; it was much, much worse.

_Taylor Swift – You Belong With Me_

Nick sat bolt upright and listened as Taylors chirpy voice yapped in his ear. Why in the hell was Taylor Swift on his iPod? Then Nick had a sudden flashback to a few months ago when he was feeling particularly down, even for him, not long after Angie had left him at the cabin. He had been looking for his iPod, only to find Jess had taken it, she gave it back to him with a very Jess type grin and told him to check the playlists. He scrolled down and found the 'Let the Sunshine In – The Anti-Nick Miller Playlist' which she had preceded to fill up with her cool hipster bands and cheesy pop, which included of course Taylor Swift.

God how was she able to always invade his mind? There was literally no escaping her. With Taylor still whining in his ear Nick yanked the earphones from his head and threw the iPod across the room. It was probably broken but Nick didn't care. He jumped out of his bed and grabbed his laptop from his desk, there was only one thing left to do, weird things on his computer.

* * *

Late the next morning Nick lay in bed, laptop open, ear phones in, he didn't want anyone to know what he was watching. He had barely slept, maybe a few half hour snoozes between three and six am but for most of the night he had just lay there, unable to switch his brain off. He'd snuck out around one am and grabbed some food once he was pretty sure everyone else was asleep, the kitchen looked immaculate, like nothing had ever happened, but when Nick opened the trash he was reminded of his handy work, it was filled with all Jess's destroyed party stuff.

He had listened silently this morning as Jess stomped up and down the hall to the bathroom, then hovered outside his door as she yelled a little too loudly to the others she was going back to the store to replace all her _ruined_ stuff. Again she had waited outside his door, as if she was waiting for him to come out and apologise. What did she expect that he would offer to pay for it? Nick didn't care if it was his fault he was not paying to replace penis shaped straws and god knows what else was in those bags. After a few moments of waiting he heard Jess storm off, muttering none too loudly about selfish and infuriating jackasses.

That had been an hour ago but still Nick hadn't moved, he just continued to hide out in his room. As much as he was avoiding Jess he also could not deal with his other roommates right now. Winston was pretty much confused about everything that was going on from what Nick could overhear through the door last night and wanted to stay the hell of it but Nick knew he would still have some pretty awkward questions. And Schmidt? Well Schmidt would be Schmidt and that was something Nick did not need.

As if on cue Schmidt opened Nick's door and entered gingerly. "Afternoon handsome."

Nick let out an annoyed grunt, he said pulling one ear phone free, "Eurgh Schmidt don't call me that, it's weird."

Schmidt rolled his eyes, "There is nothing weird about one man-friend giving another a compliment…" he paused. "…despite its obviously false nature to cheer him up."

"I don't need cheering up." Nick barked. Not even bothering to comment on Schmidt's rebuked compliment. "And don't call me your man-friend! That's even worse."

"First things first Nicholas you are my man-friend, my _compadré_, my buddy…" Schmidt began.

"You make me sound like a dog Schmidt." Nick growled, his eyes flicking to the screen occasionally.

"Hmmm if the shoe fits…" Schmidt said surveying the catastrophic mess that was Nick's room, "but quite frankly a dog would be more house proud."

"Go away Schmidt."

But Schmidt just shut the door behind him and sat down on the corner of Nick's bed, crossing his legs and giving Nick what he was sure was meant to be a kind smile but only served to make Nick uncomfortable. "Don't be like that Nicholas I've come here to help you."

"Oh god." Nick said sitting himself up in his bed.

Schmidt smiled, "You know it's strange to hear that from man in bed." Schmidt said. "Still I'll take it."

"Jar Schmidt." Nick said with shudder. "And it was not a compliment. Will you just go away." He said pointing to the door, turning his attention back to his computer.

"No Nick I will not go away." Schmidt replied. "And will you turn that thing off? What are you even watching?" he asked reaching out to turn the screen to face him.

Nick instantly tugged the computer back out of Schmidt's reach. "No." he said simply.

Schmidt raised an eyebrow, "No? What are you watching? Porn?" he asked craning his head to see. "Is it really dirty?"

"Yep, disgusting, filthy…horrible stuff Schmidt." Nick said instantly regretting it, whilst the idea of freaky porn would turn most people off Schmidt only grew more intrigued, the little pervert.

"Let me see!" he yelled a little too excited lunging for the computer once again.

Nick slapped the laptop shut with a loud smack and glared warningly at Schmidt.

Schmidt leant back and put his hands up, "Ok, ok keep your freaky deaky secrets, I don't care." He said unconvincingly. "Did it have animals in it?"

"Jar!" Nick yelled.

"Fine!" Schmidt said. "Look Nick I know you are not one to talk about how you feel…" he began, Nick shot daggers at him. "…but what happened yesterday…"

Nick cut him off, "Nothing happened yesterday." He said simply.

Schmidt rolled his eyes, "Come on Nick seriously? You can't just act as though nothing happened."

Nick shrugged.

Schmidt was growing increasingly frustrated; he stood up put his hand to his forehead. "Look as much as the idea of you and Jess getting all…" he said before making kissing noises. "and bumping uglies makes me want to bring up my _huevos racnheros…_"

Nick looked at him confused.

"Winston and I went out for brunch." Schmidt explained. "We needed to escape the Day-Miller war of attrition and potential atomic pasta explosions. Jess was stomping around here like a pissed off smurf this morning. Can you believe that girl threw my own crepe pan at me yesterday?"

"You didn't tell Winston did you Schmidt?" Nick asked angrily leaning forward.

"Of course not!" Schmidt replied insulted by the accusation. "I promised to keep your not-so secret little crush to myself and unlike _some_ people I actually understand what the word oath means."

Nick rolled his eyes and flopped back against the wall. "Whatever."

Schmidt ignored Nick and continued with his unwanted advice, "As I was saying, whilst the idea of two you together is hideous there is clearly something there so I think you need to locate your testicles under all that chubby disappointment and go talk to that doe-eyed vixen and figure this out once and for all."

"It's not that easy Schmidt." Nick snapped.

"No Nick it is that easy." Schmidt replied. "Life is not quite the struggle you seem to make it out to be. You want something you go for it, sometimes you get it and sometimes you don't but this difference with you Nick is you don't even try. Me on the other hand, I crush everything!"

Nick felt himself shrink back at Schmidt's words, "I don't need a pep talk from you Schmidt."

"No what you need is a big boot up your flabby ass!" Schmidt said. "Yesterday you were so utterly convinced you were in love with Jess you were willing to climb over gates and break into houses, risking your life and mine I might add, against the hounds of hell, and now what you're just done?" he said sceptically.

Nick shrugged, refusing to meet his friend's eyes.

"I refuse to be forced to live in this house of teenage angst any longer! The will they/wont they storyline has grown beyond tiresome Nick." Schmidt griped. "I'm sick of all the arguments and drama and exploding objects! By the way I am billing you two for my fish tank."

"That's exactly why this it wouldn't work Schmidt! Look at all the damage and drama over the past few months and we're not even together." Nick growled. "Things would only get worse."

"You can't possibly know that." Schmidt replied.

"Yes I do Schmidt." Nick replied darkly.

"What are there fortune tellers in your gypsy heritage?" Schmidt scoffed.

"No but it's like you said Schmidt I'm irrevocably damaged and have the shittiest record with women. Relationships and Nick Miller don't work. I can't help myself I always have to screw it up and I'm not doing that again, not with…" he couldn't bring himself to say her name. "…her."

Schmidt threw his hands up in despair, "You're making this decision from what _I _said? Ten years Nick! Ten years I have been trying to get you to listen to me, about your hair, your diet, your complete lack of any fashion sense and _now _is the time you decide to listen!"

"You were right." Nick said.

"No I wasn't…" Schmidt replied. "Ok yes I was, its true Nick you are all of those things, _beyond _damaged and broken and in need of some serious anger management but…"

"Where are you going with this Schmidt?" Nick snapped.

Schmidt looked at his friend with a heavy sigh, "But I think Jess could be good for you."

Nick took in his words and knew he was right, Jess would be so good for Nick, too good. "Maybe but I'd be no good for her." He said darkly. "I _ruin_ everything remember?"

Schmidt rolled his eyes, "Jeez who do you think you are? Some kind of bad boy from the wrong side of the tracks? Please, you're afraid of commitment and that you might screw things up Nick, you're basically every guy on the planet." He added. "Besides I think it will take more than Nick Miller's relationship phobias to ruin Jessica Day, that girl is like Pippi Longstockings on acid at Disneyland. With a mean right arm as well." He added rubbing the sore spot on his arm where the crepe pan had apparently struck him.

Nick scowled at his friend; this was the second time in 24 hours someone had called him afraid. He was starting to get really pissed off, people needed to stay the hell out of his business. He jumped up off of the bed. "Schmidt I'm done talking to you about this ok?"

"Nick…"

"No Schmidt, I don't know what I felt for Jess ok but it doesn't matter I'm not going to talk to her about it. It would never ever work and just mess things up more than they already are. I just want things to go back and forget all this stupid crap ever happened." Nick yelled as Schmidt opened his mouth to argue. "Look I need to shower; I'm working a double shift at the bar. Just leave it alone Schmidt." He added before stomping out of his room, leaving Schmidt standing alone maddened by the whole situation.

Well fine if he doesn't want by help screw him, let him end up a miserable lonely old drunk, Schmidt thought. I'm done with their high school crap, it's not like I don't have my own stuff to deal with, he thought trying to keep his mind away from CeCe and her upcoming nuptials. He turned to leave but Nick's closed laptop caught his eye. He listened carefully for a moment and heard the bathroom door close with an almighty slam, Nick wouldn't be back any time soon and Schmidt couldn't resist peeking at what he had been watching, hoping for something indecent and obscene to cheer him up. Schmidt was surprised as Nick tended to very traditional and vanilla with his pornographic choices, he wasn't as open minded as Schmidt. Quietly Schmidt opened the computer and waited for it to return to life; a second later he was truly horrified by what his eyes witnessed.

"Oh Nick…" Schmidt whispered to himself as he watched Johnny teach Baby how to dance the Mambo.

* * *

Later that night Jess carefully and quietly edged her bedroom door open, poking her head out to survey the hallway, cautiously she tiptoed outside. The loft was silent and apparently deserted.

"Guys?" she called out loudly. "Helloooooooo…anyone home?" but no one replied.

Jess exhaled a heavy sigh of relief; she had the whole loft to herself, exactly what she wanted, she was avoiding all of her male roommates at this moment in time. Peace and quiet, perfection. No stupid boys smashing jars or banging around like emotionally stunted turtle faced jackasses, well maybe there was just one boy in particular she was hoping to avoid. No, she stopped herself immediately as she let Nick's grumpy image invade her mind, she would not think about him anymore. She had spent all day violently obsessing over his infuriating antics yesterday and his refusal to offer any explanation as to what the hell his problem was. Jess supposed she should be used to the Nick Miller mode of operation by now, heaven forbid he would act like an emotionally mature adult, express his feelings, listen to others and try to resolve the situation, no that sounded far too simple and healthy. Damn that grumpy mystery!

It was like she had told the cashier at the sex store this morning after she had to go back and re-buy ALL the stuff for CeCe's party, which thanks to Nick's sauce attack ended up costing even more as the glow in the dark penis whistles were no longer on special, he would never be able to tell her how he really felt, which meant they would most likely be stuck in this ridiculous merry-go-round of tension and frustration forever. Well no more, Jess told the poor girl behind the counter, Jess was done with his juvenile games, she had decided to take the mature approach, she was just going to ignore him forever. Yep, totally mature and healthy idea Day she told himself, act as though he doesn't exist, she won't waste another second thinking about that man.

Even though she had just spent the past ten minutes thinking about him whilst she made her tea, well no more she told herself. Starting now Nick Miller didn't exist to her, she would not think about him, not about his stupid turtle face, or his bedraggled hair, or his dark incomprehensible eyes… or his perfect lips ferociously covering her own… No she would not think about any of those things she warned herself, those thoughts were now banned. Jess felt suddenly hot and overwhelmed, must be the heat from the kettle she told herself.

With a weary sigh she turned her attention to the large metal tin beside her, decorated with vintage pictures of cakes, Jess felt after the past few days she deserved a little treat. She tugged at the lid and it came off with ease, see she didn't need anyone's help she grunted internally and frowned at its contents. Three days ago she had baked a dozen cupcakes and a tray of cookies, the guys had lambasted her again for her endless baking, but that hadn't seem to stop them helping themselves to the finished results, all that remained was a broken half of a oatmeal and raisin cookie, and two cupcakes, one with lemon frosting and one chocolate.

Jess reached out instinctively for the lemon cupcake, she always left the last chocolate one for Nick as they were his favourite and he loved to have them when he came home from a long shift at the bar. Jess never understood the combination of beer and cupcakes at four am but it always seemed to cheer Nick up. Then Jess hesitated. She picked up the chocolate cupcake and surveyed it for a moment, assessing what her next move was to be. She could just eat it, there were no loft laws that said the last chocolate cupcake belonged to Nick Miller, besides she was the one who had spent hours making the damn things without so much as a thank you. Maybe she would sabotage it, maybe she would lick it and put it back or cover it in hot sauce or something, she thought excitedly. Then Jess felt a wave of guilt flood through her, she wasn't this sort of girl, one who would do something so petty on purpose just to spite someone else. Jess went to put the cake back when suddenly the image of Nick's scrunched up and heated face from yesterday burst into her mind as he slammed his bedroom door angrily her face, any worry or guilt Jess felt evaporated instantly and she felt pure fury rush in her veins. She grabbed the chocolate cupcake and took the biggest bite right off the top, chocolate frosting smearing across her lips.

"Sucks to be you turtle face." She snarled slamming the lid of the cake tin shut.

* * *

Half an hour later Jess sat on the couch, the cake tin now lie completely empty on the coffee table Jess having consumed not only Nick's last chocolate cake but also the lemon one and the crumbled half of the cookie. She wasn't comfort eating she told herself, she was just hungry that's all, besides she had nothing to comfort eat about. Nothing had happened, not really, she hadn't been dumped or broken up with a guy, she didn't even have a boyfriend, no she had a…what did he call them? Roomfriends? Dammit, she thought, how had she let him back into her mind again? Jess had been waging an internal battle ever since she sat down to try and watch a movie to keep her brain occupied but no matter what she did Nick always seemed to worm his way back into her thoughts, she just couldn't keep him out.

Her whole pretending Nick Miller didn't exist plan was failing pretty miserably and now she had cupcake guilt on top of that. The sad thought of a tired and hungry Nick coming home from his late shift and finding someone had eaten his cake bothered Jess more than she liked. Maybe she should bake another batch of chocolate ones? Or would that be too obvious? Maybe she could bake a few different flavours and throw some chocolate ones in so he didn't realise she had done it for him. My god what was she thinking, all this over a stupid cake? And after how he behaved yesterday quite frankly he deserved a lot worse but Jess still hated the thought that her actions, not matter how silly or tiny, could upset stupid Nick Miller. Argh no, she thought, forget the cupcake and forget him, he does not exists, just sit and watch the movie Jess.

Jess was so concentrating on forcing her brain to take in the scene before her on the TV and keeping all thoughts of Nick from her mind she didn't notice the loft door click open and it was only when she heard a shriek from the doorway did she realise she was not alone.

"STOP!" Schmidt yelled as he slammed the front door. "Stop this at once!" he screamed at her rushing towards the TV.

Jess stared up at him in confusion, "Schmidt what the hell is wrong with you?"

"Turn this filth off my television Jessica Day…immediately." He demanded.

"Schmidt it's just Dirty Dancing." Jess said still completely lost.

"Exactly." Schmidt said as he stood before Jess. "This abomination is like a disease, its everywhere!"

"Ok, ok." Jess said grabbing the remote and hitting pause, the movie froze instantly on the screen.

"I said off Jess." Schmidt said looking at the screen. "And as I can still see Swayze you clearly have some issue understanding the English language. Turn. It. Off. Now."

"Fine." Jess growled jumping up and tossing the remote back on the couch. "Jeez what jumped up your butt?"

"You did!" Schmidt yelled Jess physically recoiled at his words. "You and Nick and your ridiculous low budget remake ofWhen Harry Met Sally jumped right up my perfectly toned buttocks and have ruined my home! With the looks, and the yelling and the…the Dirty damn Dancing! No more!"

"What?" Jess asked shocked by his outburst.

"For the love of god just make up your minds people! Just let him into your door already or be done with it!" Schmidt yelled.

"I err…Schmidt…" Jess stammered, Schmidt moved closer to her his eyes glaring at her like an angry parent.

"Sit down Jessica I think it's time you and I had a little chat." He said quietly, trying to calm himself.

Jess took a step back, "Schmidt I don't think you and I…don't take this the wrong way but you are the _last_ person on earth…"

"Silence." Schmidt yelled raising his hand in the air. "Sit." He said pointing to the couch.

Jess was in such shock she had no idea what to do other than follow his instructions. Slowly she sat down and looked up at him, not wanting to speak in case he yelled at her again.

Schmidt sat down silently on the edge of the couch, crossing his legs and turning to Jess with an extremely serious expression on his face. "I'm going to ask you something and I want the truth Jess, not some on the fence lousy 'we're just good friends' or 'I don't know how I feel' answer ok?"

Jess nodded silently.

"And if you say the words 'it's complicated' I will not be held responsible for my actions." Schmidt warned.

Jess nodded again still unable to speak.

"And I will know if you're lying, I have a way of reading people. It's a gift. He said quite proud of himself. "So don't think you can even try and bullSchmidt me,_ capiché_?"

"O-ok." Jess mumbled.

Schmidt nodded seemingly quite pleased at how intimidated she was, "Good. So…are you in love with Nick?"

And just like that Jess felt all the air in the room evaporate instantly.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Just wanted to say thanks so much for the amazing response to this story and the other silly little one shots. All the love definitely helps with motivation lol I know this is kinda a filler chapter but hopefully works for the whole story. **

**I'm going to try and get Ch6 up asap as well as it leads straight off this one too, just finishing up with it now. I'll do my best to get it up asap!**

* * *

Nick slammed the two pint glasses hard on the bar, causing beer to splosh out and creating a wet pool by the customers arm.

"Hey!" the guy leaning against the bar protested, his right arm now covered in a wet patch from his drink.

Nick neither looked up nor apologised. "That'll be $10.90." he merely grunted.

The customer mumbled something under his breath about rudeness and handed Nick a note. Nick snatched the money again not looking up, stomped over to the register, practically punching the keys, grabbed the guys change and slammed the drawer shut with such vigour the liquor bottles above it shook. He thrust a handful of coins at the customer with another grunt.

"What's that?" the man asked confused staring at the collection of coins in his palm.

"It's your change genius." Nick snapped as whipped his towel off his shoulder and began roughly drying some glasses. "If you don't want it, tip jars there." He said nodding to the jar on the edge of the bar, which unsurprisingly given Nick's mood tonight was running pretty low.

"You can't be serious? Like I would tip _you_!" the guy scoffed. "You, you were nothing but rude taking our order and then spilt beer all over me and now you're trying to scam me!"

"Excuse me?" Nick asked looking up and scrunching his face in anger.

"You heard me, I gave you a fifty." The man snapped.

"You gave me a twenty." Nick said flatly.

"I did not! I gave you a god damn fifty, now I want the rest of my money!" the man said leaning over the bar getting in Nick's face.

Nick slammed his fist down on the hard wood of the bar, "Listen pal do you know how many people try and pull this scam? I've done this job for a long time…"

"Well that's something to be proud of…" the guys friend chipped in, picking up his beer.

Nick rounded on him now, his eyes black with anger, "You got something to say? Maybe we should take this outside…" Nick began, what was he saying? Nick didn't get into fights, he wasn't that guy but tonight something inside him felt different, he was on edge, like he was going to snap at any moment.

"What the hell is going on here?" an annoyed voice called from behind him. "Nick?"

Nick turned to see Shane standing there, crossed arms and a really pissed expression on her face.

"Nothing…" he began but the first idiot chimed in.

"I paid for our beers with a fifty but this moron…" he said nodding to Nick. "Tried to palm me off with change for a twenty! And then he tried threatening us!"

"It was a twenty! 2-0!" Nick roared.

Shane opened the register and grabbed a note before walking towards the bar, pushing Nick aside she handed the guy a $50 note. "Hey guys I'm really sorry ok, our mistake." She said shooting a nasty glare Nick's way. "Next rounds on the house as well."

The guy nodded his thanks and pocketed the money, him and his friend giving Nick a smug grin as they headed off to a booth.

Shane rounded on Nick. "What the hell is wrong with you tonight Nick? Those idiots are the third customers you've practically ran out of this place!"

Nick just shrugged and went back to his drying. "Whatever."

"I'd say I'd take the money out of your tips but…" she said picking up the near empty jar. "What would be the point?"

Nick ignored her, he just wanted her to go away, his shift had barely started and he was already in a beyond foul mood, the last thing he needed was to deal with Shane's crap. She had pretty much been on his case non-stop for the past few weeks. Nick guessed there was no real mystery as to why he was getting the rough end of his boss's anger at the moment; he had after all unceremoniously broken up with her the day after 'Guys Night' with a less than stellar explanation, doing his best not to mention his extremely complicated 'roomfriend' problem. Then he had to miss his next shift due to the fact he had to repair the apartment floors after a fish tank exploded all over it, he had totally understood her scepticism at this excuse. And then he called to say he had to fly back to Chicago because his father had died. Shane had been understanding and sympathetic about that situation but as soon as Nick got back she wasted no time in exacting her revenge, hence the long and horrible shifts lately and dictator like management style. Work wasn't half as much fun when you're not sleeping with your boss anymore.

Shane stared at him, "Nick half of those glasses are still filthy, did you even put cleaner in the dish washer? God you are useless. You're gunna have to wash them again…"

Nick cut her off slapping his towel down against the hard bar causing a harsh whipping sound. "For god's sake Shane would you just give me a damn break already?"

Shane stood back, clearly not used to being spoken to like that by a guy, least of all a guy like Nick. "Well maybe if you stopped screaming at customers and actually did what I asked…"

But Nick interrupted her again, "If I'm so bad at my job then why don't you just fire me?" Nick snapped. He didn't mean to say that, he told himself, god what if she called his bluff and actually did fire him? What would he do then? Nick cursed himself and his inability to think before he opened his damn mouth.

Shane just shook her head and stepped away from him. "Don't be so ridiculous Nick. You're not useless, your actually pretty good at your job," she said, Nick wasn't sure whether he was pleased or annoyed by her statement. "But tonight you're being a real pain in the ass."

Nick rolled his eyes muttered some combination which included the words sorry and tired and whatever.

Shane sighed, "Well after tonight you're lack of customer service will no longer be my problem."

"What?" Nick asked looking up at her. "You're leaving?"

Shane nodded, "My dad has brought this place downtown and he needs someone to run it. It's more of a…" she looked around the modest and simple bar, taking in the smell of stale beer and peanuts. "…exclusive establishment."

Nick understood, to be honest he had never really thought Shane fit in at the bar anyways. She seemed to enjoy its plain feel and rowdy atmosphere at first but he had noticed she had become increasingly agitated lately. Particularly since their work time hook ups had come to an end, she just seemed bored.

"Sounds cool." He said.

"Yep. So tonight's the last night I will officially be your boss and can tell you to get your ass back to work and clean those glasses." She said.

Nick rolled his eyes again and returned to his drying. Shane busied herself organising the liquor bottles behind him, noting those which needed to be changed. Nick watched her from the corner of his eye, he knew it was his delusional ego clouding his mind with ridiculous thoughts but a part of him wondered. He cleared his throat. "Shane…you leaving, it's not anything to do with…with me is it?"

Shane turned to face him and literally squawked a laugh right in his face. "Nick seriously?" she said with a bigger laugh, Nick felt his ego deflate instantly. "No, no…God no. You and I we were…it was nothing Nick, just a work fling. I wasn't crying into my pillow at night when it ended." She said with another laugh.

Nick's face fell into a frown as he began to dry the glasses with greater roughness. "Then why have you been such a grade A bitch to me lately?" he barked.

Shane shot him a questioning look, again surprised by his boldness but she smiled at his words. "You still dumped me Nick. Just because I didn't fall madly in love with you and want to have your babies doesn't mean I was cool with _you_ being the one to end it." she said simply. "Come on anyone in my position would have done the same."

Nick thought about her words and knew she was right, it was the most basic rule, you should never date your co-workers, it always ends badly and one person has to suffer. Yep Nick had definitely learnt that lesson now, no more co-workers…or roommates. God Nick really knew how to make life difficult for himself.

"Spose." He said.

Shane stopped what she was doing and edged closer to Nick, "Sorry, have I bruised your ego?"

Nick shook his head, backing away from her. "What? No, no I…"

"Relax Nick I'm just messing with you." Shane said with a laugh as Big Bob appeared at her side with a crate of bottles. "Here Nick change over these will you, the vodka and Jack are running low."

Nick nodded and tossed his towel over his shoulder as he began to unscrew the bottle pourers from the empty spirits. He managed to do the first two bottles effortlessly but as he tried to remove the third pouring spout from an empty vodka bottle the damn thing just wouldn't budge. As Nick fought with the tiny metal spout his mind suddenly swept back to the previous day, the memory of Jess struggling in vain to open that jar before he had so gallantly stepped in and ruined everything flashed in his mind. Nick pulled at the bottle more aggressively as he remembered his senseless behaviour that had only served to make things worse between him and Jess.

"For the love of…why won't you come off you ridiculous…stubborn…infuriating…" Nick growled in his one man war against the bottle.

"Err Nick, you maybe wanna put that bottle down before you break it, Bob can…" Shane said eyeing him hesitantly.

"Hey buddy can I get a beer?" a tall guy asked appearing at the bar. Nick ignored him completely.

"Nick why don't you serve this guy…" Shane began but Nick just shook his head still fighting with the bottle.

"Just a beer…" the guy asked looking to Nick.

"Go away." Nick yelled back, the guy visibly jumped back from the bar.

"Nick!" Shane yelled. "I'm sorry sir; he'll be right with you. Nick…" she hissed lowly reaching out for the bottle. "Give me that damn thing!"

"No!" Nick snapped twisting away from her, determined to free this bottle top. "I can do it, I can fix it…I don't ruin things…" he growled to himself.

Shane's arms reached out and finally took the bottle from Nick's grasp. She nodded to Bob who served the customer who looked confused and uncomfortable.

Nick threw both is hands to his face and emitted a low pained grown into them. Shane dragged him away and round the hidden corner of the bar.

"Seriously Nick what the hell is going on with you? You are all over the place." Shane asked.

Nick didn't answer.

"Trouble at home with the little lady?" Shane said quietly.

Nick dropped his hands from his face and turned to face her, "What?"

"Your girlfriend, the big doe-eyed one, Tess…" Shane said, her voice cool.

"Jess." Nick said corrected her immediately.

"Whatever." Shane replied.

"And she's not my girlfriend." He corrected her again.

"Really?" Shane asked this time unable to keep her voice calm and even, the hope and interest evident in her tone. "Oh I thought that was why you…" she said but didn't finish her sentence.

Nick knew what she was about to say, Shane thought the reason he had ended things between them was because of Jess, because he wanted her and she was right. If it hadn't been for that chin-shiner incident and pain pill revelation from Jess Nick might never have known she was interested in him at all, and in all likelihood he wouldn't have broken things off with Shane. He doubted very much they would still be seeing each other, like Shane had said it wasn't exactly a big love affair but then Nick wondered again, Shane did seem a little too pleased with the fact he and Jess were in fact not together. Nick took in the woman standing before him; she was beautiful any idiot could see that, with her olive skin and deep hazel eyes. She had an amazing figure as well Nick remembered, like a model straight out of Sports Illustrated. Nick couldn't believe his luck when she had come on to him that first night at the bar. But looking at her now he felt nothing, no lust, no desire, nothing. All his mind could see was dazzling blue eyes and a wild mess of dark brown curls, a tiny frame which felt so right caught in his embrace, pink lips which needed to be claimed by his own. Nick hated how Jess had consumed him completely, he doubted if there would ever come a day he wanted another woman the way he wanted her.

Suddenly Nick became aware of Shane's hand trailing up his arm, dancing lightly across his chest as she whispered something lightly. He straightened immediately at her touch not taking in her words, sheer panic creeping into his mind.

"Wh…what did you say?" he asked trying to edge back from her.

"I said that means you're single then." she said leaning closer to him.

"Err well technically yes but…" Nick stammered.

"Technically works for me." Shane said with a soft smile as she leant forward, her lips pursed aiming for his.

The panic which had begun to creep into Nick's brain now flooded through his entire body. In a flash he raised his hand in front of his mouth as if to create some sort of kissing shield from Shane's lips. Shane opened her eyes as her mouth connected with the palm of Nick's hand. She pulled back, humiliation rushed over her face. Smooth as always Miller.

"Shane I…" Nick began.

"You said she wasn't your girlfriend." Shane said simply.

Nick nodded in response.

"But you want her to be?" she asked.

Nick sighed heavily, "I don't know…she's…we're…" Nick stammered, Shane was the last person on the planet he wanted to talk to about Jess and from the hurt expression on her face it didn't seem like she was too crazy about the idea. "Shane I'm sorry."

Shane held up her hands to stop him, "Its ok Nick, honestly, forget about it." She paused straightening her jacket, "Look why don't you take the rest of the night off?"

"You sure?" Nick asked dubiously.

Shane nodded, "Think of it as my parting gift to you. Besides the mood you've been in tonight you'll probably chase the rest of the customers away. Go home Nick."

"Ok, thanks Shane." He said quietly, not sure what to do next.

"Don't worry about it. I'll see ya around Nick." she said with a slightly sad smile before she walked away to the manager's office.

Nick didn't say anything, he just watched her go. Nick stood there for a moment and took in Shane's words, _go home Nick._ Nick knew what she meant, go home and talk to Jess, she was the third and probably least likely person in three days that had told him to talk to her. Maybe he should just bite the bullet already and talk to her, he knew she would probably be back in the loft, sitting there still stewing over the events of yesterday and the fact that he had not apologised for ruining her stuff. Nick ran the scenario in his head; he knew exactly how it would go from start to finish. Nick would walk in the loft, Jess would try to ignore him at first and he would flat out refuse to be the first one to break, eventually his stubbornness would cause her to snap and instead of sitting down talking their issues out a crazy shouting match would erupt. Hurtful things would be said, insults would be thrown, most of it would be nonsense, just things thrown in the heat of the argument but then one of them would say something true and it would cross that line. They would yell, they would scream, they would storm away to their rooms, angry and frustrated. Nick knew this is what would happen, this is what always happened between them and right now he was too tired to fight with her.

Nick flipped the bar up and stomped over to the busy side where Big Bob was managing not to yell or insult any of the few remaining customers. He gave Nick a nod.

"You ok man?" he asked.

Nick slumped onto one of the bar stools and frowned, "No Bob you know what I am pretty far from ok right now."

"You wanna talk about it?" Bob asked in his deep, concerned voice.

Nick shook his head, "No I wanna drink."

* * *

Jess had neither spoken nor even dared to raise her eyes to meet Schmidt's since he asked her his heart-wrenching question. She had instead sat in utter silence for the past ten minutes, eyes firmly cast downwards as her fingers played with the buttons on her pyjama shirt.

"I'm waiting Jessica." Schmidt said glaring at her.

Jess shifted uncomfortably on the couch, she had never felt so scrutinised in her entire life as she did right now with Schmidt's beady eyes on her. It was such a ridiculous question, she thought to herself, of course she wasn't in love with Nick! Sure she cared about him (most of the time), he was her friend and roommate and yes she was attracted to him (more often than she would allow herself to acknowledge) but most of the time (and especially lately) he just really pissed her off.

"Jess?" Schmidt snapped calling her back to the moment.

"Schmidt it's…" Jess stopped as Schmidt's eyes went wide, waiting for her to break his rule and say 'it's complicated'. "…a very difficult and…problematical situation."

Schmidt nodded, almost impressed with her vocabulary sidestep. "Yes Jess I understand all the emotional angst and torment which accompanies these ridiculous will they/wont they trysts, I watch The CW."

Jess raised her eyebrows, "You do?"

Schmidt shrugged no shame. "I like to stay in touch with the youths."

Jess cringed at his words, remembering his awful attempts to bond with their twenty-something neighbours last year.

Schmidt leant forward, "You still haven't answered my question, are you in love with Nick?"

Jess glared at Schmidt, she wished he would stop saying _that _word. That word and Nick in the same sentence caused her heart to pound and her head to become a cloudy mess of confusing memories and moments she had spent two years rationalizing away. So what if she wanted to take care of him, to put his happiness and well-being above everyone else and so what if she wanted to rip his clothes off and jump him practically every time she saw him, it didn't mean she was in love with him...right?

"Jess stop sitting there staring like a coma patient and answer me!" Schmidt yelled.

Jess snapped her face Schmidt and scowled under her glasses at his exasperated expression. She paused for a moment, took a deep breath and looked him straight in the eyes, "No."

Schmidt cocked his head in surprise and sat back against the couch. "Really? You sure about that?"

Jess nodded. Schmidt didn't say anything he just sat back and stared at Jess, she felt herself becoming uneasy under his scrutiny once more. What was he looking at, he had asked her his stupid question and she had given him his answer. Why didn't he just go away and leave her alone to finish watching Dirty Dancing in peace. She had told him, she didn't love Nick; of course she didn't love Nick! Nick was…well Nick, her friend, her roommate, her sometimes make-out buddy. Did two times count as sometimes, she thought to herself? Her little crush or attraction or whatever would go away in time and that's all it was, a crush. There was nothing deep or meaningful between them, certainly nothing like love.

Jess thought back over the past two years, over everything that had happened, every single important event and defining moment and realised Nick was there. She needed help, she called Nick. She was upset, he comforted her. Something good happened for her, he was there to celebrate. He encouraged her, he supported her, he challenged her, he yelled at her when she needed it and sometimes when he was just being cranky. She had lost count of the number of times he had rescued her, whether from scary imagined pipe noises or potential murderous students or just general awkward Jess situations. Nick would always come when she needed him, and she would always call him. She would always chose him, over everyone in her life when anything happened good or bad, no matter how small or how important Jess would always think of Nick first, she would always want Nick first.

I want him, she thought to herself as the shocking sense of realisation crept through her body. I need him.

Jess suddenly set her head in her lap and cried out, "Oh my god."

Schmidt crossed his legs and sat there with a very smug looked across his face, "That's what I thought."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hope everyone likes it! Thanks for the amazing response to this story, means a lot that people are enjoying it. x**

* * *

"Jess calm down." Schmidt said as he observed his roommate go through what appeared to be five nervous breakdowns simultaneously.

Jess had been sat in the same spot on the couch rocking back and forth hurriedly mumbling to herself, making little sense. Her mind was apparently at war with itself.

"I can't…I don't…its _Nick…_" she said, her breath caught on the sound of his name. "…it wouldn't…I…we…roomfriends…oh god…turtle…"

Schmidt was growing increasingly bored of Jess's one-woman show, he called to her a few more times but she continued to ramble on ignoring his presence. Enough of this, he thought. Without a word he walked over to the kitchen, poured a glass of water, grabbed a dishcloth and walked back to Jess.

"Pull yourself together woman!" Schmidt yelled tossing the full glass of water in her face.

Jess jumped up instantly, her face and hair soaked in water which quickly seeped down onto her printed pyjama shirt. "Schmidt…what the hell?" she yelled.

"I had to do something to snap you out of your funk. I really wanted to slap you full on Hollywood style so be grateful I'm such a gentleman." He said tossing her the dishcloth.

Jess snatched the towel and glared at him, water dripping down her face. "I don't think you have really grasped the concept of what a gentleman is." She growled attempting to dry herself. "God Schmidt you've got me so wet."

Schmidt grinned, "I've heard that before." He said raising his hand in a hi-five, which Jess did not return. "Oh come on that was gold!"

"Jar." Jess barked at him.

Schmidt rolled his eyes and stuffed a note into the jar; he turned back to Jess as she made to walk to her room. "And where are you going?"

"To change." She said pointing to herself.

"Oh no, I'm not finished with you yet." Schmidt said pointing back to the couch. "Sit."

Jess stomped her foot, "Stop barking commands at me like a dog Schmidt!"

"Well do as you are told and I won't have to!" he said. "Now _please_ take a seat Jessica, we still have much to discuss."

But Jess stood firm where she was, she was getting really angry now. "No Schmidt we really don't! This has nothing to do with you so just keep your big nose out!"

Schmidt gasped a little too over dramatically, "How dare you insult my perfectly proportional nose!" he yelled. "And yes you are right this _should_ have nothing to do with me but somehow, against my will and all my better judgements _I_ have been dragged into yours and Nicholas's ludicrous love affair!"

Jess squirmed at the use of that word again. She opened her mouth to argue but Schmidt was lost in a rambling monologue of his own.

"All I wanted was a hot girl roommate!" Schmidt yelled. "I thought it would be awesome, she'd have lotsa hot girl friends over and Schmidty would be basking in a sea of lovelies! But what do I get I get you!"

"Hey!" Jess protested, her feelings incredibly hurt.

"Pipe down Jess. Yes you are hot and yes you brought me a lovely lady in the form of Cecelia…" he said his mind turning to CeCe. "And of course I will always be grateful to you for my time as the explorer in her Indian jungle…"

"Ewwwwwww Schmidt! Jar, jar, jar!" Jess yelled but Schmidt ignored her.

"I thought having a girl living here would turn this into the Playboy loft, non-stop sex and partying…" he said ignoring another squeamish cry from Jess. "But _you_ have turned this loft into a tampon filled pit of touchy feely emotions! We all care now Jess I hope you're pleased with yourself!"

"Schmidt I…" Jess said not sure how to respond.

"Look sex and hooking up is fine Jess, if you and Nick want to help each other scratch that itch I'm cool with it, just friends doing a solid for the other." Schmidt said. "But it's the feelings Jess…this is where everything turns to crap. Feelings are what turn guys inside out and upside down. Lead them to lose their minds, causing them and poor defenceless bystanders to practically break their necks climbing cast iron gates, breaking into houses and fleeing from the puppies of Cerberus and ruining a perfectly good paid of chinos…"

"Schmidt I have no idea what you are talking about?" Jess asked in total confusion.

"You Jessica, you and Nick and you're ridiculous valet card love notes! Nick was so obsessed with figuring out what you wrote that he attempted an incompetent and ill-planned extraction mission to Russell's house yesterday, dragging along yours truly as an innocent accessory to his insanity!" Schmidt said the anger still evident in his voice. "Jason Bourne Nick is not I can tell you. Giving him a boost through Russell's window nearly dislocated my shoulder!"

"Whaaaaaaaaaaat?" Jess roared as she took in Schmidt's words. "You…he…oh my god…you can't just go around breaking into people's houses!"

"Believe me Jess that was not how I envisioned spending my afternoon yesterday, I was planning on a relaxing afternoon at the spa, facial and a little shiatsu not trying to prevent Nick from having a full mental breakdown over a piece of damn paper."

Jess didn't answer, her mind was racing. She still couldn't believe what Nick had done; it was totally crazy and rash, so impulsive and reckless…so un-Nick. Jess knew it was completely stupid and she should be so angry with him (and Schmidt) but a part of her couldn't help but feel touched by his actions. This feeling however evaporated quickly as a terrifying question entered her mind.

"Wait Schmidt…the cards…" she asked. "Did Nick get them?"

Schmidt nodded, "Yep. Russell gave them to him. I don't know what happened but when I found them it looked like they were having a pretty intense conversation."

Oh god, Jess thought Nick had the cards _and_ he had spoken to Russell. Everything over the past 24 hours suddenly seemed to make sense to Jess now; she understood why Nick had been so weird around her. He had read what she wrote.

"Why wouldn't he tell me he went to Russell's? Why wouldn't he talk to me?" Jess asked, she wasn't sure if she meant to say it in her head but she said it out loud.

"Why does Nick do anything the way he does, he's Nick. He's terrible at dealing with emotions and situations with conflict. He usually either pretends nothing happened or yells and makes it worse. Both of which he has done in the past two days." Schmidt said. "My theory is either you wrote something really bad which pissed him off or something super lovey-dovey which scared him."

Jess didn't say anything she just turned and collapsed down on the sofa with a tired sigh.

Schmidt sat down beside her, "What did you write on the card Jess?"

Jess lent back against the soft leather and threw her arm across her face and didn't answer him.

Schmidt stared at her for a moment, "Fine don't tell me, I'll just guess, I am an excellent guesser." He said clearing his throat. "Did you write that you wanna bone him despite his appearance, personality and lack of any prospects or success in life?" Jess didn't respond. "Or that now you're in your thirties you know your best days are behind you and you might as well go for convenience over quality? Or maybe that you're just using Nick in some poorly-veiled attempt to seduce the true desire of your roommate fantasy…_moi_!" he said leaning in to her.

Jess pushed him away, "God Schmidt stop! Fine, I'll tell you what I wrote."

Schmidt settled back grinning at her, clearly pleased with himself.

Jess took a deep breath, "I wrote that I didn't know how I felt or what would happen with us but that he is my best friend…and I couldn't imagine not having him in my life."

Schmidt's face fell into a confused scowl. "Ok, it's not terrible but it's not great."

Jess glared at him, "It's how I feel ok? I'm so confused I just…" she said, her breath beginning to get all choked up again.

"Ok, ok easy girl or I will have to slap you." Schmidt said, then paused, thinking. "I don't get why that would send Nick so over the edge though. Are you sure you didn't write anything else?

Jess's eyes shot to the floor, "Well I…I may have written a quote."

"A quote?" Schmidt asked in a mocking tone. "Jess it wasn't a high school Lit paper, you don't get extra marks for quoting the text!"

"Ha Ha." She said.

Schmidt laughed, "Ok, so which quote did you use?"

"It's just this one I read by a French poet a while ago, I don't even know why I thought of it…" she mumbled.

"Jess." Schmidt said warningly. "Stop stalling."

"_Rare as is true love, true friendship is rarer."_ She said quoting word for word.

Schmidt rolled his eyes at her, "Oh Jess what were you thinking? This is Nick we're talking about; you can't use fancy meaningful quotes like that with Nick! Nick is a basic unworldly guy…" he paused. "Let's be honest here, a simpleton. You can't go around throwing French poetry quotes at a man like Nick, if you're going to use a quote to express how you feel about Nick use one more attuned to his cultural level! Like from Die Hard or the back of the Lucy Charms box!"

Jess shifted uncomfortably on the couch before saying softly, "I don't know why I wrote it but it just always makes me think of Nick…of us." She said the last word in little more than a whisper, as if she was afraid to speak of her and Nick as one entity.

Schmidt seemed to sense her shift in emotions, "So is that it Jess, you're worried about your friendship?"

Jess nodded. "I don't know. It's just so hard…"

Schmidt scoffed, "My god you and Nick are more alike than I thought. Why do you both insist on making this so difficult?" he snapped. "_I like him, no I don't, yes I do…oh no we kissed…everything's weird…what shall we do? What will happen? Oh no! Oh no! Drama, drama…blah blah blah."_ Schmidt said doing a weird hybrid impersonation of both Nick and Jess. "Just grow the hell up and deal with it already!"

Jess snapped. "Do you think I haven't tried Schmidt? For weeks I have been going out of my mind obsessing over and over about this _thing_ with me and Nick! Ever since he made everything blurry and kissed me I haven't been able to think about anything else!"

"Yes Jess I get it you've been undergoing a terrible internal struggle with all this." Schmidt said sarcastically. "But you haven't actually talked to Nick once about any of it."

Jess scrunched her face up. "I've tried! He won't talk to me! I asked him straight out after the whole fiasco with Russell and the cards. I asked him how he felt and he couldn't tell me! Then he goes and does stuff like this! What am I supposed to do Schmidt; I'm not a freaking Nick Miller mind reader! He's harder to figure out than the damn rubix cube I've had since eighth grade!"

"Have you ever tried to tell him how you feel?" Schmidt asked simply.

"What? I…well…" Jess began. "I don't…he…"

"See Jess, you're all ready to trash Nick for not being able to talk about how he feels. Nick Miller, remember who had his heart toyed with and smashed into a million pieces over and over again for _years _by Caroline. Nick Miller, who then tried to move on and rebuild his life with a series of disastrous relationships who all ended up leaving him. Nick Miller, who was literally born with trust and abandonment issues due to his fly-by-night and untrustworthy father, who must I remind you passed away only a few weeks ago?" Schmidt said in a serious tone, Jess felt increasingly like she was being told off. "You haven't exactly grabbed the bull by the horns and told him how you feel; can you really blame Nick for being scared to do the same?"

Jess fidgeted in her seat, she knew Schmidt was staring at her with a know-it-all look on his face but she would not allow herself to meet his eyes, she couldn't give him the satisfaction. Jess had been cursing Nick's inability to express how he felt since all this madness had started; she understood why of course she did. She knew everything Nick had been through but it didn't make it any easier to deal with now it was her on the infuriating receiving end. But Schmidt was right, it wasn't as if _she_ had fessed up to how she felt; assuming her drug addled attempt at seduction didn't count. She was just as guilty in their merry-go-round of avoidance as Nick. Not that she would admit to Schmidt he was right.

Instead she just snapped back, "You don't get it Schmidt."

"Don't I?" Schmidt said raising an eyebrow at her. "I wanted CeCe for months and I was none too subtle about it." Jess scoffed. "But I never thought in a million years she would want me back and I was ok with that, I could deal with the whole close but no cigar thing. Then suddenly one day I had her, she was in my bed ripping my clothes off, her soft coco skin glistening…"

"Schmidt!" Jess yelped.

"Right sorry. I finally had her and then I made the biggest mistake and messed it all up. I lost her." He said sadly. "And now she's going to marry someone else."

"Schmidt…" Jess said softly this time.

Schmidt shook his head, "Look Jess what I'm trying to say is I know I screwed up, I lost CeCe and I have to live with that regret for the rest of my life. But I would rather live with that than the regret of knowing I never even tried."

Jess sat in complete awe; she had never once heard Schmidt speak so openly about how he felt. He always shrugged off awkward situations nonchalantly or came up with some crazy plan to fix them back to his liking. Maybe he was right; maybe this had become a touchy feely loft.

Jess looked at him, her eyes filled with worry and tiredness, "I'm just…I'm scared Schmidt."

And there it was, the thing she had been trying to fight all this time, the true reason she was holding herself back from truly facing this. And now she had said it the floodgates opened. "I'm scared of what will happen, I'm scared of getting hurt…I'm scared of hurting him, and messing it up for everyone else…I mean if it doesn't work…" she said tears forming in her eyes now. "Everything will be ruined…I don't want to lose him…but I can't stop…I c-can't…" she was full on sobbing now.

Schmidt stared at her with a look of sheer panic on his face. "No, no Jess don't cry." He said patting her lightly on the shoulder.

"I'm s-sorry…but I've just kept it all in for s-so lonnnng…I feel so…" she cried, her breathing completely out of control and hiccups taking over. "I just d-don't know w-what to doooooo…"

Oh dear lord, Schmidt cursed himself internally for being the one for unleashing the tsunami of emotion pouring out of Jess. "Hey Jess its ok…" he stared around the room in panic, what the hell was he supposed to do. He grabbed the remote, "Hey what about I put Dirty Dancing back on?" But Jess only wailed louder. Schmidt dropped the remote instantly, "Ok, no to that."

Jess just sat on the couch and sobbed, her hair still wet from Schmidt's water and her face now stained with her tears. Schmidt didn't know what else to do, it was like having a very large and emotionally unstable baby, maybe he should call CeCe but she would probably just scold him for upsetting Jess in the first place. Winston was still out and he wasn't really the best at comforting a crying woman but Schmidt was running out of options, the crying seemed to be getting louder and more out of control.

"Jess please stop crying." He begged. "I don't know what to do! This is usually Nick's department; he's the one who knows how to fix you…"

He began to say but Jess let out an almighty wail at the mentioned of Nick's name and threw her head into her lap.

Schmidt put his arm around her, "Jess calm down ok? I'm going to help you." He said pulling her back to sit up. Her face was red and blotchy from the tears, the wet straggles of her hair stuck to her skin. "My god you are an ugly crier." Jess let out another sob. "No, no stop I'm sorry! Right we are going to sort this disaster out once and for all."

"H-how?" she stammered through the tears.

"With the most tried and tested of the ancient decision making techniques." Schmidt said, reaching into his pocket to retrieve his iPhone, opening up the Note app. "The pro/con list."

"You can't be serious?" Jess asked the tears and her breathing beginning to slow.

"I use them all the time, they're pretty much how I make every major decision in my life." He replied and by his tone Jess could tell he was serious.

"Ok point one; you're roommates. Con; you're already living together from the get go and things could get _extremely_ awkward and complicated when...I mean _if_ you break up, not just for you but also your other poor suffering roommates." He said tapping away on his phone, Jess just sat in shock as he did so. "Pro; sex wise is super convenient, you can just roll across the hall and get you some whenever, it'll be like a drive through for sex, a 'sex-through' if you will."

Jess groaned at his words but Schmidt continued.

"Number two; you're friends. Con; similar to the roommate thing really, if it goes wrong you'll probably never be able to be around one another again." He said nonchalantly.

Jess looked up at him with terror in her eyes at his words. "Never?"

Schmidt shrugged, "Neither of you exactly handle being around your exes well. Let alone living with them."

Jess knew he was right but didn't say anything.

"Ok pro; you already know pretty much all there is to know about each other and despite this you still like each other. I mean you already know he's a sad, grumpy borderline alcoholic who makes minimum wage and at the age of thirty still has yet to manage basic hygiene skills." Schmidt said noting down Nick's 'qualities'.

"Schmidt!" Jess protested.

Schmidt smiled, "Look at you getting all defensive over your man."

"Shut up." Jess snapped back.

"Fine, despite all of this you are still attracted to him…_sexually _I mean." Schmidt asked.

Jess cringed, "I cannot believe I am talking to you about this."

"Right now I'm all you've got baby." Schmidt said with a smile. "Answer the question."

Jess sighed, "Yes, fine."

"And you actually want to have sex with him? Like actual hairy chest, beer gut and years of self-loathing coming at you…" he asked.

"Schmidt!" She yelled again.

"Come on Jess, just a friend talking to a friend, think of it like girls chat." He said. "I presume you think about him when…self-completing?"

"Jar!" Jess cried before covering her face with her hands to hide her embarrassment.

Schmidt remained unaffected by her response, "I'm sorry Jess but if we're being honest I must say I am truly confounded that of the three varied specimen of men in this loft you want Nick Miller to be the one to tend to your lady garden."

"Oh. My. God. I can't believe this is actually happening." She mumbled into her hands.

"What? I'm just asking Jess, out of curiosity," he said. "You've never called on me or Winston in your head for a little back up to get the job done? I'm only asking, one friend to another."

"Schmidt I am _not_ talking to you about this." Jess said though gritted teeth as she let her hands down and glared at him.

"I'll take that as a yes then." He said with a smile. "It's cool Jess we all do it, it's totally natural but I get it, Nick is your first choice to get your engine running. Quick question is it the chest hair? Do Big Foot and Sasquatch do it for you too?"

"Nick is not a Sasquatch, he's…" Jess didn't quite know what words she needed to best express the way she envisioned Nick Miller, instead she let out a low dark, guttural growl.

Schmidt raised both his eyebrows in surprise at her response. "Jessica Day did you just growl? My my you do want him."

Jess just blushed at his words, keeping her eyes focused elsewhere.

Schmidt emitted a slight sigh of defeat and tossed his iPhone down on the table, "Fine, I give you my blessing. Bang away my friends."

"Jar." Jess said. "What about the list? The pros and cons."

"Screw it." He answered with a shrug. "Look Jess the big problem with you and Nick is not all the what might happen stuff it's that you're both too much in your heads. You overthink everything; sometimes you just gotta for it and figure it out along the way."

"I know Schmidt but you were right, what you said about all the cons, it could ruin everything…" Jess said softly. "I just don't know if it would work with us, and if I lost him I… if he wasn't around I couldn't…"

"God why have people decided today is the day to listen to me!" Schmidt barked. "It's like I've been trying to tell you Jess you are never going to know if you don't even try. Just go and talk to him!"

"But…" she began.

"No Jess not more buts, no more thinking but do something about it!" he said loudly. "Look Nick Miller may be an overweight unkempt near-broke emotionally damaged shell of a man but he is the best guy I know. And if you can't see that Jess then you don't deserve him."

Jess took in his words, her mind stretched back across the time she had known Nick. She thought back to him rushing to her rescue in the restaurant after they had just met and bursting into song to make her smile. Helping her stand up and face Spencer, realising she was a lot stronger than she thought. Giving her the best Christmas present of her life when he got the whole of Candy Cane Lane to turn on their lights just for her. Everything he had done this past year after she had been fired, telling her that he believed in her and giving her the confidence to keep trying. Helping her with her doomed Thanksgiving 'Parent-Trap' plot even when he knew he would end in disaster. She remembered every warm look, every soft comforting touch, every cup of tea he made her, every jar he opened. Nick was always there, looking after her, helping her, protecting her. Jess realised she had never felt so safe and cared for in her entire life.

"Seriously Jess don't wait too long and mess it up." He added sadly, and she knew he was thinking about CeCe. "You don't want to end up like me; in perfect physical shape, good looks, more money than you know what to do with but ultimately alone."

Though Jess was scared it would all go wrong, that she could lose him, she was more terrified by the idea of what else lay ahead, what she could have with Nick if she took that leap forward. But she knew despite her fears she wanted to find out.

Jess jumped up off the couch, suddenly full of energy, "You're right Schmidt! I'm gunna march right down to that bar and say 'Hey Miller! Yeah I'm talking to you turtle face. Sit down, shut up and let's figure this out!'" she said in a strange almost threatening voice.

Schmidt frowned, "I think telling him to shut up kinda puts a big kink in your plan to have a potentially life changing conversation with him, but apart from that you're golden."

Jess scrunched up her face, "Right, maybe I'll work on it on the way over." She said heading to the door.

"Err Jess; can I make one other teeny tiny suggestion?" Nick said standing up.

"What?" she said turning to him.

"Loose the bunny rabbit PJs." He said pointing at her.

Jess looked down and nodded. "Good idea." She said skipping towards her room, she paused at her door turned back to him and asked as casually as she could muster. "Hey Schmidt, you don't happen to know what Nick wrote on his card do you?"

Schmidt rolled his eyes and let out an infuriated groan, "For the one billionth time just go and talk to him!"


	7. Chapter 7

Nick downed his shot of Jack, this was his eighth or ninth, he really didn't know he'd lost count a long time ago. He chased the warmth of the bourbon with his beer, draining half the bottle in one move, eyes slightly blurred and arms waving sluggishly he signalled for Big Bob to bring him another round. If angry Nick the bartender had scared people away then extremely drunk customer Nick had near cleared the place out. After a good solid hour of his increasingly incoherent ramblings and intermittent bursts of sobs most of the patrons had left seeking a less depressing atmosphere. But Nick still had Big Bob, who it turned out was a most excellent listener, not that Nick had given him many opportunities to participate in their conversation.

"And it's not just that she's p-pretty…" Nick slurred, suppressing a burp as he lent across the bar. "…she's fricking beautiful! Beau-ti-ful Bob," he said enunciating every syllable. "She has this hair…and it goes allllllll the way down…" he slurred again pointing to the floor.

Bob returned with his drinks, Nick emptied the rest of his beer bottle and picked up the full one.

"…and it's shiny and pretty and smells like peaches and rainbows…" Nick said sadly swaying on his sheet. "Have you ever smelt her hair Bob?"

Bob just shook his head, looking slightly uncomfortable by the question.

"You should!" Nick said pointing to his head. "My hair doesn't smell of anything…just blueurghhhhh. Unless I use Schmidt's conditioner." He said his face contorted. "And it's not just the hair it's everything, her face…her smile…" Nick said softly clearly getting lost in her face. Then he suddenly reached out and grabbed Bob. "And her eyes! Her a-amazing sparkly eyessss…they're on her face and everything…all blue like the bluest…" he said scrunching up his face as he concentrated. "What's the bluest of the blue things Bob?"

Bob was drying some glasses gave a little shrug, "The ocean?"

"Yes!" Nick yelled tipping his bottle to Bob in thanks. "Exactly just like the ocean, all blue and beautiful and blue." Then Nick's eyes widened in amazement. "She's like a beautiful mermaid just swimming in the ocean of her eyes…wait…" He said not sure if that made sense. He shrugged, "But no weird scaly tail just hot legs…two of 'em…she's so perfect…" he said letting out a small sob as he downed his next shot.

"Maybe you should call it a night man." Bob suggested.

"No! C'mon man we're bonding…guys talking about stuff…" Nick slurred. "Just one more."

Bob gave him sad look, "I really think you should head home Nick. Maybe just talk to Jess, you guys obviously have things you need to work out."

Nick frowned, "What makes you say that? Everything's fine." He replied swaying on his stool as he did so.

"Maybe because you have spent the last hour talking and crying about her, valet cards and jars." Bob said as he began to re-stack the clean glasses onto the bottom shelf of the bar. "I don't think getting more trashed is going to help."

"This is what I do Bob." He said throwing his arms in the air. "This is the Nick Miller way." He yelled raising his beer to toast himself.

Bob sighed.

"I dunno man I've tried…but it just goes…" he said blowing a massive raspberry and spitting all over Bob who just wiped his arm with towel. "I'm no good Bob, I'm a mess…she's so…shiny and happy and good and I…I'm broken."

"Come on dude you're not broken." Bob said reassuringly. "You're a good guy."

Nick shook his head violently. "Nope I'm bad…bad bad bad…I'm a _ruiner…" _he said the final word darkly. "I ruin things…"

"Jess is like a freaking Disney Princess and I'm the bitter old dude from Up!" he snapped taking a large swig of his beer. "Maybe I should just tie myself to some balloons and f-float away…" he said choking back tears into his drink.

"Good movie." Bob said.

"Great movie." Nick replied. "Jess made me watch it…I didn't want to…because I have no soul…" Nick stammered before breaking into a full of sob, thrusting is head into his arms down on the bar.

"Come on man." Bob said softly pulling Nick back up. The few remaining customers in the bar stared uncomfortably at the man who seemed to be having an emotional breakdown.

"S-sorry…" Nick sniffed. "It's just so harrrrd…she's so…" Nick said struggling to find words to express the way he viewed Jessica Day. Nick shrugged. "…special. I've never met anyone like her…I mean look at this…" he slurred drunkenly scrambling for his wallet from his back pocket. Closing one eye in concentration he carefully retrieved Jess's valet card. "Look." He murmured shoving the card in Bob's face.

"Rare as is true love, true friendship is rarer." Bob muttered under his breath as he read Jess quoted, he read her words about Nick but in his head. He looked up and gave Nick a reassuring smile. "That's beautiful. You obviously mean a lot to her."

Nick face fell into a frown once more, "Yeah but I mean look at it…who writes something like that?"

Bob shrugged, "Jean de La Fontaine was pretty much the most read French poet of the Seventeenth Century. I like his stuff."

Nick stared at Bob in utter amazement, "You know this guy…this Jean-Paul Fountain?"

"Jean de La Fontaine." Bob corrected him.

"Whatever." Nick said, suppressing another belch. "So you see I'm her friend…her drunk stupid…" he hiccupped. "…friend."

Bob surveyed the card again, "I don't think it's just that Nick. She calls you her best friend and that clearly you are the most important person in her life. But the quote, the quote subtly conveys her feelings, her hopes of maybe more than just friendship with you."

Nick sat open mouthed looking at Bob. "Huh?"

"She scared to lose you Nick." Bob said simply.

"Why wouldn't she just s-say that?" Nick asked confused.

"Jess is clearly a fragile and sensitive girl." Bob said thoughtfully. "I imagined she has been hurt badly in the past. She's scared to let herself be truly vulnerable, to open herself up to all that hurt again and the idea that she could potentially lose her best friend must be terrifying."

Nick sighed sadly, "Maybe that's all this is with us...just kinda messed up friendship."

Bob nodded, "Maybe but as Oscar Wilde said;_ between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love but no friendship."_

Nick gaped at the burly man behind the bar and felt a lump forming in his throat. "There really is just a whole other side to you man. You have beautiful soul."

Bob smiled and handed Nick back the card. Nick stared down at Jess's words as if now seeing them for the first time and finally understanding them. He couldn't help the small grin that appeared as he read her own words; _I can't imagine my life without Nick. _

"God…even her handwriting is perfect, it's like calig…caligigrophy…caliog…calligraphy…" he said struggling with his words. "It's like fancy old timey writing. Look at mine…it's like a caveman scrawl…" he said reaching out grabbing a pen from Bob's shirt pocket and drunkenly scrawling on a napkin with such force Bob thought he might carve into the wood of the bar.

Bob picked up the napkin and read Nick's scrawl, it was a struggle to make out the words. "Nick Miller…pro…fessional dumbass." He looked up at Nick, "Professional only has one f in it…and no y."

"See I'm stupid…stupid stupid stupid!" he said banging his head repeatedly against the hard wooden bar.

"Nick seriously I think you need to go home. Let me call Jess." Bob said turning to grab the phone from the wall.

"Noooooo!" Nick yelled out reaching for Bob's arm pulling him back. "I don't want her to see me like this…all messed up and dark…" Nick sad sadly. "She's so bright and warm…like sunshine…"

Bob looked at Nick with a sympathetic smile, "Maybe that's what you need. _A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and a man cannot live without love._ Max Muller, he was a German writer." Bob said simply.

Nick looked at him in pure wonderment, "You blow my mind Bob...that was freaking beautiful. You're like a big cuddly Yoda-bear." Nick wept reaching across the bar to pull Bob into a bear-hug like embrace. "I love you man."

"What in the hell is _he_ still doing here?" Shane yelled as she appeared next to Bob behind the bar, a huge pile of folders clutched in her arms.

"Shane!" Nick yelled pulling back from Bob and waving his arms wildly.

Shane turned to Bob with a questioning and disapproving scowl but he merely shrugged and busied himself with re-stacking the clean glasses once more.

"Shane, hey Shane!" Nick yelled as if she were across the street as opposed to two feet away from him. "Shane! Have a drink with me!"

"I think you've had enough for the both of us Nick." She said slamming her folders down and surveying the near empty bar. "And I see you winning charm has worked its usual magic."

"Come on! It's your last night, we should celebrate!" Nick yelled.

Shane relented, "Fine. One drink."

Nick strummed his hands on the bar excitedly, "Line 'em up Bob…one for you too my good man!" he said as Bob appeared to only be pouring two shots of Jack Daniels. Bob poured a third and handed them out.

Nick swept his into his hands, spilling some down his flannel shirt; luckily it was a dark one. Clumsily he staggered to his feet and raised his shot clutching arm high in the air, "I would like to make a toast."

"Oh sweet Jesus." Shane said rolling her eyes.

"To Shane, our wonderful if ever so slightly sadistic boss…" he began, swaying on the spot as he spoke. "...whilst your time here may have been short…" he said pausing, seemingly having lost his train of thought. "…wait, what was I…oh yes, whilst you may be short you are indeed a woman! And on behalf of me and the handsome man right there, who has truly touched me tonight…" Nick slurred pointing to Bob. Shane shot Bob a surprised look and he immediately shook his head in embarrassment. "…we say best luck and goodbye you go. May you find success and h-happiness and…love…" he said, choking on the last word before straitening himself up. "As in the great words of The Beatles; All You Need Is Love…" he said letting out a light sob.

Shane and Bob exchanged concerned looks, praying this was the end of the worst toast in the history of time. Shane went to raise the shot glass to her lips when Nick suddenly burst into song.

"_There's n-nothing you can do that can't be done. Nothing you can s-sing that can't be suuuung. Nothing you can say but you can learn to play the game, its eaaaaaaaaassssssy!" _Nick wailed, his eyes shut, completely out of tune and way too loudly.

Shane lent in towards Bob, "Oh my god is he going to do the whole song?"

Bob shrugged.

"_There's nothing you can…something something made, nothing you can save or something, its eaaaaaaaaassssssy! All you need is love! Ba-da-da-naaaaaa." _he sang attempting a terrible trumpet impersonation. "_All you need is love…love…love is all you need…"_ his words were beginning to falter now, his face scrunched up into a pitiful expression as he crumbled onto the bar in a fit of sobs.

"Ok that's enough." Shane said slamming her untouched shot glass on the bar. She stepped around to the customer side and pushed Nick back up. "Come on." She said dragging him to his feet, Nick continued to drunkenly mumble the words to the song.

"Shall I call a cab or one of his roommates?" Bob asked concerned.

Shane shook her head and Nick let out a loud roar of disapproval at this suggestion.

"No, I'll take him to the office and give him a cup of coffee…" she said as Nick tried to slump to the floor, Shane pulled him back up. "…or five."

* * *

Jess surveyed herself in the smudged mirrored wall of the bar entrance and silently thanked Schmidt for suggesting her change of attire. When she had returned to her room to change from the bunny pyjamas and saw her reflection she had finally seen the full extent of Schmidt's water assault; her hair had frizzed out and her face was red and blotchy from her tears. As a result she had taken a little extra time in getting ready, making herself look as presentable as she could at this late hour. She had tamed her hair best she good, drying and straightening her fringe whilst pining the rest of her wild curls up into a bun on the top of her head, with a few loose strays framing her face. She had tried on numerous different outfits trying to find one that looked good but not as though she was trying too hard, eventually she had given up and just settled on a plain emerald green sweater with her favourite black and white polka dot skirt.

Jess gave herself one final review before she reached out for the door handle; she felt her heart pound in anticipation in her chest at the thought of what awaited her on the other side of the door. She was finally going to do it, she was finally going to tell Nick how she felt and she wasn't going to let him get away without doing the same. Jess paused for a moment; her hand gripped tightly on the door handle, but what if didn't go the way she hoped? What if Nick told her he didn't feel the same? What if Jess had merely been projecting her own feelings of fear and anxiety onto him and the truth was that he didn't really want this; he didn't want more with her. Jess felt the panic creep up her back, all feelings of doubt and worry returning to her body. Then suddenly Schmidt's annoyed voice sounded off in her mind, '_You're both too much in your heads. You overthink everything; sometimes you gotta go for it and figure it out along the way.' _

Jess felt her breath calm and the feelings of dread and panic subside as she remembered Schmidt's words. She knew he was right, it was now or never Jess told herself, regardless to the outcome she had to know. Jess took a calming breath and pushed the door opened, bracing herself for the hustle and bustle of the bar. Jess stopped immediately in her tracks as she entered, standing at the top of the stairs surveying the near-deserted bar room. She had to do a double take just to check she was in the right place. She had never seen the bar so quiet, sure it wasn't exactly the hottest party spot in town but it was usually busy enough. However tonight it seemed more like a library than a bar, there were about five customers scattered throughout the place, all keeping to themselves. It seemed like a scene from an old movie, all down on their luck characters finding solace in the dark corner of a shabby bar, drowning their sorrows. Jess scanned the room but saw no sign of Nick, her face scrunched up in confusion, he should be here, he was working the late shift. Jess skipped down the steps, her eyes searching for Nick as she approached the bar but still she could find no sign of him. Jess breathed a sigh of relief as Big Bob appeared in front of her.

"Hey Jess." He said.

"Hi Bob." She said with a warm smile. "Err is Nick around? I thought he was on the late shift."

Jess noted Bob's friendly expression fall into a slightly awkward smile. "He was but he err…he wasn't having the best night, so Shane told him to head home."

Jess nodded trying to scowl as Bob said Shane's name.

"But he stayed for a few drinks and…" Bob wasn't sure how best to explain Nick's meltdown from before, especially to Jess. "Well he got kinda trashed and…weird."

Jess understood immediately. Nick had turned to his usual problem solving ally; alcohol. "Is he still here?"

Bob nodded, "I think so, he was pretty out of it so I think he crashed in the Manager's Office." Bob said nodded to the door on the other side of the bar.

Jess looked at the door and sighed, well she guessed they wouldn't be having their 'big talk' tonight. If she had learnt anything living with Nick over the past two years it was that Sober Nick never remembered anything Drunk Nick did or said the next day, or at least pretended not to. Jess would drag his sorry ass home, put him to bed and make sure there was a big old pot of strong coffee waiting for him in the morning. God she was going to have a restless night sleep, with all this churning around in her head.

Jess gave Bob a small smile, "Ok Bob thanks. I guess I should take boozy home." She said turning towards the office.

"Hey Jess." Bob called after her. "Can I just say something?"

Jess turned back, tilting her head with a questioning look. "Sure Bob."

"I know I don't really know Nick that well and I don't presume to know what's going on with you guys." He said giving her a reassuring smile. Jess felt herself grow immediately uncomfortable, what had Nick told Bob about her, about them? "But Nick's a good guy…and he really cares about you. I can tell, you're very special to him."

Jess felt a small grin creep on to her face at Bob's words. Clearly Nick _had_ spoken to Bob about them and the warm smile on Bob's face along with his kind words gave Jess a sense of hope. "Thanks Bob."

Bob gave her a nod of goodbye and busied himself with clearing away empty bottles and glasses. Jess trotted across the practically empty bar and reached the Manager's Office door, pushing forward without knocking ready to do her usual Drunk Nick wake up call, which usually involved vigorous shaking and yelling. As Jess pushed the heavy door forward and took in the scene inside she felt as if all the wind had been knocked out of her. Nick was not passed out on the couch or slumped mumbling incoherently to himself in a chair. Jess stared in horror at a mess of tangled arms and lips as Shane pressed her body against Nick's languidly slumped against the edge of the desk, her hands hurriedly fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. Jess felt the muscles of her stomach contract so tightly in pain she thought she might be sick at the horrific sight before her.

"Oh my god." she said in no more than a heartbroken whisper as she felt tears begin to burn in her eyes and shook her head angrily, she would not let them see her cry. Without another word or look Jess turned and darted from the dark office.

Nick turned his head to the doorway, seeing a mess of dark curls turn away. Fear, shame and anger at himself flooded through Nick as he called out after her. "Jess…"

But she was gone.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hey guys so I know the story has taken a slightly angsty turn in the past few chapters BUT promise I will be bringing a little but of humor back in the next few chapters. As for now its all Jess/Nick angst and feels cause well...you know it's so very them and their issues lol**

**I'm still bowled over by the amazing response this story has been getting, seriously Nick&Jess shippers are the best 3**

* * *

Schmidt sat in his kimono leaning back against the soft leather of the couch, feeling his mind and body relax for what felt like the first time in weeks. The apartment had been an unbearable pressure cooker of sexual tension and screaming arguments and near physical violence for so long it felt like a lifetime since he had enjoyed some special 'Schmidt Time'. Well hopefully he had solved the problem now in his excellent role as Jewish Cupid, sending Jess off to finally bring some sense of closure to this whole situation.

Schmidt doubted despite his valiant efforts that they would sit and have a mature honest conversation about their feelings, the reality was more likely that they were going at it in the bar bathroom right now whilst simultaneously having an argument. But it would be progress none the less. He was such a good friend he thought to himself, helping his two roommates bone one another. He really was proud of himself and so had decided to reward himself with a victory martini.

"This is totally Bond." Schmidt said aloud to himself as he raised the glass to his lips, basking in his glory as the puppet master of the loft.

Schmidt was about to take his first triumphant sip when the loft door burst open, practically flying off its hinges as Jess appeared in the doorway like a villain from a bad superhero movie. Without a word or look to Schmidt Jess slammed the door shut with a violent strength that always serve to surprise and terrify him. Schmidt eyed her nervously as she stomped across the living room towards the TV. Her face was red and blotchy and from Schmidt had witnessed earlier tonight she appeared to have had another ugly crying outburst, perhaps things with Nick hadn't gone as well as Schmidt planned. God damn these two, he thought to himself, must I supervise their every move? This is becoming exhausting!

Schmidt set his untouched drink on the coffee table, "Jess what…"

Jess rounded on him and Schmidt looked into her eyes for the first time since her explosive entrance. He had expected to see sadness or hurt or disappointment but was surprised to be met by a dark intense fury in her usually bright blue eyes.

"You!" She snarled, her voice cold and brutal, pointing her finger at Schmidt accusingly. "You and your stupid words and lists and…ARGHHHHH!" she yelled shaking her head vigorously looking up to the ceiling.

Schmidt shuffled nervously, adjusting his kimono to cover his assets in case Jess decided to get violent and throw something at him. "What happened?"

Jess let out a cruel laugh, tossing her head back, her hands twisting in knots at her side. "I'll tell you what's happened Schmidt, tonight I had an epiphany!" she practically screamed. "A moment of pure and total clarity and now I finally see…_Nick Miller…_" she said through clenched teeth as though it was painful to utter his name. "For what he really is!"

"And what is that?" Schmidt he asked not sure if he wanted to know the answer.

Jess's wild rage filled eyes seemed to grow even darker, "A stupid miserable selfish emotionally crippled lush!"

Schmidt cleared his throat, "Yes Jess but you already knew that…"

Jess cut him off, "Forget everything I said earlier Schmidt! I was wrong; I couldn't possibly fall for…" She growled unable to bring herself to say his name again. "…_him._ I hate him! I hate him and his stupid turtle face! Do you hear me Schmidt? I _hate_ him!"

Schmidt held his hands up in surrender as she roared in his face. "I hear ya Jess. Nick Miller; hate him. Got it."

"Good." She snarled turning back to the TV, her hands thumped and punched at buttons until she practically ripped the disc from the DVD player. She swivelled back to face Schmidt. "Now I'm going to my room and I'm going to watch Dirty Dancing and I don't want to hear a word from you Schmidt. Not a single syllable. Understand?"

"Yes." He said quietly.

"Yes is a word Schmidt! I said no words!" she yelled waving her arms frantically in anger. "Keep your mouth shut!"

Schmidt nodded in silence terrified of the small woman standing before him. Jess gave him one final glare before storming off into her bedroom; clutching the disc so tight in her hand Schmidt was surprised she hadn't drawn blood. After a moment, feeling that Jess was safe hearing distance away and most likely already sobbing her eyes out over Swayze Schmidt breathed a heavy sigh.

"So close." He said shaking his head in disbelief.

* * *

A little over forty minutes later Schmidt was in the kitchen preparing his third martini, the drink was no longer a reward but now a balm for his nerves. Jess's outburst had left him unsettled as he anxiously awaited Nick's return to the loft. He had expected Nick to also come bursting through the door any minute after Jess, yelling and shouting at her about whatever disaster had occurred between them this time but he didn't come. And the longer Schmidt waited the more anxious he felt and as he listened to 'The Time of My Life' blare through Jess's walls Schmidt gave in to the martini to settle his nerves. He couldn't believe he had been driven to drink by a relationship where he was sleeping with neither party! He scorned the pair of them and their teen-angst affair as he took a long soothing sip of his drink.

"Ah that's the stuff." He said making his way back to the living room.

As he did so the loft door creaked open slowly, Nick entered in silent trepidation. He searched the apartment clearly looking for the roommate who had not so long ago made a less subtle entrance when his eyes met Schmidt's.

"And where the hell have you been?" Schmidt barked.

"Don't start Schmidt; I can't deal with you right now." Nick snapped back.

"Well quite frankly I don't give a rat's ass about what you can and can't deal with!" Schmidt yelled setting his drink down. "After all the insanity and hormone riddled drama of the past few days all I wanted was to chill in my mono and have a little Schmidty one-on-one time but no I get your girlfriend barging in here yelling and screaming! Ruining my perfect Bond moment I might add."

"She's not my girlfriend." Nick protested again.

Schmidt rolled his eyes, "Semantics Nicholas. Although from what I have witnessed over the past 48 hours the more I think you two are perfect for each other. Jess might just be as nuts as you." He said as Dirty Dancing continued to vibrate through the walls. "Maybe she is the unbalanced ying to your already damaged yang! You two are really something you know that?"

"What the hell are you talking about Schmidt?" Nick asked exasperated, ignoring Schmidt's mirrored comment of Russell's words from the other night. He didn't need to be wasting his time with Schmidt riddles right now; he needed to talk to Jess.

But Schmidt ignored his question and instead he just posed his own. "What the hell did you do? Jess was all hyped up and ready for you man, I sent her down there to…"

Nick's eyes widened in horror, "Wait what? _You _told Jess to come to the bar? Oh my god Schmidt what did you say?"

"Just some things that needed to be said." He replied unapologetically. "It didn't seem as though you were having much luck locating your man melons so Schmidt stepped it to help my boy out!"

Nick hung his head, "I didn't want your help Schmidt! I specifically told you to stay the hell out of it! Me and my man melons were doing perfectly fine."

Schmidt scoffed, "If that's true why were you shut up in your room last night watching the horrific crime against cinema Jess is currently torturing us and the rest of the building with!"

Nick didn't answer him just continued to glare at Schmidt.

"Whether you choose to admit it or not your needed my help Nicholas and as always Schmidty came through! I practically handed Jess to you on a silver platter with a guaranteed somethin' somethin' on the side!"

Nick resisted every urge in his body to yell jar at Schmidt right now.

"So Nick I'm asking you how did you manage to screw it up this time?"

Nick dropped his eyes to the floor, "I err…well she…"

Schmidt edged closer to Nick and took his face in both his hands, staring at him in horror.

"Schmidt what the hell!" Nick growled struggling against his friends arms, pushing his hands against his face. "Get off me!"

"Nicholas Miller is that lipstick on your collar?" Schmidt asked in utter shock.

Nick felt his face burn red in shame, he refused to let his eyes meet Schmidt's he just let out a small nod of confession.

Schmidt lent against the back of the couch in disbelief, "Who?"

"Shane." Nick replied simply.

"And Jess saw?" Schmidt asked.

Nick nodded again, not wanting to let his mind return to that horrible moment.

"Well I gotta say even I didn't see _that_ one coming. Maybe you do have game." Schmidt said thoughtfully, crossing his legs.

"Schmidt!" Nick snapped then scrunched his face up. "And can you not sit like that in that damn thing, I can see…everything."

"Don't be jealous Nick." Schmidt said uncrossing his legs and adjusting himself proudly. "But I mean it Nick right now I'm torn between wanting to give you the highest of fives for getting it on with your hot boss _again _or punching you in the nuts, you know out of respect for Jessica. You have put me in quite a tough spot Nick."

"_You're_ in a tough spot?" Nick asked incredulously.

"Right, right." Schmidt said. "Well you have to fix this."

"Ya think? God Schmidt I'm so glad I've got you to help me!" Nick said sarcastically.

"Don't take that tone with me mister." Schmidt barked back. "Now I don't care what you have to do Nick, I don't care if she makes you beg or cry or what kind of weird geeky sex acts you have to do," Nick winced at his words. "You go in there and you fix this! Because I am seriously running out of ways to save your ass!"

Nick looked at Schmidt his eyes filled with fury, "Good Schmidt I never wanted your ridiculous help in the first place! All you've done is make things a million times worse!"

Schmidt gasped and looked at Nick, "You ungrateful…" he growled then stopping himself. "Fine Nicholas I'm through with you and Jess and this whole mess! Schmidt out!"

"Thank god for that." Nick muttered turning away from him.

"I mean it Nick, that's it; I'm washing my hands of you." Schmidt said gesturing to Nick with his hands. "I'm done, finished, _finito_!"

"Good." Nick replied as he made his way towards Jess's bedroom door.

"No matter how much you screw it up." Schmidt called after him. "And believe me Nick _you_ will, I won't be there to help."

Nick stopped as he reached Jess door, it was practically vibrating from the volume of the movie.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence Schmidt." He said darkly before opening Jess door. He didn't bother to knock; she wouldn't hear him over the noise anyway.

Schmidt watched as Nick disappeared into Jess's room. Letting out a frustrated grunt he hurriedly scrambled in his kimono pocket for his phone. He punched the third speed dial number and waited.

"Winston! It's me, listen…" he began rolling his eyes as Winston scolded him on the other end of the line. "Shut up Winston I don't care about your night of interracial lovemaking with Daisy we have a serious loft situation to address!" he paused for dramatic effect.

"It's Code Red Winston." Schmidt paused again, letting the weight of his bombshell sink in but then let out an annoyed sigh at his roommates confused response.

"No Code Red is not the unsanctioned use of the good laundry detergent you imbecile, that's Code Magenta! Magenta is dark pink! God Winston it's almost as if you didn't read the electronic Loft Code chart I emailed to everybody after the last loft meeting!" He yelled storming off to his own bedroom, grabbing his much needed martini on the way.

* * *

Nick entered the bedroom silently; the DVD of Dirty Dancing was playing so loud he felt like he was walking into a live Patrick Swayze concert. The movie was blaring from the old TV sitting on Jess desk but Jess wasn't sitting on her bed watching it, instead Nick spotted her sitting on the floor inside her closet, just listening. She was surrounded by a mess of clothes on the floor and he noticed she had changed into her bunny rabbit pyjamas; her hair was still tied off her face in a loose bun. She still looked so beautiful.

Nick walked over and shut the TV off and the room was plunged into an almost painful silence, except for the heavy and irregular breaths of the tiny girl sat on the floor, knees clutched to her chest. Nick hovered between the desk and the closet door for a moment but decided against going inside, as much as he wanted to go to her, he wasn't sure that him and Jess in such a confined space was the best idea right now. Instead he sat himself on the edge of her patterned bed.

Jess still hadn't spoken a word or even looked up at him since he walked in and Nick couldn't bear it. He wished she would yell or scream, jump up and hit him, or even throw something at him, anything would be better than the coldness between them. Nick looked down at his hands, twisting his fingers in his lap, he always fidgeted with his hands when he was in trouble, he had done it ever since he was a little kid, his mom always said it was his tell, that and his sweaty back of course.

Nick kept his eyes focused on his hands, desperately searching inside him to find the courage to speak. Finally after what felt like an eternity he spoke;

"Jess…" he said quietly.

"Did you sleep with her?" Jess asked looking up but she still wasn't looking at him, she looked passed him.

Nick felt his stomach lurch at her question. "What? No, no." He insisted. He knew what she was asking, where had he been? Why hadn't he come to her sooner? The truth was he was terrified.

"I…I went for a walk, to clear my head." And sober up, he added in his head.

But Jess cut him off again, "Ok then." she said, her words flat, void of any feeling.

"Ok? That's it Jess?" Nick asked desperate for her to look at him.

Jess gave a small shrug and traced the rabbit shapes on the knees of her pyjamas, "There's nothing else to say. You can leave now."

Nick shut his eyes in despair; he needed to explain he couldn't let this be the end. "I'm not leaving Jess and I think we both know there is a hell of a lot more to say."

Jess gave a harsh laugh and finally looked at Nick, her eyes locked with his. Nick searched desperately for some sign of her forgiving and understanding heart, of his Jess but all he saw was emptiness.

"Such as Miller?" she snarled at him.

Nick felt an icy shudder run through him at the way his name fell from her lips. Whenever Jess used his last name it was usually in the screaming heat of an argument or the low husky tones of their flirtations but there was no warmth or passionate tone now. It was now he as he looked at her face he could see how red and raw her eyes were from her tears. Nick felt guilt, remorse and self-loathing flood through him knowing he had been the cause.

Nick swallowed and took a deep breath; he knew he deserved all her anger and much more. But he had to push through, make her see past her hurt and anger and listen to him.

"Such as what the hell is going on here Jess, with you and me?" He said quietly.

Another cruel snicker escaped her lips, "There is no you and me Nick…I think the events of tonight have made that clearer than ever."

Nick felt the venom in her words and it took all his willpower not to bite back at her as was his natural reaction whenever she made a snarky comment like that. He needed to keep angry Nick out of his head and make sure he didn't say anything to make things worse.

"Jess what happened earlier, what you saw…" Nick said quietly trying to find the words. He felt his heart ache in his chest as Jess shut her eyes tight and shook her head violently, as if she were remembering some horrible dream.

"Nick I don't…" she stammered.

"No Jess listen, please." He begged. "It wasn't what you think." Nick paused; did he really just say that? The oldest and lamest excuse in the book. What was his next move; it's not you it's me? Come on Miller!

Jess eyes snapped open once more, glaring at him. "Nick I'm not an idiot, I saw you and…" she stopped herself, she couldn't bring herself to say Shane's name. "…_her_."

Nick shook his head angrily; he was making a mess of this. "No please listen, what I'm trying to say is Shane kissed me Jess. I didn't kiss her, I had no idea what was going on!" he said honestly.

"You looked pretty ok with it from where I saw standing." She scoffed.

Nick sighed. "I was wasted Jess," another poor overused excuse but it didn't make it any less true. "And she just kinda came at me…"

"Oh poor Nick Miller, life must be so hard, to be so irresistible beautiful model-like women just throw themselves at you!" Jess barked.

Nick forced himself not to bite back at her words. "It's the truth Jess. The second it happened I pushed her away, that was when you came in. You have to believe me, I didn't kiss her back…I don't want that." He said pleadingly. "I don't want her."

Jess felt the sincerity on his voice, begging with her to believe he was telling the truth. Against the pain she knew it would cause her Jess forced her mind to recall the excruciating memory of what she had walked in on earlier that night. She flinched as she remembered Shane's wild and hungry lips attacking Nick's, her hands rubbing up his chest, tugging roughly at his shirt buttons. Jess tried her best to remember what Nick's hands were doing, were they wrapping around Shane's body pulling her to him or trying to push her back?

Jess knew what she wanted to believe was true, what in her heart she needed to be true but through the tears and the haze of her memory she just couldn't be sure. Jess felt the burning in her eyes once more as the image of them together taunted her, against all her instincts she allowed her eyes to meet Nicks, she saw guilt, remorse, pain and fear, pure and utter fear that he could lose her. Jess felt her cold and injured heart begin to thaw in the presence of the terrified man before her. How, despite everything, did he still manage to have such power over her?

Jess dragged herself to her feet; she refused to let him win her over so easily, with soft words and sorrowful eyes. Even if she believed him she was still furious with him.

"Fine Nick whatever, forget your slutty ass boss!" she yelled from the doorway of her closet. "What about everything else? What about how you have been acting like a total jerk these past few days, after our '_date_'?"

Nick tried not to be annoyed at Jess's use of air quotes when talking about their recent failed date. He was struggling to keep angry Nick under control.

Jess continued to yell, "What about your fun new hobby of cat-burglaring my ex-boyfriends? Were you ever going to tell me about that huh?"

Nick didn't answer her he wasn't sure he was even able to speak right now his jaw was clenched so tight.

Jess glared at him expectantly, demanding an explanation but she knew Nick and she knew it would not be easy. Jess crossed her arms and gave him her best angry teacher stare which despite her general easy going reputation still served to put fear into her students, children and adults alike. "Schmidt told me everything."

"It wasn't Schmidt's place to tell you." Nick near snarled at her. His hands were balled into tight fists in his lap; he was going to kill Schmidt. But first he needed to know what Jess meant by _everything._

"Well you sure as hell weren't talking Nick! Unless random acts of violence against jars and making out with bar skanks is some kind of method of communication I don't understand!" she yelled. "What the hell were you thinking Nick, breaking into Russell's house? Just to get those stupid cards! Why couldn't you just ask me?"

Nick's face scrunched up in discomfiture at the memory of his recent disastrous adventure. "I don't know Jess I wasn't thinking ok…I just couldn't…I don't know what _this…"_ he said pointing between them. "…is. I guess I thought if I got the cards, if I knew what you wrote…" his voice fell quiet. "…then maybe all of it would make sense."

"And?" Jess said tightening the grip of her folded arms across her chest.

Nick returned immediately to his fidgeting state where he sat. He didn't want to admit the mind bending affect her words had had on him, the truth was Nick Miller was more confused than ever before.

"I don't know." He said lowly.

"Well I'm glad all of this was worth it!" Jess snapped.

Nick closed his eyes tightly at the anger in her voice, he had come here to try and fix the messed and broken 'thing' between them but no matter what he thought in his head or what he felt in his heart his mouth just couldn't seem to get it out right. Jess's intense and furious mood wasn't helping either, the more frustrated she seemed to get with Nick's inability to express himself only served to rile the voice of angry Nick in his head, a voice which was getting increasingly louder.

"Look Jess what the hell do you want me to say? I came in here to apologise…" he said doing his best to keep his voice calm and even but Nick could feel his patience beginning to slowly ebb away.

Jess snorted and gave Nick a scathing look, "That's funny Miller cause I don't think I've actually heard the words 'I'm sorry' leave your mouth since you barged in here!"

Nick scowled at her darkly; she had dropped her tensely crossed arms and now rested one arm on her hip, looking down at him looking pleased with herself. She was right, he hadn't actually apologised out loud. She really was a little know it all sometimes, angry Nick chipped in.

Nick cleared his throat, "Jess I'm sorry about tonight ok? I'm sorry that I upset you, I'm sorry for everything but…" The part of Nick that was trying to stay calm and fix this instantly regretted that last word but angry Nick grinned smugly in his head.

Jess raised an eyebrow at him questioningly, "But what Nick?"

Nick sighed, angry Nick gave a small shrug, you've already put the gun to your head may as well pull the trigger now he thought. "Technically I didn't do anything wrong."

"Seriously?" Jessed yelled in sheer disbelief.

Relatively composed Nick scolded himself for his foolishness, why did he have to be such a smartass all the time? "I said technically Jess…what I meant…"

Jess laughed darkly, "My god maybe you should have stuck with the lawyer thing Miller. With thinking like that nothing could ever possibly be _your_ fault." She said coldly.

Nick glowered at her, his barely there patience all but gone now as angry Nick roared to life in his head and all the words he knew he shouldn't say just came roaring out.

"What do you want from me Jessica? I'm sorry Shane kissed me and I'm sorry that you saw but I didn't do anything wrong! You're not my girlfriend Jess…" he yelled loudly pretending to ignore as Jess eyes actually flinched at his words. "As you said we had one disaster of a date where _you…_" he said pointing at her roughly, full on angry Nick yelling at her now. "…Decided to stop this. You decided on those god damn middle school dance rules Jess! You!"

Jess stared opened mouthed at Nick as his face turned dark and red in anger as he continued to yell at her.

"So don't stand there and bat your big sad eyes at me Jess like I'm the bad guy here. I put myself out there Jess and you shut me down." He said bleakly.

"You put yourself out there?" she asked incredulously. "You can't be serious Nick. You put on a suit and took me to some fancy restaurant out of the blue and just expected me to roll with it!" She yelled back noting the hurt expression on his face.

She didn't mean it, the truth was she knew how much effort he had put in to their 'date' and by god did she like him in a suit but right now she was just too damn mad at him. "I had no idea it was even meant to be a date! And when I straight out asked you, you just blew me off with your usual Nick Miller B-S! Do you know how much that night messed with my head Nick?"

Nick didn't answer he just continued to play nervously with his hands, angry Nick didn't seem so eager to go head to head with Jess anymore.

"Do you know how much I _wanted_ it to be a real date?" she said the anger fading from her words as she felt the frustration and disappointment she had carried these past few days creep into her mind. "God Nick if I had known before, if you had just asked me…"

Nick cringed as he remembered his horrific failure at even asking Jess on a date properly, he should have known the night was doomed from the moment he uttered the words 'Dirty J' and 'Toilet Sister', no romance can follow that. Not looking at her Nick mumbled something Jess couldn't quite hear about wanting to ask her differently and a towel.

"Nick putting yourself out there is actually asking someone on a real date, its telling them how you _feel_, telling them what you want. And I don't mean sex." Jess said with a frustrated sigh. "Cause Nick if that's all this is; us, then we may as well just throw down on the bed right now and get it over with."

Nick felt his eyes go instinctively wide at her words, was she serious? Nick considered her proposal, was she right? Was all this angst and longing just the result of pent up sexual tension. Would such a simple of a roll in the sheets to end this gut wrenching war between them?

Nick allowed his eyes to look upon the woman standing before him, despite her juvenile cartoon print attire and tired appearance she was still easily the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Nick had never wanted anyone so badly in his entire life, it took all his remaining strength at this late and tired hour not to stand up grab her, rip those rabbit PJs from her body and devour on the bed over and over again.

But as Nick struggled to maintain his self-control his eyes fell to Jess's face and as he took in her sad exhausted eyes all he wanted to do was reach out, pull her into his arms and hold her, to comfort her and make everything alright. He knew they were in the midst of an intense fight and despite the fact that he was beyond frustrated with her right now he knew he would still give anything to see her smile.

Nope, Nick thought, it wasn't just her body he longed for; it was her, all of her. Jess. His Jess. Only she wasn't his, not yet and if he didn't figure out how to fix this she never would be.

Jess put her head in her hands, "I'm just so tired Nick, I'm tired of _this. _I need to know how you really feel." Her voice was almost so pleadingly sad Nick felt his heart ache.

She was right, he was beyond tired of all this as well. Nick took a moment to gather his thoughts, he wanted to say this just right, he needed to say this. He took a deep breath and quickly ran through the words in his head, he felt like there was a hundred and one different thoughts blurred together.

_Jessica you have become the most important person in my life…_he thought, maybe that was too much to begin with.

Ok maybe something less heavy, _Jess you're one of my best friends, I like you a lot but now I want…more. _God that sounded lame.

"Nick?" Jess asked still glaring at him; he seemed to have fallen into some sort of trance.

Nick sat silently still processing his thoughts in his brain.

"Nick?" Jess called more impatiently. "Did you hear what I just said?"

Nick nodded his head quickly still not looking at her, his brain was running a hundred miles an hour, different words and thoughts clashing together as he struggled to put his feelings for Jess into ant type of coherent form.

_Jessica over the past two years you have turned my world upside down, in the best way and I have fallen…_No, no he couldn't say that. Why was this so hard?

Nick wracked his brain desperate to find the right words but that pesky four letter word kept fighting its way to the front of his mind. Nick shook his head; it was definitely too soon for _that_. There was no possible way she would feel the same.

"God dammit Nick!" Jessed yelled.

"Gimme a minute Jess!" He snapped.

Jess sighed impatiently and took in Nick's face, his expression somewhere between an angry turtle face and a look of intense concentration, like he was trying to do algebra in his head. What the hell was he thinking about? Why did he have to be such a grumpy mystery all the time?

As Nick continued with his silent internal struggle he could feel Jess growing impatience and he knew the longer he took to respond he was only making the situation harder but he needed to get this right, it was too important to do a classic Nick Miller and say something stupid.

But Jess had had enough, she stomped one foot on the spot in frustration, "Dammit Miller would you just say something already?"

"Jess would ya just shut up for one minute and stop pushing me! I'm trying to think!" he roared rubbing his hand against his tired forehead.

Jess sensed the anxiety and discomfort in his words, she knew he was struggling with something, with himself but right now she was so tired of waiting she found she didn't really care. Her patience with Nick Miller's adolescent inability to communicate a single feeling was gone entirely.

"Come on it can't be that hard, there's really only three things on Nick Miller's brain; one, be irrationally angry all the time, two, get drunk and do stupid things," she scoffed counting off on her fingers. "And three, push people away so I don't ever actually deal with any real feelings."

With her harsh words something inside Nick finally broke, the scared and vulnerable Nick who was completely and utterly head over heels in love with Jess was furiously thrust aside as angry me-against-the-world damaged Nick (who was also in completely love with Jess as well as really pissed at her right now) stepped forward.

"Oh well Jess I'm sorry I can't be more like you Jess! Floating through life singing stupid little songs and talking in god damn riddles and French freaking poetry quotes!" He yelled. Despite all the anger and frustration bubbling away inside him Nick could still hear that small voice in his head telling him to stop, to calm down before he said something he would regret, something terrible but unfortunately angry Nick seemed to be in full control of his words right now. "Do you enjoy messing with people's heads Jess?"

Jess stared at him in utter shock, "Me?"

"Yes you, you Jessica Damn Day! Skipping through life, all _tra la la la _in Jess fantasy land in your little skirts and shorts…with your stupid lips and eyes…" Nick was beginning to lose focus now. "Playing your little games, acting like a tease…"

"A tease?" Jess asked horrified, Jess had never been called a tease in her entire life.

Sad lovesick Nick's voice was screaming inside his head, pleading with angry Nick to shut the hell up but it seemed to be too late for any rational thought.

"Yes Jessica, walking around here, looking and acting the way you do…do you have any idea what that does to me?" he snarled darkly. "Getting me to do whatever the hell you want just because you're you! Oh Nick open this jar for me, help me move this heavy box Nick, oh please stay up and watch The Walking Dead with me Nick…" he said doing an extremely un-flattering impersonation of Jess, batting his eyelashes constantly at her.

Jess glared back at him. Nick looked past her his eyes locked with the red dresser behind her, the dresser he had built for her, against all his instincts. He heard Winston's warnings in his mind; you will no_t build her that dresser. Its furniture, it implies that one day you will share it with her and that's not gunna happen. _As Nick sat and stared at the dresser he felt an overwhelming rage boil within him, he jumped up off the bed and stormed past Jess his eyes focused on the red object.

"I hate this thing!" He yelled giving the dresser such a violent kick one of the legs snapped underneath from the force, the dresser fell to one side so it sat wonkily resting against the wall, broken like them.

"I wish you had never built the damn thing." Jess spat nastily as she surveyed Nick's handiwork.

"So do I." he replied turning to face Jess now, his chest heaving with rage. His dark brown eyes showed no remorse for his outburst or his earlier fear at losing Jess, there was nothing but pure anger boring into Jess.

Jess felt her inside's twist at the way he was glaring at her, he made her so furious she felt something inside her snap, "I wish you had never kissed me."

The moment the words left her lips she regretted it, it was an outburst in a moment of pure anger, and there was not a bone in her body that meant it. Nick knew this, he could see in her eyes that she had only said it in anger, he knew no matter what neither regretted that moment between them. But right now Nick was too far gone in his rage filled haze to think rationally and before he could stop himself he replied,

"I wish you had never moved in."

Jess actually felt a small gasp escape her lips at his words, hanging in the air between them like a bomb that had just exploded. Nick felt his eyes go wide in shock and disgust at what he had said. Without a doubt those were the stupidest words to ever leave his mouth, what the hell was wrong with him? Agonisingly his eyes met hers and Nick could see they were already brimming with tears; Jess didn't even bother to try and hide the devastating pain she felt. She couldn't even if she had wanted to, the hurt was etched all over her face, she felt as though Nick had just slapped her across the face.

"Jess I…" Nick stammered moving closer, his hand stretched out to her.

Jess closed her eyes tightly and stepped away from him. One heart-breaking tear slid down her cheek.

"Get out." She said her voice soft and quiet.

Nick felt his heart begin to pound inside his chest, he had to make her listen, he had to tell her he didn't mean it, of course he didn't mean it. Angry Nick, sad Nick, stupid Nick, technicality highlighting almost-lawyer Nick and all the other crazy damaged parts that made up Nick Miller all desperately wished he could take back those words, those words that were the farthest thing from the truth. The truth was the day Jessica Day moved in had been the best day of his life, the day that had started all of this, that had made him want to always be around her, to take care of her, to protect her. To make himself better for her, to maybe one day even be worthy of her.

"Jess please…" he begged, his own voice faltered slightly.

Jess's eyes snapped open, their usual bright blue sparkle replaced with a dark frenzy.

"Get out, get out, get out!" she screamed at him, her final words evolving into more of a desperate sob as she hurriedly bundled Nick from her room.

In a flash Nick found himself thrust out into the dark cold of the hallway Jess slamming her door behind her, protecting herself from him. Nick lent his head against the hard wood of her door, placing one hand against it.

"Jess…" he yelled loudly pounding one hand against the door. "Jess please…" he said his voice becoming quieter.

But Jess refused to answer; all Nick got in response was the sound of her devastating sobs from the other side of the door.

After a few moments Nick closed his eyes tightly and said in a heavy whisper he knew she would never hear. "I love you."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hey guys thanks for the awesome responses to the last chapter! It means so much to me that people are really invested in this story.**

**I can't believe its the finale next week? My goal is to try and get the whole story finished and up by then (bit ambitious I know lol) but I'm going to try. And it was just meant to be a one-shot to begin with!**

* * *

Nick staggered out of his room barely picking his feet up off the floor as he shuffled through the loft. He was beyond exhausted, he'd barely slept at all last night, instead he'd lain silently in his room replaying the fateful scene between him and Jess over and over. Only when he played it out in his head it ended differently, it didn't end with him saying the stupidest and most ridiculous comment of his entire life in a moment of pure rage and Jess in a fit of devastated tears. No in the version in Nick's head he finally found the courage to tell Jess the truth, to tell her how he had felt for so long, that he was in love with her. Then he would kiss her and she would fall happily in his arms, every time. But it was just a fantasy, a dream; Nick had no chance of ever actually achieving thanks to his behaviour from the previous night. Schmidt had been right; he truly was the king of self-sabotage.

Nick knew he needed to make this right, to figure out some way to earn Jess's forgiveness. He knew there was no chance for them together now but maybe he could still salvage something of their friendship or at least try and make it a bearable living situation. Nick knew it would be difficult, near impossible but he had to try, it was Jess after all. He thought back to her valet card words, _I can't imagine my life without him._ Nick only prayed she meant it because he was sure there was no way he could handle a life without Jess in it.

His opportunity to fix his mistake arrived sooner rather than later as Nick made his way towards the kitchen and saw Jess sat at the counter, glasses on, tea clutched in her palms, staring intently at the open laptop in front of her. Nick noted she was also surrounded by an array of newspapers and wondered if she was working on a project for school. He then remembered she taught night school classes for losers who thought they could write the next Twilight or whatever, Nick's turtle face was intrigued as he edged closer to the counter.

Jess had heard Nick's usual lazy morning shuffle from the second he dragged his sorry ass out of bed. She sat still, her eyes fixed on the computer screen as he moved closer, doing her best to keep her breathing as calm and relaxed as possible. She refused to let him see that he still had any effect on her. As far as she was concerned Nick Miller no longer existed. And this time Jess was determined to stick to this plan. From the corner of her eye she saw him finally reach the edge of the kitchen counter, refusing to appreciate the small confused turtle face he made as he took in all her stuff strewn across the counter top.

"What's all this?" he asked picking up one of the many newspapers in front of him. He tried to keep his voice cool and even, hoping to make things as normal as possible between them.

But Jess refused to look to where he stood; instead she smiled brightly at the two figures standing on the other side of the kitchen. Nick had failed to even notice the presence of his two other roommates when he came in, his attention had been solely focused on Jess.

"What about this one?" she said her voice a little too super high and full of sunshine to be anything other than false, even for Jess. "Ocean view room for rent. Owner (older retired gentleman) seeking roommate for a fun, friendly and clean atmosphere. Utilities included. Plenty of parking…oooh a double garage _and_ spacious basement. Female applicants preferred."

Schmidt who stood by the refrigerator slammed the door shut and rolled his eyes at Jess. "Please Jessica don't be so naive." He said moving closer to her, hovering over her shoulder pointing at the screen his face scrunched up. "That ad should say dirty old timer seeks young gullible female to keep locked up and torture in his _spacious basement_ until he murders her. Conveniently located near the ocean for easy body disposal."

"Fine, fine." Jess sighed, scrolling further down the screen.

Nick stared open mouthed at her; this had to be some sort of sick joke right? He looked down at the newspaper in his hands; it was the Downtown apartment listings. He then looked at the one beneath it on the table seeing it was also apartment listings, West LA, Hollywood, and San Fernando Valley. Every single newspaper on the counter was apartment listings.

"What the hell is this?" Nick snapped looking up at Jess.

But Jess continued to ignore him, "Look this one has a pool." She squealed a little too excitedly.

Schmidt lent down over her shoulder once more, "Yes but it says on the third Wednesday of every month he holds a prayer group for the, what does it say…_Children of Lucifer's Fire._"

"It could be just a really cool name for his book group." Jess said scrunching her face up.

Schmidt rolled his eyes at her again, "Devil worshippers? Really Jess?"

She shrugged, "Whatever. I don't judge people's religious beliefs."

"You won't be saying that when they sacrifice you to the sun god Ra!" he quipped back.

Jess frowned at him, "Schmidt how can they worship Ra a_nd_ Satan? That makes no sense."

Schmidt merely shrugged in response.

Nick slammed the newspaper back down on the counter. "Jessica don't be so ridiculous! You are not moving out!"

But still Jess continued to ignore him; she was actually quite impressed with her willpower and as long as Nick didn't come any closer she was pretty sure she could handle this. Instead she turned her attention to Winston who was leaning by the sink holding another newspaper in his face, doing his best to just stay the hell out of this.

"Anything in the Post Winston?" she asked as breezily and care free as she could manage with Nick standing so close to her, glaring at her intently.

Jess gripped her tea so tightly she was genuinely worried the cup would break and spill piping hot camomile all over Schmidt's brand new laptop. Trying to lessen her grip slightly she brought the cup to her lips and took a sip, hoping the tear would do its job and soothe her.

Upon hearing his name Winston reluctantly lowered his paper and gave Jess an uninterested sigh.

"Honestly Jess its pretty slim pickings out there. I mean listen to this one, fourteen bed mansion in the Hollywood Hills, which can also lead to modelling and possibly film opportunities, only $350.00 a month!"

"Code for human trafficking as wells as opportunities in porn and the escort service." Schmidt chimed in pouring himself a cup of coffee.

Winston laughed and read another ad, "Or there's this humdinger, two Persian brothers looking for a female houseguest to share their 'cosy' home." He said making a weird face.

Schmidt put the coffee pot back, "Meaning a live in cleaning lady. And most likely sex slave!"

"This is ridiculous!" Nick yelled over all of them. His hands gripped the counters edge tightly, his knuckles turning white with rage. "Have you all lost your minds?"

"It's ok." Schmidt said giving Nick a sad look which only made Nick angrier.

Winston gave a small nonchalant shrug and returned his attention to the paper.

Jess continued to ignore his presence completely.

"Hey this could be one." Winston paused scanning the rest of the ad, mumbling to himself then giving a small nod of agreement. "Yeah, older gay couple with an empty double room looking for a fun, friendly, clean and respectful roommate. No pets, no smokers, no drama queens…ah well apart from that last part Jess I think you could be perfect for this one!" he said smiling and holding out the paper to her.

Jess grabbed it enthusiastically and read it hurriedly, her blue eyes scanning from side to side beneath her glasses. "Wow this does look pretty perfect Winston, thanks man."

Winston nodded happily, "No problem."

Jess hurriedly jotted down the contact information on one of her many flowery little notebooks. "Ya know I think this could be really great. It's close to work and CeCe's place and…"

"And they're homosexuals so you don't have to worry that they could be sex pests." Schmidt said.

"God point Schmidt, gay roommates could actually be the perfect living scenario. No awkward uncomfortable sexual tension or horrible mistakes…at least I'll always know where I stand." Jess said barely bothering to hide the venom in her words in front of Winston and Schmidt. Even though she hadn't acknowledged Nick's presence her words cut through him like a knife.

"Damn." Winston muttered not looking up from his paper.

Schmidt gave Nick an awkward look and suddenly busied himself washing a bunch of dishes Nick was pretty sure were already clean.

Jess tossed her pen down happily and hopped off her stool. "Cool, well I'll call these guys after I go to…"

Nick couldn't take another second of this madness. He slammed both his fists down on the metal counter top so hard the whole kitchen shook like a mini-earthquake.

"Enough." He growled lowly, his face twisted in anger. "I don't know what the hell is going on with you guys, if you've all gone insane or are just trying to piss me off but I've had it with this crap ok? There is no way in hell Jess is moving out of this loft!"

Despite all her best planned efforts Jess couldn't take anymore and broke her no-Nick rule allowing her eyes to finally look to him as he yelled her name in such a desperate manner. Nick stood glaring at all of them, his furious face moving from one to the other before settling on Jess, his eyes finally meeting hers.

Jess refused to look away. She wanted to yell back, scream at him that he had no right in hell to tell her what she could and couldn't do but she didn't.

As Nick looked into her eyes hidden behind her glasses he saw none of the hurt or anger or even hatred he expected instead he saw nothing but emptiness looking back at him. In that moment Nick felt as though he had been hit by a semi-truck. He knew it was over, she had given up. He stared at her for a moment, desperate to say something; anything to make her stay but no words came out.

Jess cell phone vibrated on the counter top beside the laptop, she picked it up and read the text message.

"CeCe's downstairs." She said putting her phone in her purse. "She has a model friend who is going to Paris for the summer so I might be able to sub-let."

Winston and Schmidt both mumbled responses no one could quite make out, both fearful of the tense situation they once again found themselves stuck in the middle of.

Jess gave them both a small wave goodbye and walked passed Nick as though he were a ghost. Nick caught the sweet scent of her hair as she flitted past him so coldly. He couldn't let her go. Instinctively he reached out for her arm to pull her back to him, the same way he had done that night in the hallway, when he had first kissed her. Only this time she didn't melt into his arms, giving herself over to him instead now she actually flinched at his touch.

"Don't." she said backing nervously away from him, her voice full of fear.

Nick stared at her hopelessly; he had never seen her react this way to him. He needed to get her to stay; he was terrified if Jess walked out that door she may never come back.

Nick edged closer to her, tentatively, forgetting there were two other people in the room. He whisper softly, "Jessica…"

Jess shook her head violently muttering 'no' to herself over and over. Nick could hear her voice begin to shake and her breath becoming heavy, he knew she was on the verge of breaking down again. Without another word or look to Nick Jess turned and ran, snatching her keys by the door before she fled the loft entirely.

Nick remained where he was for a moment, his brain in shock, still trying to process all that just had happened when his thoughts were interrupted by the intense and hurried whispers from the kitchen. The devastation Nick felt at Jess running away from him quickly transformed into a burning rage towards the two idiots who were supposedly his best friends. He stormed back towards the kitchen.

"What in the hell is wrong with you two?" he yelled. "_How_ can you even think about helping Jess find a new place to live?"

Winston didn't answer he poured himself a bowl of cereal.

Schmidt took Jess's now vacant seat in front of his laptop, "Come on Nick you can't be serious? How else did you think all of this was going to end?"

Nick felt his face scrunch up, "I…err…"

Schmidt sighed and began lazily playing on the computer. "This disastrous little dalliance of yours was only ever going to end one way; it would all implode and one of you would have to move out." He said taking a sip of his coffee. "Admittedly I thought I thought it might last a little longer than _this. _ I mean you guys never ever got down to the good stuff! It was all just feelings and longing looks…eurgh." He added with a small shudder.

"Schmidt" Nick yelled exasperatedly.

"Don't Schmidt me Nick, it's not my fault you couldn't close with Jessica Day in a two year window!" he said his voice full of disappointment.

Nick glared at him, "It wasn't about closing ya idiot, it wasn't about just sex!"

"Clearly Nicholas." Schmidt replied.

Winston let out a low chuckle and Nick shot him a nasty glare.

"Regardless to whatever the hell it was all about, it doesn't matter now, it's over." Schmidt said simply. "She's leaving."

Nick's mind was racing, this couldn't be happening.

"It's probably for the best anyway." Schmidt said.

"What?" Nick practically screamed.

Schmidt jumped back slightly at his loud response, "Don't misunderstand me, I love that quirky little four-eyed nut-job, she's like the annoying little sister I never wanted." He said as though this was a genuinely affectionate statement. "But I will be glad for this place to go back to the good old days! Just us guys, together again!"

Winston raised his spoon to Schmidt's word in agreement. "I hear that man. Men and women living together platonically it's just not right! And I will more than happy to say bye-bye to those damn sympathy menzies!"

"Exactly! And besides the final ceasefire in yours and Jess's war of intense and irritating sexual tension..." Schmidt said bitterly looking at Nick. "…There'll be no more singing, no more crazy midnight baking marathons, no more tampon Easter egg hunts around the apartment! No more Dirty freaking Dancing!"

"Yeah buddy." Winston said smiling and reaching over to Schmidt for a high-five.

Nick was beyond furious; he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Are you guy's serious right now? Jess wants to leave, we have to stop her!" he roared.

Winston shook his head, "Nick we love Jess, course we do. But this is for the best man; things were easier before…better."

Nick glared at the man he had known all his life. Over the past twenty-five years Winston had usually served as the voice of reason and sanity Nick needed, showing him way to fix his problems and Nick had always been so grateful for that. But right now Winston was being a total idiot and talking absolute rubbish, right now Nick really wanted to punch Winston in the face. How could he possibly think that things were better before? Nick's world _before_ Jess was a dark and lonely place and he refused to go back there.

"You're wrong ok, you both are! Jess belongs here, with us…" _With me, _he added in his head. "We need to fix this."

Schmidt looked at Nick in surprise, "Sorry, we Nick?"

Nick nodded "Yes, we. We need to come up with some way to make her stay."

Schmidt let out a low chuckle and shook his head, "There is no we Nick, there's just you. You broke it, you fix it. I told you last night I'm done clearing up your messes."

Nick stared at Schmidt, he couldn't be serious after all his opinions and meddling and _now_ he was out? Nick was so angry he could feel his rage bubbling inside him; he wanted nothing more than to leap across the counter and punch Schmidt to the ground. But he had learnt last night where letting angry Nick make his decisions could lead him and for once he let cooler heads prevail. Nick knew what he needed to do and as much as the idea made his skin crawl, he would do anything to help him get Jess back he took a deep breath.

"Schmidt I'm sorry ok? I'm sorry I didn't appreciate all your help before." Nick said trying his hardest to make his voice seem as genuine as possible through his clenched teeth. "But I need it now man…"

Schmidt surveyed Nick for a moment. "So now you want my help Nicholas?"

Nick nodded his head ever so slightly, "Yes. Yes…I'm begging ya Schmidt, help me fix this."

Schmidt looked at him smugly, "Go on then."

Nick stared at him, confused. "What Schmidt?"

"Beg me." He replied simply.

"Huh?" Nick asked.

"Get on your knees and beg me Nick. Then I will help you rectify this latest disaster between you and Jessica." Schmidt said.

Nick glared at him, "You can't be serious?"

"Oh you betcha bottom dollar I'm serious Nick. You can't just stomp around here yelling at people, saying the most _hurtful_ things I might add, pushing them away one minute and pulling them back the next!" Schmidt snapped angrily.

"I have done nothing but try to help you over the past few days and you just threw it all back in my well moisturised face! And now because you're afraid you might have messed it up for good you want my help and just expect me to wave my magic wand and fix it for you!"

Nick stared at Schmidt, the rage inside almost ready to explode, the same rage that had pushed him to utter his foolish heart-breaking comment to Jess. Suddenly he heard Jess's voice from the night before ring in his head, yelling that he always pushed people away.

Nick thought for a moment, the truth was there weren't that many people close to Nick Miller. There was his family of course but they were all the way back in Chicago (where he loved them best). He had stayed in touch with a few guys from college and even less from law school. They hung out occasionally but these nights tended to involve copious amounts of alcohol and reminiscing about old times. He had even less work friends, none of whom he would consider hanging out with socially, although maybe he would make an exception for Big Bob now. And then there was Tran, his magical silent sounding board friend who seemed to appear in the park whenever Nick needed him. And Nick often worried he may just be a figment of his imagination.

But apart from that, all Nick had was the three people in this loft.

Winston, his childhood friend who had been in Nick's life for so long he wasn't sure he would function if he wasn't around.

His weird college roommate who despite all Nick's efforts just wouldn't go away, Schmidt was the sort of friend nobody wanted but everybody needed. Sure he was a total douchebag 99% of the time but Nick knew he would always be there no matter what.

And of course there was the blue eyed girl who moved in two years ago and despite knowing her for the shortest time, had irrevocably changed Nick Miller's life whilst simultaneously becoming the most important thing in it. And it wasn't just because Nick was John Hughes movie style in love with Jess but because she was always there, helping him, taking care of him no matter how much he fought her. Nick felt sick at the thought he may have pushed her away for good.

Nick looked back to Schmidt, who was glaring up at him, his 'well moisturised' face etched with anger and genuine hurt. Nick couldn't deal with another potentially friendship ruining argument right now.

"Forget it Schmidt." Nick growled turning away from them, storming back to his gloomy and lonely bedroom.

"Fine Nick, just give up and walk away, like you always do!" Schmidt yelled after him as Nick slammed his door shut violently. Schmidt turned to face Winston an evil grin spreading across his face. "Well phase one went perfectly."

* * *

It was a little before six pm that evening before Nick finally found the strength to vacate the black pit of his bedroom. He had spent most of the day trying to think of ways to convince Jess to forgive him and stay but as it turned out Nick Miller wasn't very good at thinking or planning or anything really other than being a total screw up. Eventually Nick gave up some time in the late afternoon and despite the million and one thoughts plaguing his mind he actually managed to fall asleep. The stress and exhaustion of the past few days finally got the better of him.

After taking some time to think things through and marvel at his shocking lack of ideas Nick realised he needed help now more than ever. He didn't care is Schmidt made him beg on his hands and knees or kiss his stupid thumb ring, Nick would do whatever he had to make Jess stay.

However when he emerged from his room he found the living room and kitchen were both deserted. He stood there for a moment scanning the loft looking for any sign of activity; it was odd everyone was usually home by now.

"Schmidt?" he called loudly, turning on the spot where he stood. "Winston? J…Jess?" he called hopelessly knowing even if she was here she wouldn't answer. "Anybody home?"

Still there was no reply, the loft was eerily silent, Nick didn't like it one bit. He shuffled anxiously towards Schmidt's closed bedroom door and knocked lightly, "Schmidt man, you in here?" he said opening the door and leaning in but it too was empty.

Nick closed the door with a defeated sigh; maybe he had finally pushed everyone away. He let out an annoyed grunt as he flopped himself down on the stool Jess had previously occupied that morning whilst conducting her ridiculous apartment hunt. He surveyed his surroundings and guessed the others must have been out of the loft pretty much all day as the kitchen was in the same state as before. The countertop was still littered with a seemingly endless sea of newspapers; Nick felt his fists tighten as he noticed the number of listings circled in red marker.

"Dammit." He snarled out loud to himself banging his clenched fist down on the counter a little too hard. "Ow." He mumbled rubbing his hand.

Then Nick noticed something else lying in the mess of black and white papers, a small notebook adorned with pink and yellow flowers, Nick knew it was one of the notebooks Jess used for work. Not really knowing why he picked it up and surveyed the words on the page, written in the same elegant script as was on the valet cards Nick still had safely tucked away in his wallet.

_*Jess Day's New Apartment/Roommate Wish List*_

_Close to CeCe's_

_Safe neighbourhood_

_MUST recycle_

_Not be crazy psycho murderers_

_No __**turtle**__ faces_

_Parking_

_Must like cookies/baking/deserts_

Nick shook his head as he read Jess's wish list for her new home, the page of course decorated with such Jess-like doodles of flowers and stars. Nick despaired at the fact it was more important for her to be close to CeCe's apartment and her new roommates recycle than knowing if they were potential axe murders. He really did question how she had survived this long on her own.

Nick's eyes hovered over point number 5, _no turtle faces, _and he knew as he read those words again his face was in the exact expression she always claimed he made but he refused to admit. He did not have a turtle face! It seemed he had really pissed her off to be more important than a parking spot and baking (something he knew was genuinely important to Jess) so at least that was something. He'd take mad and angry Jess over the one who was currently refusing to acknowledge his existence whatsoever.

Nick smacked the notebook against the palm of his hand, somehow motivated by his inclusion on her list. Now all he needed was a plan. Then suddenly a horrible thought came over him, _Eurgh…time to call Schmidt._

Just as Nick prepared to drag himself back to his room and search for his cell phone the loft door flew open, Winston rushing straight towards Nick, his face a mixture of pure glee, excitement and something else, something Nick couldn't quite place, something slightly more sinister.

"Nick man you're here, awesome!" Winston cried beaming at him.

Nick looked up at his friend in confusion, "What's up man? You seem very… excited."

"You better believe it!" Winston said grinning more wildly. "I got you a present."

"Really? Why?" Nick asked knowing now he was making a full on uncomfortable 'turtle face' as Jess would say. Guys didn't get other guys presents, he just hoped this wouldn't be another cookie debacle.

"I know how bummed you were earlier and I felt kinda bad. So I came up with a little something to cheer you up…" he replied with a dangerous glint in his eye that Nick recognised all too well.

Nick jumped up off the stool tossing Jess notebook down on the counter. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no Winston! Please tell me you haven't done a prank by yourself?"

Winston nodded back enthusiastically, "Damn straight! A Winston Bishop Classic." He added proudly.

Nick glared back at him knowing there was no such thing, then he suddenly felt panic grip his body, "Winston wait, the prank…what…who…" he struggled to get the words out. "Where's Jess?"

Winston's excited smile fell into a confused look, "Jess? No idea, she's been out with CeCe all day."

Nick felt a rush of relief was over him, glass Jess hadn't been the victim in one of Winston's potentially dangerous pranks. Then his mind clicked into place. "Winston, where's Schmidt?"

Winston smile grew wide one more and he let out an evil chuckle, "Come with me dude." He said nodding towards the doorway.

Nick followed him nervously, "What have you done Winston?"

Winston shot a dark grin back over his shoulder and winked. Nick felt his nervousness grow into full blow panic. Nick stopped and grabbed at Winston's arm. "Seriously man what have you done?"

Winston stopped and turned back to Nick, waving his arms with a frustrated sigh, "Fine! But you've ruined the surprise now!"

"Winston!" Nick yelled.

Winston rolled his eyes, "Ok chill, look I told Schmidt that there are these two hot new girls that have just moved in across the street and that they do naked yoga every day in their living room…" he said excitedly, unable to stop himself from giggling.

"…Anyway I called Schmidt at work and told him I was watching the whole thing from our roof! So he rushed home straight away, he literally ran out of one of the biggest client meetings he's had all year…" Winston said laughing louder now. Nick just stared at him open mouthed.

"…But when he got up there I had covered the entire roof in cat food and the crazy bird-cat went straight for him, scratching and screeching and clawing at him!" Winston said laughing and clapping his hands together in glee.

"What?"

"I know awesome right?" Winston said seriously. "Looks like you're not the prank king anymore Nick!"

Nick shook his head in disbelief, "Was he freaking out?"

Winston nodded laughing loudly again. "Totally. He was yelling and screaming and blubbering like a big ol' baby, _wah wah wah_." Winston said pretending to rub tears from his eyes. "He has banging on the door so hard, begging to be let out…whining about his asthma…it was so hilarious. Come see man!"

Nick looked at him in utter horror, "How long has he been up there?"

Winston shrugged, "I don't know, like half an hour, maybe longer. I wanted to wait for the optimum freak out moment before I showed you!"

"Oh my god." Nick said.

"And it gets better, look…" Winston said reaching into his pants pocket and pulling out a small white cylinder. "Check it outttttt!"

"Schmidt's inhaler? Seriously Winston, have you gone totally insane? What if he has an asthma attack up there or passes out and falls off the roof!" Nick yelled.

Winston's laughter began to fade. "Wait…what?"

"He needs is inhaler to breathe properly ya moron or he could get really bad! He could die!" Nick roared.

Winston stared at the tiny object in his hands, a horrible realisation creeping across his face, "So he really needs this thing? It's not just one of those random little things he gets online, like those Tibetan healing bracelets he swore by last month?"

Nick shook his head furiously. "No you idiot!" he snapped rushing past Winston, grabbing his red hoodie from the coat rack. "Come on!"

Nick tugged the loft door open and ran towards the stairwell to the roof, Winston following closely, each guy taking the steps two at a time.

"Dammit Winston." Nick snarled through ragged breath as they rushed up the stairs.

Winston shot him an apologetic look, "Too far?"

"Ya think?" Nick growled as they reached the top of the stares, wrenching the loft door open angrily.

* * *

As Nick entered the warm summer evening air he was not greeted, as expected, by the sight of Schmidt rolling around screaming in pain or hiding from the bird-cat in a fort made from their garden furniture. In fact the roof seemed to be completely empty and for a brief moment Nick was genuinely worried Schmidt _had_ leapt to his death.

But then Nick began to take in his surroundings, this didn't even look like their rooftop at all, their roof was a collection of mismatched lawn chairs, sun loungers and a wobbly table Nick had tried (unsuccessfully) to angry fix. There were usually a few potted plants scattered randomly which Jess had added not long after she moved in to bring a little greenery to the place, all fake of course as not a single one of the guys could be relied on to keep them alive. And the only light at night came from the coloured Christmas lights still hanging up from a roof party six years ago.

Yet now it seems orderly and organised, almost like the outside area of a fancy restaurant. The bright coloured lights had been switched off and replaced with all white fairy lights, draped across the roof like night stars. Nick noticed the chairs were actually set upright at the table, which looked as though it was set for dinner, for two…then Nick noticed the ice bucket standing beside the table and two champagne glasses. And were those rose petals scattered across the floor? What the hell he thought; this was the weirdest prank ever. He turned back to Winston wearing his full on confused Nick Miller turtle face.

"Winston what the…" he began but as he turned around he suddenly became aware of a small figure standing at the other side of the rooftop.

She stood with her back to him, her long dark waves blowing ever so lightly in the soft breeze as she stared out at the slowly darkening pink evening sky. His words seemed to snap Jess from her peaceful moment, she spun around swiftly to face him, wide eyed and in complete shock.

"Nick?" she asked.

"Jess?" he replied as equally confused.

He turned back to the doorway to the roof stairwell and saw Winston grinning back at him broadly, as was Schmidt who had suddenly appeared by his side. They were both looking extremely pleased with themselves.

Nick scowled at them, "What is going on?" he yelled moving towards the door.

But Winston was too fast for him and quickly pulled the roof door shut, leaving Nick and Jess on the other side. Nick heard the lock twist on the other side.

"What the…" he said lowly to himself as he stared at the closed door. Nick face scrunched up in confusion as he heard excited cheers from inside the door.

"We did it!" Winston said.

"Damn right we did son!" Schmidt replied gleefully.

Then Nick heard the distinct sound of a high-five as they said in unison, "Roommate trap!"

* * *

**A/N: Now I had thought of the roof idea before Winston's Birthday aired and I am taking it as a sign that clearly me and Elizabeth Meriwether should be friends. lol x**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: This chapter turned out a little longer than expected so I've split it into two, hoping to get the other half up by the end of today! **

* * *

Nick banged his fists hard against the roof doorway furiously.

"Come on you guys, very funny…haha we get it…" He growled through the door. "Now open the door!"

Nick was doing his best to remain as calm as he could, he could feel Jess's eyes intently focused on him, he wanted to show her in could control his anger.

There was no response from inside the door, had they already gone downstairs?

Nick banged again, harder and louder, "Guys?"

"We're still here Nicholas." Schmidt's voice replied.

"Good." Nick said with a relieved nod, noting the small breath of relief Jess exhaled at his words.

"But we're not letting you out." Schmidt said from the other side. "…Or _in _I should say."

"Schmidt." Nick growled warningly.

"No Nick I'm sorry but you two are going to stay out there until you figure this mess out." Schmidt said like a parent telling off their naughty child. "It's for your own good."

"Yeah we're sick of all your crap." Winston chimed in. "And Jess is _not_ moving out…we love her too much."

"Damn straight. This loft wouldn't be the same without you Jess." Schmidt said in agreement.

Jess felt a genuine smile appear on her face despite the strange situation in which she currently found herself. She was touched by their words, she knew the guys cared about her but they didn't really say it much. It really had become a feeling loft she thought. Jess edged closer to the roof doorway, shooting a quick look to Nick, stopping before she got too close to him.

"Guys that's so sweet but you don't have to worry I'm not leaving." She said softly through the doorway.

Nick snapped his head to her, his eyes full of hope at her words. "You're not?"

Jess couldn't help but look back at him given how close he was to her but she didn't answer him. The truth was she didn't know what the hell she was going to do, she didn't want to leave the loft, she loved living here but she just couldn't stay any longer. She couldn't think about it now she turned back to the door, moving a little closer.

"Let us back inside and we can all talk about this." She said.

Nick could literally feel Schmidt roll his eyes on the other side of the door. "_We_, the people on the inside of the door have nothing to talk about Jess. Whereas you outside door people have enough issues for a Dr. Phil special…"

Nick shot a nasty glare at the door, struggling to remain in control of his steadily bubbling anger as Schmidt continued to speak.

"…But that doesn't mean we aren't here to help you." He continued in a patronising tone. "Now the most important thing about couple's therapy is…"

"We are _not_ a couple!" Jess yelled slamming her own hand against the locked metal door.

She hit it pretty hard and Nick knew it had to hurt but if she was she didn't let it show, instead she just looked _really_ pissed off.

"Whatever Jess." Winston chimed in. "Look here's the deal, we love the both of you and we're not losing either of you so you better figure this thing out!"

Jess let out a frustrated grunt and kicked the door violently, letting out a small squeal of pain Nick presuming she had stubbed her toe. He opened his mouth to say something to her but she just glared up at him with an accusatory look on her face. Nick felt a spark of panic rush through him; did she think he had something to do with all this madness? Nick stepped a little closer to her, noting the flash of worry in her eyes as he moved towards her, he held up his hands in a pacifying manner.

"Look Jess its ok, I'm gunna fix this." He said as reassuringly as he could manage.

But Jess only response was an unimpressed scoff at his words. Nick tried not to let her unenthusiastic reaction affect him, he stepped back towards the closed door, determined to get them off this roof if for no other reason now than to prove her wrong.

"Look Winston man you're right, we need to talk, we need to figure this out…this can't carry on…" He said shooting a side look to Jess, unable to hide the undeniable truth in his statement. "…and if you let us back inside we will. I promise."

Nick now heard Schmidt let out an equally as unconvinced scoff at his words.

"Not a chance Nick, you forget we know you both better than anyone." Schmidt said sternly. "You both have this amazing ability to avoid anything you don't want to deal with unless someone forces you to. So here you are friends, we're holding up the proverbial mirror to your emotionally damaged selves. And you're very welcome by the way."

"Schmidt…" Nick snarled, his hands clenching tightly at this sides. "I swear if you don't…"

"You can bark at me all you like Nick but we're not letting you in." Schmidt replied. "So you may as well make the most of it."

"Most of what?" Nick snapped back unable to stop the turtle face expression forming on his face. Jess did her best not to smile at it.

"Of the wonderful and spectacular rooftop paradise Winston and I have spent _all day_ creating for you two ungrateful idiots!" Schmidt hissed. "Firstly we have _Schmidt's,_ the finest kosher bistro outside of New York…"

Both Nick and Jess exchanged confused looks and in unison slowly turned their attention from the closed door and looked back out across the rooftop, finally taking in their surroundings.

Once again Nick noticed the romantic dinner set for two, relieved to know it wasn't for him and Winston. Now finally able to survey the scene before him Nick noticed there seemed to be a whole foodservice station assembled beside it, it looked like an outdoor cafeteria. Nick let his curiosity take over and slowly approached the large metal trays, struggling to take it all in. Nervously he lifted the heavy metal lid off the first tray and found beneath plates of fancy looking gourmet food, all teeny tiny portions and expertly put together. It looked like the sort of fancyman food Schmidt adored but Nick thought looked like someone had already eaten.

"Now to start we have carrot and coriander fritters with halloumi and sweet lemon dressing." Schmidt called through the door, Nick's face scrunched up at his words. "For your main course I have prepared pan-fried sea bass with watercress, polenta croutons and capers…"

Nick shot a horrified look to Jess who was just stood staring at the scene in an apparent state of shock.

Schmidt seemed to have taken their stunned silence for appreciation and awe and continued to recite their menu for the evening, "And for dessert, my delectable _Tiramisu_, a total classic. Mwah!" Nick knew Schmidt had kissed his fingers like he was some ridiculous TV chef.

Nick placed the metal lid down slowly and shook his head. "Schmidt this is crazy, where did you get all this stuff?"

"eBay." Schmidt replied simply. "Now all the hot food is in the first tray and the desserts are in the second. Now I've set the temperatures just right so I don't want either of you two fiddling with my knobs…"

"Jar." Nick said to himself. Then he noticed something, counting the number of huge pieces of metal catering equipment currently taking up space on their rooftop. "Wait Schmidt there's three trays, what's in the last one?"

Schmidt let out an annoyed groan inside the doorway, "Dammit I forgot you could count. Eurgh fine, the other tray contains foods more attuned to the animalistic pallet of Nick Miller."

"This part was my idea." Winston chipped in proudly.

Nick opened the tray furthest away from him and felt his senses come alive. His face fell into the biggest grin as he looked down at the contents of chicken wings, ribs, nachos, burritos, fries, onion rings and pretty much every other deep fried food Nick adored but Schmidt abhorred. Back in his 'Fat Schmidt' days in college the two would love nothing better than sitting in their dorm demolishing pizzas and wings talking about all the girls they could have got but decided not to (their delusions were endless) but Nick honestly couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Schmidt anything not on his 'approved' list. Now days it was all fancy sushi and weird blended concoctions Nick never quite trusted the colour of.

But now staring at the perfect food collection, in spite of him all Nick could say was, "Awesome."

"Food heathen." Schmidt yelled in disgust.

Nick felt his stomach lurch in want at the mouth watering sight before him, he was famished, he hadn't eaten today but he knew there were more important things for him to deal with right now.

And apparently Schmidt was not done revealing his and Winston's master plan.

"Next we have _Winston's Gentleman's Bar_." He said pausing briefly. "Which if I'm not mistaken is located to Jess's right…"

At his words Jess slowly spun her body round to where they usually laid out on the sun-loungers drinking beer and doing very little. However now it appeared as though the two old rickety sun-loungers had been pushed together, with large soft cushions scattered all around and covered in what Nick really hoped weren't (but knowing Schmidt probably were) black satin sheets. Nick felt his whole body cringe as he finally saw this is where the trail of red rose petals scattered by the table led to, the makeshift bed.

"Yeah it's awesome! We got a mini fridge full of drinks and even managed to hook the speakers up with the stereo downstairs. Listen…" Winston said excitedly.

Nick's entire body clenched in horror as _Chris Isaak – Wicked Game_ suddenly blared into the evening sky.

"Just as little _mood_ music…" Schmidt said as the track suddenly changed into _Marvin Gaye – Let's Get It On._

This without a doubt had to be the most awkward and uncomfortable moment of Nick's entire life. This couldn't possibly get any worse he thought to himself but as the track shifted to _R Kelly – Bump n Grind_ Nick knew he was wrong, it could be worse.

"Kill me now." He muttered under his breath.

"Isn't it amazing? I'm changing the songs through an app on my phone!" Schmidt chirped enthusiastically changing the song to _Boyz II Men – I'll Make Love to You._ "The wonders of technology."

Nick didn't say anything at his roommates idiotic words, his attention was solely focused on Jess as she staggered towards the satin covered sung-loungers. It appeared as if she were in some sort of dazed trance-like state. Cautiously she sat down, her body teetering on the edge as Schmidt and Winston continued to skip through their 'set the mood' playlist laughing and cheering at their supposed brilliant idea. But Jess didn't seem to find it remotely funny or clever whatsoever, instead she looked as though she might burst into tears at any moment.

Nick wanted to rush over to her and comfort her immediately, tell her to ignore their idiotic roommates (as he often did) and somehow find some way to make her make her smile. But given all that had happened lately Nick doubted he would be of any real comfort to her right now. He only prayed she believed he had nothing to do with this entire fiasco.

"Schmidt would ya knock it off!" Nick roared backing away from the table.

"Don't get your panties in a twist Nicholas; we saved the _pièce de résistance _for last…" Schmidt snapped in reply as the music changed for the final time.

Nick closed his eyes tightly as the song echoed around them. Instantly cursing his supposed two best friends as the words rang in his ears;

_I've had the time of my life…_

Nick snapped his eyes open as he heard the smallest sob escape from Jess's lips before she thrust her head into her lap in despair.

"Oh my god." She whispered lowly.

Her overwhelmed reaction stirred to awaken the rage filled beast Nick tried so desperately to control. Nick launched himself at the metal door, banging and kicking his fists against it so forcefully he was surprised he didn't pound his way straight through.

"Turn. That. Crap. Off. Now." He roared his voice dark and dangerous.

Schmidt and Winston exchanged worried looks on the other side of the door, they both recognised that tone, they weren't just dealing with every day angry Nick now, they had awoken irate ferocious and sometimes prone to rash violent outbursts Nick.

"Ok man, it's off." Winston said apologetically.

The rooftop was suddenly plunged into a cool silence.

"All you had to do was ask Nick." Schmidt mumbled.

Nick shook his head in exasperation, the rage boiling within so hotly him he couldn't contain it, he smashed his fist against the door one final time.

"Dammit." Nick snarled as his brain registered the pain spreading through his knuckles. He turned away from the door, rubbing his now sore hand with the other when his eyes met the blue pair which had been unable to keep their eyes off him from across the rooftop.

Nick wasn't sure of it was his bleared vision from the pain in his hand or just his wishful thinking but he swore he could see the slightest trace of a smile appear on Jess face. A smile of gratitude maybe? Nick felt the pain in his hand fade at even this small sign of warmth, of hope from her.

Jess eyed him for a moment; she opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something but stopped herself. Nick felt his brief flicker of hope die out at her actions but then he noticed she was still smiling at him, maybe even a little wider now. Nick felt his breath hitch in his throat and watched with silent trepidation as Jess rose to her feet and slowly made her way across the rooftop, towards Nick. He watched as she glided silently through the darkening evening sky, her dark curls blowing wistfully in the light summer breeze.

Then Nick was suddenly pulled from his angelic vision of her by an almighty crashing sound. It seemed despite the mass of empty space on the roof Jess still somehow managed to have balance issues and had collided with Winston's makeshift bar. Nick let out a soft chuckle at Jess now sprawled across the wooden decking surrounded by an array of small bright coloured objects, as he noticed she has also managed to knock over a large metal box that had sat atop the bar.

Embarrassed by her ill time clumsiness Jess pulled herself up onto her knees and hurriedly began clearing it up.

"What was that?" Winston asked through the door.

"Nothing. Jess just knocked over some big metal box." He said as he walked over to help her.

"Be careful, you might be needing those later. If all goes well…" Schmidt said in a somewhat unsettling tone.

Nick had no idea what he was talking about but as he bent down, his face now level with Jess, he saw a look of total horror and embarrassment of her face. Then something shiny square in her hand caught Nick's eye and he had the horrible realisation of what she was holding, a condom. Confused he looked down at the floor and saw they were surrounded by a sea of condoms, Schmidt's disconcerting comment making all too much sense now. Nick looked up at Jess face; the brief smile that had reignited his hope was gone and was now replaced by an intense and icy stare.

"Jess…" Nick began.

Jess glared at him and took a deep breath before speaking through gritted teeth, "Nick…tell me the truth, did you do this?"

Nick stared back at her in confusion before his brain actually registered what she was asking him, was he a part of this madness? He almost laughed in her face it was such an absurd notion. Not only did Nick lack the funds, resources and basic motivation he had nowhere near the imagination for something this elaborate. Crazy and disgusting pranks against his friends (namely Schmidt) then sure; Nick Miller was your man, but big romantic gestures, not so much.

Nick looked at her, hoping his eyes showed the truth. "No, no, no Jess I swear to you I had nothing to do with…"

Nick felt relief as he saw Jess expression immediately soften at his words, she believed him. Jess gave him a small nod, of course Nick would never do something like this to her. Her soft flickering smile seemed as though it was about to return to her face until Schmidt's ill-timed voice yelled through the door.

"And as the _only_ member of the loft yet to have a confirmed visual on Nick's junk I included a range of sizes." He said a definite bitterness in his words. "But as always its safety first."

Jess scrunched both her fists tightly crumpling a number of the shiny packets in her tiny hands. Nick saw her eyes turned dark and almost menacing, he actually felt himself gulp. Jess suddenly sprung into the air with an angry cry. Jess flew towards the rooftop door slamming the palms of her fists against the closed metal over and over.

"Schmidt you open this door right now!" She yelled as she gave the door one loud earthquake-like bang. "Or I swear to god I will scale the walls like freaking Spiderman sneak into your bedroom and go all Freddy Krueger on your suits!"

Jess heard Schmidt let out a horrified squeal. "You wouldn't _dare_!"

"Try me Schmidt." Jess growled darkly. "That's not all, if you don't let us in right this second I will spend every minute of every day thinking of ways to make your life a living hell. Nothing will be off limits Schmidt, not your body gelato, not your hair chutney, not a single one of your hundred dollar jars of cream or gel or whatever other crap you smear on yourself will be safe!"

"Jessica how could you threaten my _chut-ten-ney!_" Schmidt cried in despair.

Jess whole body was shaking with fury as she kicked the door, "Then open the god damn door and no chutney has to get hurt!"

Nick approached Jess; cautiously he placed a hand on her shoulder. "Jess its ok, calm down."

Jess shrugged him off, "Don't tell me to calm down Miller."

"Look Jess I just tryin' to help…" He said.

Jess turned to face him, her dark whipping around quickly, "Then why don't you do something useful and get these two numbnuts to open this door!"

Nick tried not to rise to Jess own anger. "Ok Jess, look what do you want me to do?"

Nick heard Schmidt and Winston's taunting chuckle on the inside of the door, then Winston mumbled;

"Whipped already…damn!"

"Can it Winston!" Nick spat back. Just because he would do anything Jess asked or wanted him to did not mean he was whipped. He was just…damn.

Jess eyes turned dark at the mention of their other roommate's name. "You know Winston I can't believe you would do this to me! You know how claustrophobic I am!"

Despite knowing how incredibly furious she was now Nick couldn't help but snigger at Jess words. "Jess we're on a rooftop, there is literally nothing but open space and fresh air up here."

Jess swung her face back to Nick once more, scowling at him darkly. "Shut. Up. Miller."

"Jess, c'mon…" he said slightly apologetically as he reached out for her elbow, still unable to stop himself from smirking at her.

"No Nick this is all just some big joke to you isn't it?" she spat nastily snatching her arm away from his touch.

Nick felt his grin fade as his face fell into a deep frown, "Jess would ya just cut me some slack here? This isn't my fault!"

"Isn't it?" Jess snapped before she could stop herself.

"I already told you I had _nothing_ to do with all this!" Nick yelled pointing to the unbelievable scene around them.

Jess shook her head in annoyance, "Whatever Miller…" She said dismissively.

"No Jess c'mon you've clearly got something to say, so say it!" Nick said, realising the volume of his words was getting louder.

Jess glared at Nick, her eyes narrowing, "Fine Miller. You may not have been involved in Dumb and Dumbers master plan but we are stuck up here because of you!"

"_What?"_ Nick asked incredulously.

"None of this would be even be happening if you hadn't gone all Nick Miller and broke into Russell's house for those stupid valet cards instead of just talking to me in the first place!" she yelled back at him.

Nick knew she was right, he was the one who had started all of this, not just his ridiculous misadventure to Russell's house but months ago that night in the hallway. Nick had been the one to cross that line, to irrevocably change things between them and it seemed every day since he had only succeeded in making this worse. And right now was no different, whilst he knew he needed to keep his cool and try to calm Jess down, to get her to see reason it seemed angry Nick was prepping himself to make another ill-timed appearance. He just couldn't seem to keep his mouth shut when Jess was around.

"Oh yes Jessica and this has absolutely nothing to do with your little performance from this morning!" Nick roared at her. "All that crap about moving out! Why do you have to act like a child all…"

But Jess cut him off, "Excuse me? _I'm _the immature one here?"

Nick nodded, his brown eyes glaring at her. "Yes Jess! Acting like I didn't exist today, behaving like one of your sixth graders! Very mature Day."

"You know what Miller? That's it, I'm done with all this crap…and you two…" She said banging on the door. "…are going to pay for this, mark my words!"

Jess threw Nick a dark look before she stormed off back towards the covered sun-loungers, her pink pumps stomping across the scattered masses of condoms still spread across the decking floor. She sat down with an irritated huff, folding her arms and purposefully turned her face from Nick, staring instead out to the night skyline.

Nick remained where he was, his chest heaving and fists clenched. He needed a minute to gather his thoughts and get his anger back in check before it went too far again, unfortunately Schmidt chose this moment of silence to once again add his own unwanted opinions to the proceedings.

"Ok guys, good start, it's really important that you put it all out there. A healthy relationship…" Schmidt began to say in a condescending tone when Nick cut him off.

"A healthy relationship? Do me a favour Schmidt!" Nick growled. "You are the last person I would _ever_ go to for advice…"

Schmidt let out a small chuckle on the inside, "Nick must I remind you of last year? Where you practically begged me to help you manage your little sorority girl problems!"

Nick nodded to himself, "Sure Schmidt you're the professor of hooking up with random chicks and getting rid of them as quickly as possible but dealing with actual real women, feelings and relationships you're worse than me!"

"How very dare you…" Schmidt began.

"I may be the king of self-sabotage in relationships Schmidt but at least I _have_ real relationships!" Nick spat nastily. "You're nothing but a self-centred, sleazy, arrogant douchebag who thinks just because you used to be the fat kid with no friends and is now some big shot executive you can act however you want!"

Schmidt said nothing on the other side of the door at Nick's barbed words. Nick knew he should stop, that he was just taking all of his frustrations out on Schmidt.

"No wonder CeCe didn't want you." Nick added in a low mutter but loud enough for them to hear on the inside of the door.

Just as he had last night Nick instantly regretted his words, why did angry Nick always have to open his big mouth and ruin everything. Nick knew how hard the whole CeCe thing had been for Schmidt, and how much it was killing him that she was marrying someone else. Nick knew that despite this whole crazy scenario Schmidt and Winston had come up with they were just trying to help. Dammit Miller, he thought to himself.

"Schmidt I…" he said quietly but got no reply, all he heard was the hard hammering of footsteps on the stairs, which grew quieter and quieter as they moved away.

"Schmidt wait!" Winston yelled from the inside of the door then let out a tired sigh. "Nick man, seriously?"

Nick ran his hands down his face, "I know. I'm an idiot."

"I'm gunna go after him, before he starts drowning his sorrows in melon balls." Winston said, then turned back to the closed door. "Nick…"

"Yeah?" Nick answered.

"Just talk to her man." Winston said simply.

It was the same words Nick had heard over and over the past few days, from Russell, from Schmidt, from Big Bob as well as constantly from the frustrated voice in his head. Nick had known all along this is what he had to do, he needed to face her, to figure out what the hell was going on but he just couldn't. He didn't know now if it was because he was trapped up on the roof with her or because it was Winston who had said the words to him but Nick knew he couldn't run from it anymore, he didn't want to.

"Ok." Nick said quietly.

Nick heard the sounds of Winston's feet move on the inside of the door, then stop suddenly. "Hey Nick, don't screw it up."

Winston didn't give Nick any time to reply as Nick heard the movement of his feet once more as they trailed off to follow Schmidt back downstairs.

Nick stood for a moment by the door, staring across the roof to where Jess at silently with her back to him. He took a deep breath and slapped himself on both sides of his face, he was ready, he could do this, he _had_ to do this.

"Game face Miller." He mumbled as he made his way towards her.

* * *

Jess heard the slow shuffle of Nick's feet approach her through the silent night air, the sun had practically set now and the earliest twinkling of stars began to appear above. It really was a beautiful sight; the idea of laying up here under the stars with Nick would have been a dream come true for Jess only a few days ago but now it seemed like a nightmare. No matter what she did or what she tried it always seemed to end the same way between them, screaming and yelling hurtful things to one another and she was just so tired of it. So to her the only logical thing to do was ignore it, she knew Nick was never going to tell her how he really felt. He would mumble and skirt around his feelings until it led to another argument. And she was done. She didn't care if he thought it was childish, she couldn't keep going round and round like this, it hurt too much.

Jess let out an involuntarily wince as Nick scraped one of the old battered lawn chairs across the floor towards her. He set the chair down about three feet away from her and silently sat down. Jess could feel his eyes boring into her body but she refused to look at him, instead she twisted her body away from his direction and cast her gaze out across the sky, concentrating on the emerging white lights of the stars.

Nick continued to star at her, he knew she was using all her willpower not to let herself look at him, to not give in. And he knew how stubborn she could be; luckily Nick Miller was even more stubborn.

Nick cleared his throat, "Jess, c'mon are you really going to do this again?"

Jess kept her face turned away from his.

"Look I know I've been an idiot ok? And I'm sorry but I'm here and I wanna talk to you Jess…I wanna talk about us." He said sincerely.

Jess tried not to let it show that her heart jumped when he spoke of them as one entity.

"Jess please…talk to me." He said, unable to hide the pleading in his voice.

Still nothing.

"Jessica." Nick said his voice becoming sterner.

Silence.

Nick felt his patience and determination start to fade at her continual silence. She wouldn't even let herself look at him.

"Dammit Jess would ya quit being so stubborn and just talk to me? You're the one who said I push people away and never deal my feelings and now I'm here you're actually just going to sit there and pretend I don't exist?" Nick yelled incredulously at her cold response, couldn't she see how hard he was trying?

Jess felt her heart pound in her chest, she knew Nick was struggling to keep it all together, to keep from snapping and that's why she knew this would only end one way. If she turned to him now, if they tried to talk about all the craziness that had happened between them lately they would only end up at loggerheads once more. So she remained silent, refusing to let herself get sucked back in by him again. She knew it would only be a matter of time before he gave up and walked away.

Nick shook his head, "Fine Jess, if this is what you want forget it. I tried here ok, I tried to fix this but now I'm done."

He snapped standing to his feet. Jess couldn't help but let a small smirk cross her lips at his actions, right on schedule Miller, she thought to himself.

Angry and feeling beaten Nick looked down at Jess and saw the slightest flicker of a smirk on her face. Did she find this funny? Was all this some sort of joke to her? But as Nick looked down at her face he saw the smile didn't reach her eyes. As she looked out into the night her blue eyes looked tired and sorrowful. Nick realised it wasn't a smile of happiness or mocking but a resigned sign, she had expected nothing less from Nick than to give up. Something inside Nick was suddenly stirred by her reaction, _sit your ass back down_, the angry voice in his head growled, _prove her wrong._

Nick took a deep breath and sat back in his chair; Jess couldn't help but let her head look back at his actions.

"You know what, I'm not done." He said an almost cool grin appearing across his face. "Not by a long shot. This isn't how this is going to end."

Jess felt her mouth fall open at his bold words; she continued to stare at him.

Nick lent back in the chair, "I don't care if it takes all night, I'm not going anywhere Jessica."


	11. Chapter 11

Twenty-three excruciating minutes of silence later and Jess really felt like she was going to break. Nick had proved to be a man of his word, he hadn't gone anywhere, in fact he hadn't moved a muscle, he had just sat in that damn old lawn chair, staring at her. She knew what he was doing, he knew how much Jessica Day _hated_ silence, it was just something her awkward little mind couldn't deal with and he knew right now she was struggling to remain in control.

Nick continued to stare silently at Jess, truly amazed at her determination but as the sky grew darker and it truly became night Nick knew this power struggle between them couldn't go on.

Finally after what felt like an eternity Nick spoke, "Are you really going to do this Jess?"

Jess shifted in her seat, hers eyes flicking to his at the sound of her name but still she refused to speak.

"I mean who knows how long we're gunna be stuck up here?" he said thoughtfully.

He then paused, an idea entering his brain. Fine if she wouldn't speak then he would do enough talking for the both of them.

"You know we don't even have to talk about us, we can talk about anything you like." He said a small smile appearing on his face. "The news, politics, the weather…you know I bet you'd love to hear about the Bears epic victory in the 1986 Superbowl right? I know how much you _love_ football Jess."

Jess shot Nick an aggravated look which only made him smirk as he proceeded to speak for quite some time about the Chicago Bears victory over the New England Patriots.

"Hey where are my manners I have been doing all the talking Jess, I'm sorry, why don't you tell me about your day? What did crazy Indian wedding shenanigans did you and CeCe get up to?" he asked.

Jess just continued to glare at him.

"Still nothing? Ok then, I'll tell you about my day." He said, his voice them became less playful. "Well to be honest with ya, it pretty much sucked; see last night I had this huge argument with my best friend…"

He began; Jess could not help but look up at his words. He had never called her that before.

"…and well I said some really stupid and hurtful things and now she's not talking to me. I'm really worried I could lose her…and I can't lose her…" he said quietly. "So any advice on how I can make it up to her?"

Jess felt her heart break at the honesty in his voice. She knew it was his Nick Miller way of saying he was sorry and as much as her heart ached right now she refused to give in, she cast her eyes down to her hands in her lap.

But it seemed Nick too refused to give up, he gave Jess a soft smile, "Nothing? Ok we'll come back to that."

Nick paused for a moment, "Hey what about jokes? You love jokes Jess?"

Nick cleared his throat, "What don't elephants use suitcases?" he paused waiting for Jess to repeat his question back to him, which of course she didn't. "Cause they already have trunks!"

Jess bit her lip and kept her eyes focused downwards, she was trying to hard not to smile. Damn Nick Miller he knew Jess couldn't resist a bad joke.

Nick wracked his brain which was suddenly void of any jokes, then he remembered on Schmidt had told him years ago. "What did the shoes say to the pants…s'up britches!"

Jess moved her hands from her lap and wrapped her arms tightly around her, Nick smiled, he could tell he was getting to her.

"Here's a classic. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?" he said barely pausing before delivering the punch line. "Frosted flakes!"

Jess let out a little sigh; she was biting the inside of her cheeks so hard trying not to smile.

Then Nick remembered a joke he'd been told recently and had declared it to be the worst joke of all time. He cleared his throat, "Why are pirates called pirates…because they arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrre!" he said doing the full on pirate growl.

Jess clutched her arms so tightly around her body, she had told Nick that joke a few weeks ago and he had been less than impressed. Jess however had laughed so hard she had barely been able to tell it properly. She gave her head a little shake, still she refused to crack.

Nick gave a small defeated sigh, he really though that one would have worked. "Ok maybe I'm not so good at jokes. But what about this…"

Jess jumped back slightly in her seat as Nick moved dangerously close to her, pulling his face into all sorts of weird and strange expressions, hopping around like a madman making the most bizarre noises. Her mind flashed back to their 'weird-off' in the hallway a few weeks ago when they had all been fighting over that stupid parking spot. It seemed Nick had been holding back that day judging by all the odd things he was doing now just to try and make Jess speak to him, or at least laugh at his foolishness. He really did look like a total idiot, Jess couldn't help but let a small smile form on her face at his actions, she wondered if any people in the buildings around them could see what he was doing.

Slightly out of breath Nick stopped prancing around. "Nothing? Really? I'm running out of options here Jess."

Jess let the smile fall from her face and looked down at her feet, arms still clutched around her body.

"There's nothing I can do to get you to talk to me?" he asked, his voice had the slightest trace of worry creeping in.

"What if I started singing? Or dancing?" He asked really hoping she would finally give in and not force him to perform either humiliating task.

Still Jess said nothing.

"What if I kissed you right now?" he asked simply.

Jess instantly snapped her eyes from the floor to his, they were dark and intense. Nick's first thought that she was giving him a warning, as if to say don't even think about it Miller but as he stared back it saw something else in her eyes, something Jess wanted to hide, almost as if she was daring him to do it.

Nick felt his chest tighten, he didn't know what had made it say it; he was sure he had meant to say it in his head but somehow it had come out. Maybe he said it because he knew at least it would get a reaction from Jess. The longer he looked at her the more he wondered if he should just do it, grab her by the arms pull her up to him and kiss her. She sure as hell would have something to say then. And by god did Nick want to kiss her. But as more time passed between them the moment seemed to slip away, eventually Jess turned away from his gaze, her eyes firmly fixed once more on the floor.

Cursing himself he turned away and walked towards the edge of the rooftop, leaning against the concrete ledge staring out at the sky. Nick let his arms fall to his side, that was it, that was his moment and he had blown it. Why did Nick have to overthink everything? Why couldn't he just go for what he wanted? He thought back to the night he first kissed Jess in the hallway, he hadn't thought about it all, she was there and he wanted her so he went for it and it had been amazing. Stupid, reckless and potentially catastrophic for their friendship but amazing. Maybe that's what he needed to do now, something stupid.

Nick gripped tightly at the ledge of the roof, don't think about it Miller, he told himself before he heaved his body upwards so he was standing on the ledge.

Jess jumped up immediately from where she sat at his actions, her eyes wide and full of fear. "Nick! What the hell are you doing? Get down from there!" she yelled.

"Ah she speaks." Nick said shooting a grin over his shoulder.

Jess rolled her eyes, "Get down!"

"No." he said firmly.

"For god's sake Miller this is stupid!" she yelled.

"Exactly." Nick said looking back out at the sky, then his eyes looked down and he realised how high up he was.

"Whoah." He said hopefully low enough that Jess didn't hear the fear in his voice. He felt his body sway slightly in the night breeze, he felt a little light headed. Maybe this hadn't been such a genius move after all.

Jess felt panic rush through her as she watched Nick sway; instinctively she reached out for him. "Nick seriously, get down from there…please…" she said unable to hide the emotion from her voice.

Nick was spurred from the concerned in her voice. "Not until you speak to me." He said.

"What the hell I am doing now, interpretative dance?" Jess snapped back. "Now get down before you hurt yourself!"

Nick shook his head. "You know what I mean Jessica. We have to talk about this."

Jess glared up at him, folding her arms obstinately.

But Nick would not give up. "I meant what I said Jess, I'm not letting it end like this."

Jess uncrossed her arms and flung them to her sides angrily, "Fine, whatever we can talk. Just get your ass off that ledge!"

"Ok." Nick said with a triumphant grin.

Slowly he turned on the spot and carefully climbed back down to the rooftop. He brushed the dirty off his hands and turned to Jess, smiling at her but was suddenly struck in the face by one of the numerous cushions Schmidt and Winston had scattered around the rooftop.

"Ow Jess what the hell?" Nick asked rubbing his nose, despite the fact she had hit him with such a soft object the force and violence of her action still caused his nose to throb.

But Jess didn't answer she just hit him again and again and again, in the face, the stomach, the arm she just kept on attacking him.

"What…were you…you _idiot…_" she said through ragged and enraged breath. "…that is the most …moronic…dangerous…"

Nick grabbed the cushion from her hands and held up his hands in defeat. "Ok, ok I'm sorry but I had to get you to talk to me somehow." He said unable not to smirk. "Nice to know you care so much."

Jess didn't answer she just glared at him, her face scrunched up in anger; silently she sat back down on the sun-lounger and looked up at him expectantly.

Nick tossed the cushion back alongside the many others and lent back against the ledge, an awkward silence suddenly coming between them. Nick felt his triumphant feeling fade, he had been so focused on getting Jess to actually speak to him again he hadn't thought about what he would say if she did.

Jess too sensed his lack of preparation, "Come on Miller you wanted to talk, so talk."

Nick kept his eyes locked with hers but said nothing.

Jess let out an annoyed scoff, "Seriously Nick, after all that…nothing? Why am I even surprised." she shook her head and stood up. She knew there was nowhere really to go, they were stuck up here until the others decided to let them back in but she just needed to get away from him.

"Jess…" he said quietly leaning forward from the wall. "I'm sorry…wait…please"

Jess shook her head and sat back down, unable to refuse him when he sounded so desperate.

Nick took a deep breath, here goes nothing, he thought. "I'm sorry for so much lately…but last night, what happened, what I said…I'm sorry."

"I know." Jess replied simply.

"I didn't mean it." Nick said.

"I know." Jess said again.

"You can't leave Jess." He said his eyes fixed on her.

Jess threw up her arms up, "Nick do you think I wanna leave? You know how much I love living here with you guys…our freaky little dysfunctional family." She said with a small smile. "But I can't stay, not with the way things are…I can't handle it Nick."

"I know." He said.

"I can't live across the hall from you anymore, not knowing what the hell is going on in that head of yours. I can't worry that you're going to freak out every time I ask you to open a jar or call my cell…" she ranted.

"Jess I…" he began but Jess wasn't finished.

"I can't go through everyday not knowing if you're going to yell at me or kiss me Nick! It's not fair!" she said desperately.

"Dammit Jess, I get it ok? I know how bad I am all this!" Nick yelled.

"Then why do you do it? Why do you have to be such a grumpy mystery Miller?" She asked.

Nick looked at her a confused turtle face expression on his face, "Grumpy mystery?"

"Turtle face." Jess said not able stop herself.

Nick glared at her, he shook his head, now was not the time to start that argument again.

"Look Jess, I lied before…" he said, Jess looked up at him concerned. "It's not that I don't know how I feel cause I do…" he paused. "…but I've never been good at saying what's going on in my head, and in…here." He said pointing at his chest.

"But it's me Nick…Jess." She said softly.

_My Jess, _Nick said in his head.

Nick nodded, "I know Jess, I'm tryin'."

Jess nodded her head softly, she knew how hard this was for him, to open himself up to her and as much as she wanted answers from him she knew this had to go at Nick's pace.

"Why didn't you talk to me after you got the cards Nick?" she asked gently.

Nick sighed, "I don't know Jess, I just…I read what you wrote and it messed with my head."

Jess felt a pang of guilt, thinking of how confused Nick must have been when he read them. "I know, I'm sorry. I don't know why it came into my head that night but it did."

Nick frowned slightly. "What you wrote Jess, about true friendship…"

Jess interrupted him. "When I wrote it I didn't mean this thing with us couldn't work because we're friends, I think…" she paused for a moment, be brave Jess, she told herself. "…I think maybe it could because we _are_ friends."

Nick gave her a half smile and Jess felt her heart pound in her chest and her courage grow stronger.

"And I meant it Nick, what I wrote, you're my best friend." She said smiling at him. "I've known CeCe all my life and I love her more than anything but…" She paused not sure how to say this. "…I've never had someone in my life who means as much to me as you do Nick. I guess I was just scared…"

Nick understood, "I know. I get that now; Big Bob explained it to me…"

Jess raised an eyebrow, "Big Bob reads French poetry? Didn't see that one coming."

Nick laughed, "Tip of the iceberg Jess."

Jess laughed loudly and Nick joined in, her laugh was infectious. It felt good; it felt like there was finally some lightness between them again.

Jess looked up at him, "When you got the cards, Schmidt said…Schmidt told me you spoke to Russell."

Nick sighed heavily. Jess was looking at him expectantly, there was no point lying to her anymore. "He said we reminded of him and his ex-wife."

"Oh." Jess said understanding his meaning instantly, she knew better than anyone Russell's views on his failed relationship with Ouli, on relationships like theirs, he thought they were self-destructive and always ended in heartbreak, that there was no way to make them work. "You can't let him get in your head Nick."

"But he has a point Jess, look at us, look at everything that has happened over the past few months." Nick said, rubbing his hand against his forehead, "Two kisses, one disastrous date and an endless series of arguments. Hardly the stuff of great romance."

Jess scowled at him, she could feel her own anger rising, "Russell doesn't know anything about us Nick."

Nick was internally thrilled by Jess now referring to them as 'us' but it didn't change the facts. "Jess I…"

"No Nick shut up ok. Do you know why I broke up with Russell?" Jess asked.

Nick shrugged lightly; they had never really talked about the end of her relationship with Russell. It had come at a time one of Nick's life crises and cry for help in the form of his ill-fated reunion with Caroline. Things had been so tense between him and Jess when it looked like he was moving out that he hadn't really asked her about why she ended it, he had his suspicions but he didn't know for sure.

"What I had with Russell was good, it was nice…" she said.

Nick felt his body tighten at the mention of her former relationship. He tried to push the image of Russell's gigantic bed from his memory.

"But that's all it was. Russell was a perfectly nice guy and we had a good time together but it just wasn't…enough." She said quietly.

Nick scrunched up his face "What are ya saying Jess you don't want a guy who's nice to ya?"

"Shut up dummy, will you let me finish!" she snapped. Nick held his hands up apologetically. "What I was trying to say was I wanted more. Yes of course I want a guy who's nice and will take care of me but I also want somebody who drives me crazy, who challenges me, who makes me feel…" she said her voice trailing off.

"I get it Jess." Nick snapped a little harsher than he meant to. "But what about all the other stuff?"

"What other stuff?" Jess asked giving him a confused look.

"Yes. The other stuff." Nick grumbled.

"Repeating the exact same words doesn't explain anything Miller." Jess said rolling her eyes.

"Ya know, all the other stuff, the nice house, cars that actually work, a good job and money…security…" He said not letting his eyes meet hers.

Jess scrunched up her face, "When have I ever said I wanted that?"

Now Nick rolled his eyes at her, "C'mon Jess, all women want that eventually. They say they want a guy who makes them laugh or keeps them on their toes or whatever crap those chick magazines say but at the end of the day women want a man who is successful and can look after them." Or at least himself, angry Nick added in his head.

Jess narrowed her eyes at him, "Are you calling me a goldigger again Nick?"

"What? No, no I…god I didn't mean…" Nick fumbled over his words. "That's not what I meant Jess but you just said it yourself, you want a guy who can take care of you."

Jess glared at him, was he really this stupid? "I didn't mean like a freaking Stepford Bride you moron! I want someone who will always be there for me, listen to me, help me, support me…and not financially." She growled darkly.

"Oh." Was all Nick could muster right now.

"Is that what you really think of me Nick?" Jess asked, the hurt etched on her delicate face.

Nick stared at her, "No Jess I know you're not one of _those_ girls but look at the guys you've dated. Paul, the teacher, Russell, superrich fancyman, and of course Doctor freaking Sam…"

"So?" Jess asked.

"They're all professional put together guys Jess, not living pay check to pay check in some crappy job with no prospects." Nick said sadly. "You said it yourself Jess, you were more attracted to me when you thought I was trying to do better for myself."

Jess closed her eyes, thinking back to a few weeks ago to their heated words following Guys Night at the bar. When she had admitted she wanted him, that she had found it attractive to see Nick trying so hard at something. She remembered their angry words and barbs before they fell into one another again, her body hummed at the memory of Nick's lips devouring hers. It felt like a lifetime ago given all that had happened since.

"I didn't mean it like that Nick, I wasn't more attracted to you because I thought you were suddenly on your way to becoming a billionaire barmen…" she said.

"No such thing." Nick muttered.

Jess ignored him, "…but because of how excited and interested you seemed in it all." She paused for a moment. "Obviously now I know that it was the new management that providing you with the extra motivation…"

"Jess…" Nick said, he really did not want the topic of Shane to make a return tonight.

Jess shook her head, "No forget it, that's not important. What I'm trying to say is I don't care what you do Nick, if you want to be a bartender or write a zombie novel, become the next Donald Trump or sell freaking fruit by the side of the road I don't care!" She yelled loudly. "It doesn't matter I'm still attracted to you…I'm always attracted to you." She added before she could stop herself.

Nick couldn't help but let a satisfied grin appear on his face at her words. He knew she was right, Jess wasn't the type of girl who cared what a guy did or how much money he made, it was such a cliché but Jess only cared about what was on the inside of a person. And that was what scared Nick most, he could get a better job, he could make more money but he couldn't change who he was.

"Jess it's not just about money or jobs or whatever, I'm pretty messed up." He said his voice full of anguish. "Taking my professional failings aside, I'm an emotionally damaged man child with a seriously disastrous romantic history, a severe anger problem (or so I've been told) and now a bucket of unresolved father issues."

"Nick…" Jess said softly.

She hated it when he spoke about himself like this, so dark and ashamed of himself. She hated how he only saw the bad in himself, not that the bad parts were even so bad really, sure Nick had his issues but so what? Everyone had baggage, everyone had fears but Nick let his drag him down, made him think he wasn't good enough for anything.

"I'm a mess." He said matter-of-factly.

Jess snapped, springing up from where she sat in anger. "For god's sake Nick would you just stop with the self-deprecating crap?"

"I'm not good enough for you Jess." He replied.

"Dammit Nick stop putting me up on some freaking pedestal!" She yelled. "Don't you think I have fears?"

Nick stared at her in confusion, "What are you talking about?"

"Excluding your skanky ass boss…"Jess said bitterly. "Let's take to look at the women you've been with Miller. Angie, the crazy hot stripper, Julia, the super successful lawyer and Caroline, the freaking love of your life, who literally turned your whole world upside down!" she yelled. "And let's not forget the never ending stream of twenty year olds you paraded through here last year Nick!"

Nick shifted uncomfortably where he stood as Jess continued to yell at him.

Finally Jess let out an overwhelmed sigh, "Don't you think I get scared Nick, compared to all the girls you've been with? Don't you think I worry that I might not be enough?"

Nick stared at her, eyes dark and narrow, jaw clenched painfully tight as he struggled to process what she had said. How could Jess compare herself to those girls, to anybody at all? Didn't she see how unbelievably amazing and incredible she was? Damn right he put her up on a pedestal that was where she belonged. How could she even imagine that she wasn't enough for him? The idea was downright ludicrous. Nick could feel his anger returning, building in him once more, Jess sensed the shift in him.

She eyed him nervously, "Err Nick are you alright? You kinda look like a turtle that's about to explode."

Nick gritted his teeth even harder, balling his hands into tight fists at his sides. "I'm fine." He growled through clenched teeth. "I'm just finding it hard not to yell at you right now."

"What the hell for?" Jess asked indignantly.

"For all that ridiculous crap you just said." He snarled, shaking his head. "How…I mean you…don't you ever say that stuff again ya hear me? Don't you _ever_ compare yourself to anyone Jess!"

Jess stared at him in shock, unable to stop a small laugh escape her lips, "Excuse me would Mr. Pot like to meet Mr. Kettle?"

"I'm serious Jessica." Nick snapped back.

Jess was taken aback, "Are you really mad at me right now?"

"Yes."

Jess shook her head, her own feelings of fury rushing over, "So you can say those horrible negative things about yourself, which aren't true by the way, but I can't?"

"That's right." Nick answered simply, moving away from the hard wall.

"That's ridiculous Nick." Jess snapped, waving her arms in the air.

"I don't care. You're nothing like those girls Jess!" Nick said his voice becoming louder and louder the more Jess refused to see his point.

"Nick…" Jess began hoping to reason with him, so him how ridiculously he was being.

"No Jess I mean it." he said near yelling at her now, still moving closer towards her. "You're nothing like them, you're nothing like anyone…you're…you're you!"

"Ad what the hell does that mean?" Jess asked also now yelling.

"It means what it means Jess!" Nick roared.

"You're an idiot!" she shrieked back at him.

"Probably!" Nick continued. "But it doesn't make me any less right!"

"Argh god you drive me crazy Miller!" Jess yelled balling her hands into tight fists.

"Backatcha Day!"

"Fine!" Jess yelled.

"Fine!" Nick shouted in response, he was closer to her now.

"Why are you still yelling at me?" Jess roared as his face neared hers.

"I don't know but I can't stop!" Nick yelled back.

They stared at each other, chests heaving and breaths heavy, both beyond angry with the other. Jess shook her head in disbelief, here they were back to square one.

She collapsed back onto the edge of the sun-loungers, "God why does it always end like this with us?"

With a downhearted sigh Nick sat beside her, "The screaming and the yelling? I don't know Jess, I guess we never do things the easy way."

"No sir." She said with a small laugh.

"I mean look at our _'date'._" Nick said still slightly bewildered by just what a total failure it had been.

"I think you mean dates." Jess corrected him, chuckling at the absurd memory.

"Right." Nick said simply. "That really wasn't how I wanted the night to go."

"I know." Jess said looking down at her feet.

"Why is everything so hard?" Nick asked.

Jess didn't answer but gave a small shrug of her shoulders; her eyes still glued downwards her mind racing.

After a moment she spoke, "Do you ever wonder what it would be like if we didn't already know each other, if we weren't roommates?"

"What do you mean?" Nick asked turning to her.

Jess looked to him, resting her hands on her knees, "Like what if we met in a bar or were set up, maybe it would be easier?"

"Maybe." Nick said thoughtfully, her words turning over and over in his mind. "Ya know what, let's do it."

"Do what?" Jess asked.

Nick stood up and looked down at Jess confidently, "Let's go on a date."

"Now? Here?" she asked, unconvinced this was a good idea.

Nick nodded and put his hand out to her, "What do you say Day, you up for it?"

Jess grinned and took his hand, "Bring it on Miller."


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: So here is the third and final part of Nick and Jess's rooftop date! Close to the end now, only got one more chapter to go, sort of an epilogue to tie the whole thing together. I'm going to do my best to get it up today before the finale. Wish me luck lol :-/**

* * *

Nick placed his hand in the small of Jess back and led her silently over to the table, to _Schmidt's _makeshift rooftop bistro. Nick acted the role of the perfect gentleman, pulling out her chair for and pouring her a glass of champagne. They had been up here for so long the ice had melted long ago leaving their glasses floating in icy cold water, which Nick accidentally flicked all over Jess.

"God, sorry!" he said as she shrieked from the coldness. Great start Miller.

"It's fine." She said brushing, dabbing her face with her napkin. "So what's for dinner? I'm starving."

Nick smiled apologetically again and headed over to the large metal food trays from before, opening the lid off the first which had earlier held Schmidt's culinary masterpieces but now seemed to hold plates of congealed mush. Fine dining it seemed did not like to wait for people to have intense life changing conversations; it wanted to be eaten right away. With a little shudder Nick replaced the metal lid and moved swiftly to the third food tray, thankful his 'heathen food' had fared better in the wait, he loaded two plates up with a mixture of deep fried treats and headed back to Jess.

"Sorry." He said setting the plates in the middle of the table, the piles of ribs, friend chicken and Mexican food looked so out of place amongst the backdrop of Schmidt and Winston's extravagant rooftop setup. "Schmidt's fancy food didn't seem to hold up; this is all that was left."

Nick gave Jess another apologetic look but saw that she wasn't even looking at him; her eyes were glued to the plates of food before her, assessing it hungrily.

"Are you kidding me?" she said actually licking her lips. "This all looks sooooooo good!"

Nick smiled and sat down opposite her, picking his glass up, "You sure you wouldn't have preferred the other stuff?"

Jess shook her head dismissively, "Not really my thing. I'd much rather munch down on a big chunk of meat any day of the week!"

Nick nearly spat his champagne out at Jess's words; her eyes went wide immediately as she heard what she said, her cheeks flashed crimson. How did she always end up making the most normal and unsexy things sound so inappropriate?

Nick grinned and edged one of the plates towards her, "Here I got extra chicken wings for you."

Jess smiled at his thoughtfulness and reached out for one of the wings but as soon as she picked it up she shook her head and threw it back down, a little too forcefully though as it bounced and nearly hit Nick in the face.

"Jess what the hell?" he said looking at her, his face scrunched up.

"No, no, no you're not supposed to get me extra chicken wings because you're not supposed to _know_ I like chicken wings." She said in her usual Jess tone. "We're not supposed to know each other remember?"

Nick rolled his eyes, "Jess I know what we said but I…"

"No, if we're gunna do this again then we're gunna do it right." Jess jumped up out of her seat. "Come on Nick get up."

"Seriously Jess? Do you remember last time when we started the date over, how well that turned out?" Nick asked.

But Jess ignored his words, instead she grabbed at his arm pulling him upwards. "C'mon Nicholas, up!"

"Eurgh." Nick said dragging himself to his feet. They both stood next to the table Nick threw his hands in the air. "What now Jess?"

"Now we meet each other for the first time…" she said excitedly.

Nick rolled his eyes. "Seriously?"

"Yes seriously. Right Nick you go stand over there…" she said pointing a little further away from the table. "Pretend you're outside the restaurant waiting for me, your blind date…"

Nick shook his head at her, "Jess no way, this is crazy."

She shot him a hurt look, "Hey this was your idea Nick."

"I just wanted to have dinner with ya Jess, I didn't realise we would be putting on for a show for the creepy roof cat." Nick growled pointing to the top of the roof doorway where the feral looking cat that terrified Schmidt so much sat perched in its nest, watching them.

Jess turned and gave the cat a little wave, "Oh hi Gladys."

"Gladys?" Nick asked. "How the hell do you know what that _thing_ is called?"

"Remy told me." Jess said moving closer to Nick. "It's his cat."

"What?" Nick yelled.

Jess shrugged.

Nick had to ask. "Why in the hell did he call it Gladys?"

"He named her after his ex-wife." Jess said simply.

"That's not at all creepy." Nick replied.

"Whatever Miller. Ok now I'm going to go over there and then walk over like I don't know you from Adam…" she said.

"Or Gladys." Nick muttered.

Jess glared at him, "Then we'll say our hello's and start it like it's a real blind date ok?"

Nick nodded with a resigned sigh, "Fine."

Jess beamed at him, "Great. This is going to be so much fun!" She squealed before skipping off.

"I highly doubt that." Nick said to himself, pulling his the hood of his hoodie up over his head.

A second later Jess was back at his side; she smiled brightly and put her hand out for him to shake it. "Hi I'm Jess." She said with a warm, friendly smile.

Man she is really going for this whole thing, Nick thought to himself, and though he knew it would be a bad idea he couldn't help but mess with her. "Hi ya Jess, I'm Julius…Julius Pepperwood." He said letting his thick Chicago accent come through as he shook her hand.

Then he looked her up and down, taking in her appearance really for the first time tonight, Jess was wearing short black shorts , a pink and white polka dot t-shirt and pink pumps. "Jeez doll, aren't you a looker?"

Jess snatched her hand from his, completely uncaused by his joke. "Forget it Nick…" she turned to walk away but Nick grabbed her elbow.

"Jess wait I'm sorry ok. Let's start over." He said genuinely. He pulled his hood down and placed his hand out to her. "Hi Jess, I'm Nick."

Jess gave him a small smile and shook his hand lightly. "Nice to meet you Nick."

"You too." He said. He couldn't believe he was playing along with this silly charade, was there anything this woman couldn't get him to do?

They took their seats back at the table once more, Jess suggested they pretend to order their food and drinks from the imaginary waitress but this was a step too far for Nick. Instead they just ate the food already set before them as they continued with their little role play game. They made small talk for a little while, or more accurately Jess did, she commented on a nice place the 'restaurant' was, how good the food was whilst Nick just chuckled at her commitment to this whole thing.

"So Nick, what do you do?" Jess said reaching out for a handful of fries.

Nick raised his eyebrow at her as if to say_ really Jess?_

She shot him a dark glare in return that warned, _play along Miller._

Nick smirked, "I'm a bartender."

Jess smiled, nibbling at the sauce covered rib in her hands. "That's cool."

"Really Jess, if a 31 year old guy you met on a blind date told you he was just a bartender you'd be impressed?" Nick asked scoffing at her.

Jess glared at him, "Stop breaking character Nicholas."

"Well stop being an idiot Jess, I know you and there's no way you'd be happy if someone set you up with a bartender." He said grabbing his drink and taking a large swig.

Jess threw her food back down on her plate, narrowing her eyes at him, "Ok Nick fine you wanna play the truth game, no I wouldn't be impressed..." She said Nick opened his mouth to respond but she cut him off;

"…If I met a guy who said _'I'm just a bartender'…" _she said in a depressed and gloomy voice scrunching her face up clearly impersonating Nick. "But if I met a guy who say _'hey I'm a bartender it's pretty fun but I also write zombie novels'_ I'd be like wow this guy seems really awesome."

Nick nodded at her words.

"Now stop putting yourself down Nick and get back in character." She hissed.

"Ok, so I'm not Nick but I am Nick?" he asked teasingly.

Jess rolled her eyes, "You're not you Nick, you're blind date Nick!"

"Ok, ok." He said giving in. "What do you do Jess?"

"I'm a teacher." She said smiling sweetly, happy to return to their pretend world for a while.

"What do you teach?" Nick asked picking at some chicken wings on his plate.

"Right now I'm teaching an adult creative writing class, its good but I love teaching kids…it's just…" she said her voice falling slightly sad. "I really hope I get another job at a school soon."

Nick leant forward, "Hey Jess c'mon of course you will, you're an amazing teacher."

Jess smiled and rolled her eyes again, "And how do you know that? You just met me remember"

Nick laughed at her; even now she couldn't let the smallest detail go. "Fine, you _seem_ like you would be an amazing teacher."

"Thanks." She said smiling brightly as Nick re-filled their glasses. "Are you trying to get me drunk Nick?"

Nick laughed, "Is that a problem err…so sorry, I suck at names, Jess was it?"

Jess stuck her tongue out at him. "Not for me but you probably wanna watch out for my roommates, they're pretty protective guys." She said teasingly.

Nick raised an eyebrow as he placed the near empty bottle back in the bucket of water, "You live with guys?"

Jess nodded, "Yep, three of them."

"And you're the only girl?" he asked.

Jess nodded again sipping her champagne.

"Interesting. Don't you find it hard, a single woman living with three men?" Nick teased.

Jess waved her hand dismissively, "No it's cool, I'm pretty sure they're all gay. They're like a big three-way couple."

Nick choked on his champagne at her words. He glared at her across the table, not letting the mischievous glint in her eyes soften his annoyance. "Not funny Jess."

Jess let out an endearing giggle and Nick felt his anger ebb away. "Ok, ok I'm sorry." She said trying to stop herself from smirking at him.

"No honestly they're really good guys, they look out for me." She said with such genuine warmth in her voice.

Nick smiled, "Tell me about them."

"Ok, well there's Winston, he used to play basketball and now works in talk radio. He's a real sweetheart but with a little edge to him. And then there's Schmidt…" Jess paused, how would she describe Schmidt to someone she had never met. "…he's a real one of a kind."

Nick laughed, "And the third guy? What's he like?"

"Well…" Jess smiled at his words, leaning a little closer across the table, "…he's pretty lazy, he's super grumpy and beyond cheap…he thinks he's like this real inventive handyman guy but actually doesn't fix anything…"

"Hey." Nick said, his face falling into a sad turtle expression.

"_But_…" she said. "…he's pretty funny…" she said and Nick grinned. "…or at least thinks he is…he does pretty much anything to make me smile…" she added. "He's always there when I need him…he's pretty awesome."

Nick was grinning like a Cheshire cat. "Is he hot?"

Jess shook her head in disbelief at his silly shallow question but knew he was trying to keep the mood light between them. Jess sipped her champagne, keeping her eyes on his. "Smoking hot."

Nick's grin grew even wider, he lent back in his chair quite pleased with himself.

Jess set her glass back on the table, "What about you Nick, do you have any roommates?"

Nick nodded, still smiling broadly, "Yeah it's weird I have two that sound a lot like yours, total idiots…" Jess laughed at his referral to Schmidt and Winston. "We've all lived together for years but a couple of years ago this chick moved in…"

"This chick?" Jess asked in indignation.

Nick grinned and nodded, "Yeah she's so annoying, a real little miss know it all. She can be real bossy sometimes and she yells a lot. She's always skipping around singing songs and sticking her nose in people's business. She can be a real pain in the ass."

Jess scowled at him, "Wow she sounds terrible. So is there nothing you like about her?"

Nick shrugged, "She makes pretty good cookies."

"Nick!" Jess yelled.

Nick chuckled lowly at how annoyed she was, "I'm joking, she makes good cupcakes too!"

Jess grabbed a handful of chicken wings and launched them across the table at Nick.

Nick ducked, "Hey! Jessica Day is that how you would behave if you were in a restaurant?"

Jess scowled at him, "Maybe, if my date was acting like a total jerk."

Again Nick could not help but snigger, "Jess if this was a real blind-date would you really expect me to sit here going on and on about my crazy hot girl roommate all night? About how amazing and smart and beautiful she is? About how crazy it makes me to be around her? About how I can't stop thinking about her every minute of every day?"

Jess felt her anger fade at his typical Nick Miller roundabout way of saying how he felt, she felt her cheeks blush at his words. "No you're right Nick; I wouldn't want to hear that." She said with a cheeky smirk.

Nick smiled, "Exactly. I'm just doing what you told me, ya know staying in character and all that."

Jess raised her glass to him in praise, "Here's to your acting skills then."

Nick clinked his champagne glass with hers, "So what about family? You got any brothers or sisters?"

Jess shook her head, "Nope, only child over here. My parents got divorced when I was seven. Cue the lifelong quest for love and a happy ending." She added with a nervous laugh, maybe she should ease up on the champagne. "What about you?"

Nick laughed, breezing over her comment for which Jess was so thankful. "Me? I'm come from one of those ridiculously big crazy families; you know the ones where there are so many different guys named Joe that ya have to keep coming up with nicknames to tell who you're talking about. Like Big Joe, Little Joe or Joe with the glass eye."

Jess laughed. "Must be nice to have such a big family."

"Sometimes." Nick said with a shrug. "My brothers are all pains in the ass, especially Jamie he's a real…what's the word…idiot." Jess laughed again. "My ma, she's a diamond, a real special woman, been through a hell of a lot…" Nick felt his voice fall serious. "And my dad…"

Jess felt a sudden horrible rush of realisation burst through her champagne hazed mind, how could she have been so insensitive. "Nick…"

Nick scratched his head, "Well my dad, he was a hell of a guy but he's gone now…he passed a couple of weeks ago." He said sadly letting his hand fall to the table.

Jess felt her eyes brimming with tears, she felt so bad that she had brought it all up again for Nick, she wasn't thinking properly. "Nick I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have…"

Nick shook his head, "Don't worry about it Jess, you didn't know, we just met remember." He said giving her a soft smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

Jess knew Nick was still thinking about his father, his face had grown saddened and troubled. Jess didn't say another word, she reached her hand out across the table, taking his hand in hers, their fingers entwining together. Nick was pulled back to the moment by her gentle action; he looked down at their joined hands and smiled, lightly rubbing his thumb against hers. They sat like that for a while, not speaking, their hands still tangled together.

Eventually Nick broke the quiet, not moving his hand from Jess's. "So, what now?"

Jess smiled up at him and gave a little shrug, "What would blind date Nick do next?"

Nick smiled, "Well after paying for the meal and leaving a generous tip of course, he would whisk blind date Jess off for the next part of their night."

"Which is?" Jess asked giving his hand a little tug.

"I have no idea." Nick said with a laugh.

Jess stood up and pulled Nick with her, he liked how neither of them wanted to be the one to break apart their hold.

"Come on Casanova." She said pulling him away from the table towards the open middle space of the roof. Jess surveyed the set up Winston and Schmidt had created for them, her blue eyes suddenly shone with excitement. "We could go dancing!"

Nick felt his face scrunch up at her suggestion. "Jess I don't…"

But Jess was already dragging him over towards Winston's bar area; ignoring the fact they walked across a sea of scattered condoms to where the speakers had earlier that night blasted their inappropriate songs. Jess broke her hand from Nick's as she began hurriedly searching for a stereo or remote or something that could give them music, muttering to herself.

"Jess I don't think you can turn it on from here, Schmidt was doing it from his phone before." Nick said unable to hide the relief from his voice.

Jess turned back to him clearly disappointed. "Dammit." She said. "You don't have to look so happy about it Nick."

Nick knew she was upset, he knew how much she loved to dance. "I'm sorry Jess but it doesn't matter if I'm being real Nick or blind-date Nick, I don't dance."

Jess let out an annoyed huff, "Well what are we going to do then? Honestly Nick what would you do if this was a real date?"

Nick paused for a moment thinking, the truth was he was ever lucky enough to be set up on a blind-date with a girl like Jess and she still wanted to be around him after the dinner was over he'd probably be running up and down the streets screaming with happiness. He felt however that would not be the best move right now.

He thought back through all the years of previous Nick Miller dates and he struggled to recall any set of real planned out 'moves' he had. The shocking reality was he hadn't really been on a real date in years, lately he usually met girls at the bar, they would flirt, exchange numbers and would meet to hook up. As he said before romance was not Nick Miller's forte. But then Nick thought back a little further, to when he was younger, less cynical and distrustful of the whole idea of love. When he used to make girl's terrible mixed tapes and write them even worse songs, when he would plan romantic walks or midnight picnics to look at the stars.

Nick shuffled nervously on the spot; he felt Jess eyes on him, waiting. "I dunno maybe like go for a walk or something…" he mumbled. "Forget it, it's stupid up here I mean we can't…"

But Jess didn't let him finish his sentence; she reached out and grabbed his hand once more. "Of course we can, I think a walk is a great idea."

Jess pulled him by the arm, trying to pull his body level to hers. Nick suddenly realised how ridiculous this was, what were they going to do laps of the roof? "Jess this is stupid, we're not walking around here like prisoners out for our hour of yard time!"

Jess dropped her hand from Nick's and turned to him, her face was no longer bright and smiling, she looked anxious and wounded. "Well I don't know what else to do Nick? I don't want this to end…"

"What?" Nick asked quietly, moving closer to her.

Jess shot a look down at the floor, she could feel the tears coming, she could feel the lump in her throat.

Nick was standing so close to her now. "Jess, please…"

Jess forced her eyes to look up and meet his, "I don't want this to be over Nick, cause when it is we have to go back to the way things were before. Blind-date Nick and Jess are fun, there's no drama, no baggage, no complications, it's so easy. But once the dates over…" she said unable to stop the small sob from her lips.

Nick knew what she meant, the last hour had been so light and carefree and well fun between them, it was as if none of the other stuff had ever happened, like it didn't matter.

"But real Nick and Jess, well they're just a mess." She said, tears beginning to slowly fall down her cheeks. "It's not just you Nick; I'm as much as a mess as you…maybe even more!"

"Jess you're not…" he said shaking his head.

"No Nick look at me over these past two years, I've had a string of failed relationships, I lost my job, I've got no savings or anything to show for myself…I think after Spencer I just felt so lost, like I didn't even know who I was anymore…I mean I moved in with total strangers I met on Craigslist at the drop of a hat! Who does that?" she said.

Nick smiled at her words.

"And just when it seemed I was starting to get it all together, boom, I had to go and fall for one of them!" she said almost to herself, as if she had forgotten Nick was even still there.

Nick felt as though his heart was about to explode right out of his chest, did she really just say that? That she had _fallen _for him?

"You fell for one of them?" Nick asked unable not to. He still couldn't believe it.

Jess let out a small giggle, "It's time you knew the truth Nick…I'm in love with Winston."

Nick rolled his eyes at her badly timed joke and edged closer to her. "Jess…"

Jess shook her head, "Look I don't know Nick, I don't know what this is…or what it could be but I think Russell was right, I think we could be really something." she said her voice becoming shaky.

Nick stepped forward closer to her so now their bodies were flush against one another. Jess felt her breath become caught in her throat as Nick encircled her waist with one arm as the other slowly traced up her side before cupping her face in his hand. Nick tilted her head back gently, his brown eyes looking down at her penetratingly and then suddenly Jess felt her mind go hazy as his lips were on hers. She could taste him on her lips, a mixture of the food and drink they had just shared and his palpable Nick Miller taste. His arms pulled her closer and crushed her body against his, Jess felt herself melt into his arms, grateful Nick was holding onto her so tightly or she'd surely end up falling to the floor right now. She always thought it was a silly expression that a kiss could make your knees turn to jelly but right now Jessica Day would swear to all and sundry that Nick Miller's kisses in fact could do that to a woman.

Nick broke his lips from hers; both of them breathing unevenly, Nick rested his head against hers for a moment.

Still struggling to catch her breath and find her feet Jess murmurs, "Is this blind-date or real Nick and Jess?" she murmured as Nick delicately stroked his hand against her hot cheek.

"I don't care." He growled and then he's kissing her again. Only this time harder and rougher, he slipped his tongue into her mouth, brushing against her bottom lip causing Jess to moan against him, her hands instinctively wrapped tightly around his neck, drawing her to him.

Neither of them even realised that they were moving, stumbling blindly across the rooftop, they were so completely consumed in one another. Nick moved his kisses across her face, down her jaw and neckline to her collarbone and Jess let out a husky sigh above him, unable to stop her hands from reaching for his head, scratching at his scalp. It suddenly takes Jess a moment to register that Nick is no longer holding her upright as they stood but in fact he was now lying on top of her, pushing her body down against something soft and silky, his hands roaming all over her body. Jess opened her eyes for the briefest of moments to confirm they had indeed landed on Schmidt and Winston's satin covered makeshift bed, she grinned noting how they had followed the trail of rose petals without even realising.

Jess could feel the heat vibrating off Nick's body, she felt his intense need and desperation for her as she felt the exact same desire flooding through her own body, she was burning for him.

Jess clawed at Nick's chest, his fingers fumbling clumsily with the zipper of his hoodie; she got it undone quickly and pulled it off Nick's body, revealing his dark green sleep shirt. Immediately Jess reached her hands up underneath his shirt, her soft hands scratching at the hot skin of his stomach then moving upwards to his heaving chest. Jess curled her fingers against the soft hair smattered across his chest, loving the feel of it beneath her hands as Nick returned his lips to hers, kissing her deeply.

Nick raked his hand roughly down the side of her body, squeezing her hip tightly before gradually moving down across her thighs, Jess mewled against his mouth at his actions. Nick traced his hands over the soft supple exposed skin of the inside her upper thighs, his fingers skimming under the hem of her barely-there shorts. Jess could feel Nick's hardness pressing against her leg, she felt her own desire intensify at the sensation, the heat and want between her legs mounting combined with his lips and hands on her body. She wanted to touch him, she needed to touch him. She reached out hurriedly for the waistband of his sleep pants just as she had with is hoodie; hooking her fingers inside and moved to tug them down when she felt Nick's hands encircle her wrists in a vice like grip.

Jess looked up at Nick from confused and lust-filled hooded eyes, why was he stopping her? She knew he wanted this as much as she did.

"Nick…" she asked breathlessly. "What…"

Nick could see the confusion and worry on her face, questioning him. Nick sat himself upright, his body stiff and taut, whirring with his fiery desire for Jess. He wanted her; he wanted her so bad it actually hurt, it scared him and despite the fact she was lying here with him now, ready to give herself to him Nick was more terrified than ever.

Suddenly he heard Russell's voice from only a few days echo in his head, '_You're scared Nick…that she will feel exactly the same way and then you will have nothing stopping you from finally having everything you want and then all you have left is the fear you will lose it all.' _

He scraped a hand down his tired face and let out a small pained groan. Why couldn't he get out of his own head?

Jess pulled her body up so she was sat beside him; slowly Jess reached out and placed her hand on Nick's leg, not in a seductive type way but more in comfort, of reassurance.

"Nick…" she called softly to him. "Talk to me."

Nick turned to her instantly, "I don't know what this either Jess but I think you're right, I think it could be really something…something completely amazing." He said in a low voice.

He reached out and took her tiny hand in his. "And I'm completely terrified that I'm going to do something stupid and screw it all up…but I wanna try Jess, I really do…cause I…"

Jess felt her breath hitch in her throat, her heart pound in her chest. She looked up at Nick, her big blue eyes filled with hope and as she looked into his she saw all his fears, his worries, his ridiculous belief that he wasn't good enough for her, that he never would be. Jess felt her heart ache at the sight of the broken and terrified man before her.

Nick took a deep breath. "I…" You can do this Miller, the voice in his head cried out, just tell her.

"Cause I…I lo…" he began but never finished as he felt Jess press her lips softly to his, kissing him deep and slow and sensual. Nick wasn't sure why she had stopped him; instead he let himself get lost in her kiss.

Jess broke her lips from his, their faces resting close to one another's, breath hard and hot.

"I know." She whispered softly, nudging her nose across his face.

And Jess did know, she knew Nick loved her, if she was honest she had known for some time but she also knew he wasn't ready to say it. Not because he didn't feel it or didn't mean it but because she knew he was still afraid, afraid of her, of himself, of this crazy thing happening between them. She knew this because she felt the same way. As much as she wanted to hear that word fall from Nick's lips she didn't want him to feel pushed or forced, she didn't want him to say it because he was scared he could lose her. And though she might not admit it, there was also a part of her that was scared to hear it, once it was out there, once they said _that_ then there really was no going back.

Nick stared at her for a moment, trying to read the expression on her face. She lent up and kissed him again, this time her lips just softly brushing his. "Me too." She whispered.

Nick understood and gave her a small nod, kissing the top of her forehead as he pulled her close to him.

She knew he loved her and he knew she loved him, she knew they would say it eventually (sooner rather than later she imagined) but for now knowing was enough.


	13. Epilogue

**A/N: Ok guys so here's the last chapter. This one is set a year after chapter 12. I wasn't sure how I wanted it all to end and I may have taken a few snippets from the episodes set after First Date for inspiration lol **

**I still can't believe this story started out as just a one-shot idea, I never thought it would become anything like this so thank you for all your amazing support in keeping me going writing it. It has become a really special story to me now.**

* * *

1 Year Later.

Nick nervously reached out for his glass of whiskey, hoping the warmth of the alcohol would help calm his nerves. He took a large gulp and nearly drained the glass in one go. Nope he still didn't feel any better. He adjusted the neck of his shirt collar, it felt too tight, he felt so hot, he could tell he was beginning to sweat. Lightly he used his large cotton napkin to dab the tell-tale beads of perspiration forming on his forehead.

_Pull yourself together Miller, _the angry voice in his head snapped. Nick nodded reassuringly to himself, he could do this, hell he'd been planning it long enough. Why the hell was he so nervous?

Then Nick looked up and saw the answer to his question gliding towards him through the crowded restaurant, Nick felt his heart begin to thump inside his chest. Jess eyes met his as she moved closer towards their table, her face set into a bright beaming smile (as it had been for the past year). She looked completely stunning, she was wearing the pink and red dress she knew Nick loved so much, he had practically ripped if off her the first time he saw her wearing it when she threw CeCe's bachelorette party last year. Her hair was straighter and a little more tame than usual but it still looked good.

It should do, Nick thought to himself, she had spent enough time on it before they came out tonight. Nick grinned as the memory of her mini-panic from earlier that day floated through his mind.

*_Flashback*_

_They were both lounging on the couch lazily, Nick watching the most fascinating documentary on sea-turtles whilst Jess stretched out, resting her feet across his lap as she marked a seemingly never ending pile of her students book reports. She was once again back teaching kids and being awesome at it, just like Nick knew she would be. _

_Jess tossed her pen down in frustration, "Arghhh! I cannot read anymore, my eyes are starting to actually blur… the words are all fuzzy." She said tugging her glasses off._

_Nick gave her feet a gentle squeeze before moving one hand gently further up her the inside of her leg. "Maybe you need to do something to relax…" _

_Jessica giggled, "Is sex your answer to everything Miller? Seriously this morning I said my back was sore so what did you suggest? Sex."_

_Nick shrugged, "Any good doctor would say the same. Sex is a great healer."_

"_I think you'll find that's time Nick." Jess teased._

"_Whatever. And be honest Jess, hot shower sex this morning totally made you forget about your back." He said with a grin, leaning down towards her._

_Jess laughed and pulled his head closer to hers, "True although I don't think Schmidt will be too pleased you used his brand new loofa."_

"_I really don't care about Schmidt right now." Nick growled before he smashed his lips to hers._

_As always with them things got very hot, very quickly, hands were everywhere, clothes were being practically ripped off._

"_Nick…do we have time?" Jess asked as Nick placed hot kisses against her neck._

"_Jess we're fine, the reservation's at eight…" He mumbled between kisses._

"_What?" Jess said pushing against his Jess. "I thought dinner was at nine?"_

_Nick shook his head, "No, eight." He went to move his mouth back to her skin but Jess held him back._

"_Oh my god I need to start getting ready…" She said jumping up, pushing Nick backwards._

"_Jess, you can't be serious, it's like…" he looked down at his watch. "Four thirty!"_

"_Exactly!" She said. "I'm already running late."_

_Nick grabbed her arm and pulled her back to him, "Jess we've got ages yet…" he murmured against her ear. "We can be quick…"_

"_Nick I…" she shook her head. "No, you had hot shower sex this morning mister that will have to do for now."_

_She hopped up and scrambled all her papers up hurriedly before skipping off in the direction of their, formally just hers, bedroom._

_Nick slumped back against the couch, defeated and unsatisfied. The turtle documentary didn't seem quite so fascinating now. Then suddenly Jess popped her head around the bedroom door, _

"_Well Miller are you coming or what?" she said grinning at him._

_Nick jumped up and ran towards their room, like a kid who had just been told he could have desert after all._

_*End Flashback_

Nick smiled not only at the memory of their heated sex that afternoon but at the fact that it had happened in the room they both now shared, in _their_ room. They had made the choice to share a room a couple of months ago, although it was really just a formality, they had only probably spent a handful of nights apart since that night on the roof Nick was still overjoyed when Jess asked if he wanted to cohabitate with her, officially.

Nick's mind was brought back to the present as he felt soft delicate fingers dance lightly across the hand line of his broad shoulders, cut so perfectly in his fitted suit. Jess fingers then brushed against the back of his neck before they gently traced across his beard clad face as she moved passed him.

Jess resumed her seat opposite Nick and grinned.

"What is it with you and this thing?" he asked as he rubbed his hands against the dark brown hair which adorned his face. Jess seemed to take any opportunity to touch it.

"I like it. I've always liked it when you grow a beard, it makes you look like a sexy bear…grrrr." She said looking at him darkly and doing her best generic animal growl, hand claws and all.

"Really Jess?" he scowled but could not help but smirk at her increased playfulness which he presumed was down to the entire bottle of pink wine she had drunk this evening. "Well I guess a bears better than a turtle."

Jess grinned, "Oh no Nick, you're still a turtle face, but now you're a fluffy turtle face."

Nick felt his face fall into that very expression at her words. "Don't call me fluffy Jess. Ever."

Jess eyed him mischievously, "Hit a _soft_ spot have I Miller?" she said unable to stop herself laughing at her own bad pun.

Nick rolled his eyes at her, "Hilarious Jessica. You know it's a good thing I love you."

Jess's blue eyes sparkled at his confession, as they did every single time Nick said those three words to her. She still got butterflies, every single time. Jess had been right, as usual, the words had come sooner rather than later. It had happened about three weeks following their night on the rooftop, at CeCe's wedding, or more accurately lack thereof.

_*Flashback*_

_The build-up to the wedding had been intense and stressful to say the least, and as the big day finally arrived things only seemed to go from bad to worse. Jess in her role as Maid of Honour had to deal with CeCe's last minute jitters, the return of Shivrang's ex-girlfriend Elaine as well as Schmidt and Winston's ridiculous, elaborate and downright dangerous attempts to derail the entire ceremony. On top of all of that Jess had to deal with her father's unexpected arrival and instant intense disapproval of her and Nick's relationship. _

_It had all just been too much for Jess to take and unfortunately she ended up taking it all out on the one person who didn't deserve it, Nick. In fact Nick had been doing his best to help Jess all day, to be there for her but unfortunately he was more like a fish out of water. Nick Miller wasn't really good at being a boyfriend…or whatever he was to Jess, in the weeks since the rooftop hostage situation they had still yet to fully have the 'labels' conversation. But Nick wanted to try to be better for Jess and he wanted to prove her dad wrong. He had taken every snarky comment, swallowed every angry swipe because he knew it wasn't really about him. She just needed someone to vent at and to be honest Nick didn't mind being her punching bag if he got to be around her all day._

_So when Schmidt and Winston had let him in on their ridiculously stupid badger plan Nick had jumped in to save the day and the wedding. Unfortunately it had all come crashing down around him, literally as he fell through the ceiling and right into the middle of the ceremony, leading to all hell breaking loose. Nick's accidental act of destruction caused something inside Jess to snap and she had dragged Nick out into the hallway furiously. _

_Their argument erupted like an explosion, neither of them held back, screaming and yelling all the hurtful things they knew the other feared so much. They didn't care that they were in one of the fanciest hotels in L.A. or that their friends, Jess dad and two hundred of CeCe's relatives were listening in the other room._

_This was just how it was between them, like they were the only two people in the word. Whether they were screaming each other's name in a fierce argument or screaming them in bed or even just walking down the street together, they got completely lost in one another._

_She yelled at him, he yelled at her._

_She yelled he was a reckless and stupid idiot who never thought things through._

_He yelled she never appreciated it when people tried to help her._

_She yelled he was an angry fool who only every made things worse._

_He yelled she was an annoying little know it all who wanted everything her own way._

_She yelled he was a mess._

_Nick's eyes narrowed at her final words, the yelling stopped immediately. He edged closer to her in the vast hallway._

"_That's what it's always gunna come down to isn't it?" he said lowly._

"_Nick…" she said, exhausted and stressed, she didn't have the energy to go through this all again right now._

"_No Jess, look me in the eye and tell me there isn't a part of you that thinks this is all a mistake? That I'm too much of a mess?" he asked, his eyes glaring at her, challenging her._

_Jess looked up into his desperate face and her heart screamed at him; no, he was wrong, this wasn't a mistake. That maybe yes sometimes he was a mess but he was __**her**__ mess and she loved him. But she didn't, she was so tired and angry right now that she didn't say anything at all. _

_Nick gave her a small nod of understanding and walked away._

_How Jess got through the rest of the wedding she would never know, she must have gone into Maid of Honour autopilot mode. Not that it mattered anyway; the wedding fell apart there and then. Shivrang left CeCe at the altar, reuniting with his true love Elaine. CeCe turned to Schmidt for comfort only to find he too had returned to his former college girlfriend, Elizabeth. Leaving CeCe alone and broken hearted on what was meant to be the happiest day of her life. Jess spent the hours following the failed nuptials desperately trying to comfort her best friend, deal with cancelling all the remaining wedding formalities and trying to stop a blood feud erupting between CeCe and Shivrang's families. The whole time Jess searched the crowd for Nick but there was no sign of him, he was gone._

_Later, after she had packed CeCe off home with her mother to comfort her, Jess stood alone outside the hotel, basking in the cold night air as she waited for the valet to bring her car around. She looked at the crumpled baled ticket in her hands, tears brimming in her eyes as she thought about Nick, how she had been the one to push him away, to ruin this. Maybe she really was the bigger mess after all._

"_Hey." A cool voice called from behind her._

_Jess turned to see Nick walking down the hotel steps, jacket clutched in hand, tie loose, shirt sleeves rolled up. His face was unmoving; his dark eyes gave nothing away._

_Jess let out a small sniff unable to hide her hurt, "I thought you left."_

"_I did." He said stepping down from the last step onto the sidewalk, standing firm in front of her. "But I came back."_

"_Why?" she asked, doing her best to choke back her tears._

"_Because I love you." Nick said simply._

_Jess felt her chest instantly tighten, her breath hitch in her throat, her heart hammer inside. She opened up her mouth to speak but was interrupted by a cheery voice beside them._

"_Your keys Miss." The valet guys said politely, holding the keys out to Jess._

_Jess just stared back at him as though he had spoken to her in another language. The valet continued to hold the keys out to her but still Jess didn't react. Nick gave the poor guy an apologetic smile, exchanging the keys for a folded up note from his pocket. The valet accepted gratefully and wished them both a goodnight as he opened the car door for Jess._

_Not speaking or looking at Jess, Nick started the car and headed for home. They drove in silence for a while before Jess was finally able to come to._

"_I'm sorry." She whispered turning to face him, her bright blue eyes shining even in the darkness of the front seat._

"_I know." Nick said not taking his eyes off the road, hands gripped at the steering wheel and his jaw was clenched tight._

_Jess took a small breath, her eyes still focused entirely on him. "I love you."_

"_I know." Nick replied once more, still not looking at her he slowly moved one hand from the steering wheel and reached out for hers._

_*End Flashback*_

It wasn't some big romantic declaration or perfect magical planned moment because life wasn't like that. Life was hard and messy and complicated and exciting and amazing and everything else all at once. And so were they.

That night after the wedding seemed to set the tone of their entire relationship. They never did have the 'labels' talk or define what they were, they both sucked at those talks anyway. They just took it, day by day, dealing with things as they came. One day, not long after the failed wedding they were out at a restaurant when Nick bumped into an old college buddy, automatically introducing Jess as his girlfriend. Jess did the same when Nick met her new colleagues at an office party. There was no need to think about what it meant, it was simple, it was easy, they were just Nick and Jess.

As Jess sat across the table staring at Nick his words rang in her ears, _Its' a good thing I love you._ She let out a low laugh, "Yeah it does come in handy."

Nick rolled his eyes. "So what took so long anyways? I thought maybe you'd done a dine'n'dash, try to stiff me with the check."

Nick laughed, so did Jess, money was still a sensitive subject between them so they found the best way to deal with it was just to laugh about it. In reality they split most things, taking it in turns but Nick had established early on, no matter what the cost, he paid for dinner. He didn't care how much Jess argued he was just old fashioned that way.

"Dash? In these shoes? You must be joking, I can barely stand up." She said half joking, half serious. She had borrowed some killer heels from CeCe, very sexy, very hot, very painful. "No seriously I nearly got lost in that bathroom back there, its ginormous! It's like twice the size of our place. Have you been?"

Nick shook his head, a small smile forming at the way she said 'our place'.

"Oh Nick you have to go, it's amazing! Seriously it's the best place you'll ever pee." She said genuinely excited.

"No Jess, I'm good." He said.

"No, go now, pee!" she squealed.

Nick shook his head in genuine disgust at her, "Jess please don't tell me to go pee. This is getting weird even for you."

Jess gave him a nonchalant shrug as if there was absolutely nothing wrong with what she had just said. "Well you and Little Nick are missing out on a real treat in there…"

"Jess what have I said about calling my penis Little Nick?" Nick growled. "You never put the words little in the same sentence when talking about a guy's junk."

Jess rolled her eyes, "But Little Nick goes with Little Jess. It's not about size; well I mean obviously it is, he's…" Jess said pointing through the table to where Nick sat. "…only Little Nick because you're Big Nick or well Normal Sized Nick. I mean the man has to be bigger than the penis otherwise how would you…"

"Jessica! I never thought I would say this but will you please start talking about the bathrooms again?" Nick said desperately, running a hand across his forehead.

Jess smiled brightly at his suggestion, "Well it's all marble and gold and they have these real comfy couches in there. Ooooh and they have these fancy little soaps and gels and moisturiser thingy's which are complimentary…they told me I had nice eyes!" she said unable to stop herself.

Nick glared at her. "Jess."

Jess was still laughing at her own joke as she bent down and picked up her clutch purse, "Check it out." She said lowering her voice slightly as she opened the purse, which was crammed with tiny white and gold filled bottles and different shaped bars of soaps.

"Jess!" Nick hissed.

Jess closed her purse with a small giggle, "I know right, score!"

"Jessica Day you are a soap thief." Nick said in disbelief, usually he was the one to grab as many freebies as he could not Jess. Maybe he was a bad influence on her?

Jess shook her head, "Durrr dummy they're complimentary remember? As in here…help yourself."

"Complimentary means take one Jess not create a freaking mini-Walgreen's in your damn purse." Nick said.

But Jess merely gave him another shrug in response, "Whatever Nick. At least we have Schmidt's Hanukah gift taken care of now."

Despite her crazy antics Nick could not help but laugh at her. His heart leapt at her mention of them as a 'we' and that she saw them together so far ahead. Nick felt his confidence grow, instinctively he gave his inside jacket pocket a little pat of reassurance. He could do this.

The waitress appeared with the desert menu but they both decided they were too full, instead Nick ordered another round of drinks, a whiskey for him and a rose for Jess.

"More pink wine?" Jess asked raising an eyebrow at him as the waitress trotted away. "Why Mr. Miller if I didn't know better I may think you were trying to get me drunk and take advantage of me." She said in her old 1940's movie star voice, leaning closer on the table, batting her eyelashes furiously at him.

Nick grinned at her blatant flirtation, "I don't know what would give you that impression Miss. Day."

"Shame." She said pouting her dark red lips. "I quite like the idea of being taken advantage of." Her voice low and husky.

Nick suddenly felt something press against his leg, gently stroking him before slowly moving upwards towards his thighs.

Nick closed his eyes tightly, "Behave Jessica."

Jess looked at him, a devilish twinkle in her eyes, a direct consequence from all the pink wine. Maybe Nick should have ordered her a coke, he needed her lucid and coherent tonight.

Jess moved her foot up slightly higher, "Shhh Nick I'm trying to seduce you over here."

"You don't have to try very hard Jess." He near snarled as her foot brushed over his crotch, her toes stretching out across his hardening length. Nick couldn't help but bang his fist down lightly on the table, their water glasses shook at his action. "Jess…stop."

"Why?" she said tauntingly as she moved her toes expertly around him.

"Because if you don't I'm gonna throw you down on this table right here." He said in a low growl.

Jess raised one eyebrow at him, "I don't have a problem with that."

"But the restaurant might, this is a pretty fancy place after all." Nick said.

Suddenly the waitress appeared with their drinks. Jess leapt back in her seat like a naughty school girl caught playing with a toy she wasn't allowed. The waitress set their drinks down and Nick thanked her genuinely, noting he needed to give her a big tip before they left.

Nick took a swig of his whiskey whilst he tried to regain some of his composure.

Jess giggled, "I still can't believe you picked this place of all places for tonight Nick."

She said pointing to the high class and fancy restaurant in which they currently sat and had also a little over a year ago shared the worst first date (or dates to be exact) in history.

Nick gave a small shrug, "I dunno I guess I thought it kinda made sense…show's how far we've come."

Jess face broke into the biggest smile at his words, he was right they had come a hell of a long way in a year and that should be celebrated.

Jess picked up her pink wine, "A toast, to us."

Nick tapped his glass gently against hers and they both drank.

Jess let out another small chuckle, "Me and you, a whole year…who'da thunk it eh Miller?"

Nick set his glass back on the table and looked up at Jess sincerely, "I did."

Jess beamed at him, setting her own glass down as she reached out across the table for his hand.

Nick took a deep breath, "Look Jess I wanna say something ok?"

Jess gave a small nod, tilting her head ever so slightly to one side, in full Jess listening mode.

"This past year, with you, has been the best of my life…I couldn't imagine my life without you…"

"Nick…" she said softly, rubbing his hand with hers.

"I'm so in love with ya Jess, its ridiculous…and I want you to know that you are a…" Nick began to recite the speech he had been practicing over and over in his head for weeks now when his eye caught sight of the last person in the world Nick Miller wanted to be here right now; Russell had just walked in.

"…Son of a Bitch." Nick muttered.

Jess looked at Nick confused, that wasn't exactly what she had expected him to say. "Sorry Nick, I'm a what?"

"You have _got_ to be kidding me!" Nick snarled tugging his hand from Jess's. "Does he have some kinda tracking device or something?"

Jess looked at him even more baffled by his sudden weird switch in behaviour. "Nick I have clearly missed something here? Is everything ok?"

Nick scrunched his face up, taking a long swig of his drink. "Oh yes Jessica everything's great, everything's fan-freaking-tastic!"

"Nick what's going on? Talk to me." She pleadingly, the worry evident in her voice.

Nick knew there was no point trying to hide it, the night was ruined now. "Russell's here."

Jess immediately ducked down at his words, her head flipping violently from side to side, "What? Really? Where?"

"Jess would ya calm down and sit up. He's over there." Nick said pointing towards the hostess station.

Jess shot a quick look to her ex-boyfriend, praying Nick was mistaken but there was no doubt that was Russell alright.

"Oh come on!" she said in despair.

"I know right?" Nick nodded in agreement. He hated the universe right now.

Jess looked back to Nick, "Look he hasn't seen us, so let's just pay the bill, no draw any attention to ourselves and slip out quietly ok?"

"Ok." Nick nodded. "Good plan."

Jess turned her head to try and subtly gesture for their waitresses' attention but she seemed to be far too bust flirting with one of the bartenders. Who was Jess to judge, bartenders were hot. Then Jess felt the table move suddenly, immediately she spun back around to see Nick was no on his feet, waving his arms wildly.

"Hey Russell! Russell, over here!" he yelled loudly across the crowded restaurant.

Jess glared up at him, "Nick what the hell are you doing?"

"I don't know." He mouthed down at her before he resumed beckoning Russell over to them.

Nick sat back down in his chair as he watched Russell and his date, another young pretty but forgettable face, approached their table.

"What the hell have I done?" he asked in shock.

Jess just glared at him across the table shaking her head.

Finally Russell reached the edge of their table.

"Russell heyyyyyyyyy." Nick said as though the man just appeared from nowhere.

"Well isn't this interesting…" Russell said in a slightly patronising tone. "De ja vu anyone?" he added with a forced laugh.

Nick roared so loudly in his laughter that people around them were beginning to stare.

"So are you two…for real…" Russell said gesturing between Nick and Jess.

Nick nodded his head violently, "Yep, yep, yep you betcha bottom dollar sir. We're together, we're a couple, we're _the _couple…"

This is like a nightmare, Jess thought, kill me now.

"Yep…Nick and Jess, Jess and Nick, Miller and Day…" Nick rambled. "She's my girlfriend, my lady… the ol' ball and chain, am I right Russ?"

Russell nodded; Jess noticed that his date was slowly backing up, looking extremely uncomfortable and a little frightened of Nick. Jess couldn't blame her; he was acting like a total lunatic.

"That's great, I'm really happy for you guys." Russell said, though this words didn't seem to convey the same sentiment. "How long?"

"A year." Jess answered simply.

"Wow." Russell said, genuinely taken aback. "That long huh?"

"Yes that long." Jess snapped, scowling up at him. Why wouldn't he just go away and leave them alone?

Russell ignored the evident hostility in Jess's voice. "I'm so sorry where are my manners, this is Kimberley, my date…" he said pointing to her. "Kimberley, this is Nick and Jess, my…old friends."

"Well she's a real looker Rusty, you certainly do like 'em young, you dirty old dog." Nick said giving Russell an extremely uncomfortable wink.

There was an awkward pause following Nick's latest inappropriate comment and Jess prayed Russell and his dull date would just take this as their cue and leave.

But Nick wasn't done quite yet. "Hey I've got a great idea, we should double date!"

"Dear god." Jess said to herself.

Russell shook his head; Kimberley looked absolutely terrified at the idea. "Nick I don't think…"

Nick waved his hand dismissively at him, "C'mon it's a fantastic idea but hey now, no swapsies!" Nick said with another wink.

"I err…" Russell stammered clearly in a state of shock.

"Not that Jess and I do that of course; swinging I mean." Nick said. Why was he still talking Jess thought? "That was just a joke; we're not into anything too weird sex wise…"

"Nick!" Jess yelled in horror. This couldn't be happening right now, he couldn't actually be saying these things?

Russell shot a look over his shoulder, already beginning to back away, "Right well ok, I think our table's ready…"

But Nick was still babbling away, "I mean we do _stuff_ I can tell ya…we have crazy hot sex all the time…"

"Yes well, good." Russell stammered grabbing Kimberley's hand, "It was really nice to…and…well…bye."

Russell and Kimberley turned to flee and Jess prayed this was the end of her humiliation. But it seemed Nick had one more trick up his sleeve.

"…in fact we had crazy hot sex today, twice!" he yelled at Russell across the crowded restaurant, holding up two fingers proudly, every single head now fixated on their table. "…and once was in the shower! How do you like that huh?"

But Russell and Kimberley were completely out of view now, Nick's insane ramblings driven them from the restaurant entirely.

Jess covered her face with her hands in despair; she could feel every set of eyes in the restaurant fixated on their table. She was absolutely mortified.

Nick felt as though he had just had some sort of out of body experience and felt the sudden realisation of what he had just done. Of the horrific scene he had just played out.

He looked up at Jess apologetically, "Jess I…"

Jess tore her hands from her face and raised one hand to him, "Don't. Don't you say another word Miller. Let's just pay the check and get the hell out of here."

* * *

Once they were out in the cold night air the full gravity of Nick's crazy and humiliating behaviour finally began to sink in. He doubted they would be going back there any time soon. This was not how he had wanted tonight to go but in typical Nick Miller style he had managed to turn what could have been a perfect night into an absolute disaster.

Jess had not uttered a word since they left the restaurant; she had barely even looked at him. Nick knew she was crazy mad at him right now and there was no way to salvage their night. With a resigned sigh Nick reached into his jacket pocket for his cell phone, his fingers brushing against the small box inside. It suddenly felt so heavy.

"Jess I'll call a cab, we can go home, go to bed and just forget this whole night ever happened ok?" Nick doubted very much he'd be welcome in the cohabitating room tonight.

He began to press the keys on his phone when Jess reached out and snatched it from his grasp.

"Seriously Nick , that's it? You're not even going to explain what the hell happened back there? Why you just humiliated me in front of all those people?" she yelled.

Nick rubbed his hands down his face, "Honestly Jess I think I may have just experienced a nervous breakdown."

"Don't try and think you can joke you're way out of this Miller." She said pointing at him. "I'm really mad at you."

"I'm not Jess, I think I genuinely lost my mind for a second back there…" he said thinking. "But I am really sorry I embarrassed you, I never wanted to upset you, I just…"

"Why Nick? Because of Russell?" she asked.

Nick shook his head, "I don't wanna talk about it."

"Well I do Nick and I think after your little stunt in there the least you owe me is an explanation." She said firmly.

Nick rubbed his forehead, "It's just why, why tonight? There are a thousand and one other fancyman restaurants in this city, why does he have to be at the same one as us, on the same night…again!" Nick yelled desperately before he sunk to the floor, sitting down on the curb.

Jess sighed and sat down beside him, wow this really was de ja vu. "I don't know Nick…"

"It was just all too much Jess, as soon as I saw him walk in it just felt like before…" Nick said, rubbing his hands together, "…and I just fell apart. And now the whole night's ruined, I ruined it!"

Jess gave him a little nudge in the ribs, "C'mon Nick nothings ruined, tonight was great…"

"But I wanted it to be perfect Jess!" Nick snapped.

"Why Nick? What the hell is so special about tonight?" Jess asked. "One year anniversary big whoop, they are plenty of more important things…"

Nick shook his head, "But tonight was supposed to be…I mean I planned everything…"

"What do you mean everything? What else did you plan Nick?" She asked, her curiosity consuming her.

"Forget it Jess, it doesn't matter now."

"It matters to me Miller. Tell me." She demanded.

"Jess, no, stop." Nick snapped back.

"Nick…tell me!" she yelled.

"Fine, fine, I'll tell ya but it doesn't matter now." Nick growled.

"Whatever." Jess replied.

Nick took a deep breath, "Well I wanted to bring you back her first…" he said pointing to the restaurant behind them. "…to show you, like I said, how far we've come. I wanted ya to have the real fancy night you didn't get last time round."

"Check." She said giving him a soft smile.

"Then after I was going to take you dancing at the Plaza…" he said.

Jess couldn't help but interrupt, "Dancing? I though Nick Miller didn't dance?" she teased leaning closer to him.

Nick smiled at her, "Tonight was going to be a one night only kinda deal."

Jess giggled, "I would have liked to have seen that."

"Then after we woulda took a long walk home, maybe go to the beach or something I dunno…" he mumbled. "Then I woulda brought you home, back up to the roof…"

Jess felt her heart begin to pound. "W-why?"

"Cause I wanted to be somewhere special when I gave you this." Nick said quietly as he reached inside his jacket pocket.

Jess felt her heart now hammering inside her chest, her mouth was dry, her head was spinning, she was so grateful she was sitting down right now. She felt excited, nervous, overwhelmed and blissfully happy all at once. Then she suddenly felt very confused as she looked down and saw Nick had handed her a piece of old, worn, folded up card.

Jess eyed it dubiously for a second, praying her face hid her disappointment at what she thought Nick was actually going to give her. Then Jess had a sudden moment of realisation of what she held in her hands, it was Nick's valet ticket. Since that night on the roof they hadn't spoken about the cards once, Jess never asked Nick what he wrote, she knew when he wanted her to know she would know and apparently that time was right now.

"Open it." Nick said softly.

Hands shaking Jess unfolded the card and finally ready the words she had wondered about for so long. Written in Nick's near eligible hand writing it seemed to be a list of all the different things Nick thought he and Jess were last year. Although Jess noted the first few points were crossed out and only the words at the bottom remained untouched.

_Friends who could maybe be more?_

_Complicated, confusing, infuriating, maddening_

_Boyfriend WITH the rewards_

_A big mess_

_Pretty sure she could be the One._

Jess stared down in awe in his words, ignoring the crossed out scribbles above knowing they didn't matter now. Her eyes were fixed on the two words at the bottom of the card; _the One_.

Jess turned back to Nick and saw he was now also clutching something else in his hands, a small black square box. Jess gripped tightly at the card in her hands which held his beautiful words.

Nick turned his body to hers, "I had this planned out totally different, I wanted it to be perfect and special but sometimes things don't always go the way you plan… and I kinda like that…" he paused beaming at her. "Hey Jess, could ya do me a favour? Stand up would ya?"

Jess looked at him tears already falling from her eyes, "Nick I…"

"Please Jess at least let me do this part right." He said softly.

Jess nodded and let a small nervous laugh escape her lips as she slowly rose to her feet. She felt so light headed, like she was floating. She looked down at Nick, who had moved slightly so he was now before her, on one knee.

"Jessica, you are a beautiful woman and my life has not been the same since I met ya…" he said his eyes never leaving hers. "And it would mean the world to me if you would be my wife."

As he said his final words Nick opened the small box and revealed the most beautiful ring Jess had ever seen. A platinum band with a simple, brilliant square-emerald cut diamond sat atop it. Jess had never seen a ring like it, it looked old, like something from the 1920's, it was so delicate and simple yet so elegant and beautiful. It was the perfect ring for Jess.

Jess leapt into his arms flinging herself at Nick, "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!" she said kissing him, kissing his lips, his face, his eyes, any part of him she could find.

"Whoa easy Jess." Nick said as he tried to steady her as she sat on his lap, it was quite hard to maintain his balance on one knee. "So I'm sorry I didn't quite catch that, did you say…"

Jess hit him playfully in the chest, "Shut up Miller before I change my mind."

Nick grinned up at her, "Well I better get this ring on your finger quick then huh?"

Jess nodded and gleefully watched as Nick removed the ring from the soft velvet cushioning of the box and gently placed it on her finger. It was a perfect fit. Jess stared down at her hand, utterly mesmerised, tears falling softly down her face. "It's so beautiful Nick…"

Nick nuzzled his head in her hair, "I know this probably wasn't how you imagined it when you were a little girl. Getting proposed to in the street but…"

Jess shut up him up immediately by smothering his mouth with hers, pouring every overwhelmed emotion into her kiss. Nick kissed her back hungrily, immediately understanding what she was trying to say but couldn't find the words.

It hadn't been perfect or glamorous or some epic performance but it had been real and honest and _them. _And that would last forever.

* * *

**.End.**

**Ah I'm actually quite sad it's finished, I really loved writing this story.**

**I'm working on a few ideas for some longer stories to hopefully take up the agonizing wait over the summer so hopefully I'll get something up soon if people are up for some summer reading! **


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